what do your husbands/oh's give for housekeeping

MrsE_2

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

So i just wondered what everybody gets for housekeeping each week/month etc, if you get anything at all.

I work full-time & I pay for the household insurance & AOL BB from my account (for some odd reason they just ended up on my account). Oh & I pay the window cleaner.

I pay £190 per month towards the house costs (strange amount I know).

I pay for my car, insurance, running costs & petrol.

I pay my own credit card & personal bills.

DH pays everything else & give me £100 per week for shopping. God thats loads when you think about it, after the bare house costs, theres the fuel costs & phone, the sky, the loans for home improvements, the list is scary.

Technically I should do well as he pays for nearly everything, but I still run out of cash & need him to deposit some in my bank to meet my car DD:o

Do you think thats why we have seperate accounts:o

*Louise*

I don't get 'housekeeping'

Everything goes into one joint account, I deal with making sure the bills are paid, OH has some money in his pocket for day to day

Everybody's happy.

ldavies_3

My husband and I do not have a joint account but I have a seperate account for all the dd and so 's.. We both have a standing order to cover half of the outgoings then whats left is "our own"..

We have never argued over money and never quiz each other on spending habits. We both work hard enough for what we have therefore dont feel the need to change it.

Neither of us has any big debt apart from a car loan and a cc which both come out of the bills account.

I earn more than hubby however I will pay for the day to day stuff and he pays the childcare..

It works for us at least.

I would find it difficult to be in the ops situation however there is only 1 side to the story and hubby could have a big mortgage or such and if the op doesnt contribute financially then it is difficult to have a level opinion. I would have loved to have been a sahm but we so couldnt afford that luxury when the boys were small.

My fil once said that his job was to be the breadwinner and bring home the money and not actively raise his children as that was his wifes job! old fashioned I know!!. Possibly thats the thinking behind the ops issue?

liney

Loretta wrote: »

OP said he had considerable savings

They have considerable savings, as they are married.

Do the maths: she earns £511 per month, and he £3500, so he earns approx 7 times more than she does. She has £28 per week left over so he should have £196 per week left over if he is paying in the same as she is. That's £10192 per year he could save. It would be easy to build substantial savings rather quickly.

You lot all go on about sharing, and a partnership as long as the OP has enough money for ballet lessons and new clothes! The DH perhaps thinks other things are more important... like not allowing his wife to get into debt again, hence the monthly meeting and teaching her to live on budget. He is admittedly being a little heavy handed including holidays, but if you had an ex wife that has screwed you over and a new one that runs up debts perhaps you would see things the same. And yes i am female.

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

I don't really get housekeeping as such - I have online banking details for both of us and take money from H's account as and when I need it. I do all our budgeting though - he prefers it this way so he doesn't have to think about it - so it works for us. We always have a bit of a buffer in the account so that we can spend a little without worrying, but we would consult each other before making a big purchase.

Loretta

liney wrote: »

They have considerable savings, as they are married.

Do the maths: she earns £511 per month, and he £3500, so he earns approx 7 times more than she does. She has £28 per week left over so he should have £196 per week left over if he is paying in the same as she is. That's £10192 per year he could save. It would be easy to build substantial savings rather quickly.

You lot all go on about sharing, and a partnership as long as the OP has enough money for ballet lessons and new clothes! The DH perhaps thinks other things are more important... like not allowing his wife to get into debt again, hence the monthly meeting and teaching her to live on budget. He is admittedly being a little heavy handed including holidays, but if you had an ex wife that has screwed you over and a new one that runs up debts perhaps you would see things the same. And yes i am female.

This post is not about money it is about living with a control freak and a bully, see the lounge thing, There is no mention of debts or large outgoings whether because there isn't any or OP doesn't know which is bad in itself.

If money is short, as it is for most people, you have to live with it and work together to make the finances work. In any situation if one is struggling and the other is having more than their share of the family money something is wrong and resentment will start. When someone is struggled to survive and the other person is on a high salary which is being withheld from the family and he spends no time or effort with the home, child or family life. This Op clearly doesn't know where to start and posted about housekeeping as a starting point

I don't think the savings are family savings at all, is OP was to say I am leaving or I have a project in mind and want my half of the savings do you think he would hand it over> do you think they ever discuss the savings and what they are for? do you think OP would even dare ask to discuss the savings or what their plans are for the future? I don't think so

Did the ex wife really screw him? who knows? perhaps she was treated the same, I bet she was and just wanted enough to live on

RoxieW

tsstss7 wrote: »

I agree and you and your OH need to resolve this before it becomes too big an issue.

Personally I'd be thinking about leaving him as it's no way to live in my mind but perhaps that is not an option for you?

In which case you could perhaps begin negotiations with the idea that you are sick of always being poor and so wish to go back to work full time. So in order to do so all you need from him is:-

5 pick ups/drop offs a week to child carer.
half the washing/cleaning/cooking done.
half the at home child care done eg bedtimes, taking to activities etc
half of ALL DD's costs eg clothes, nappies ...
approx £75.00/wk towards the child carer.

Oh and of course he'll need to be aware that he'll be expected to cover half the times when DD is sick...all at a moments notice!

My hubby used to make snide comments about me 'not contributing' to the finances and it made me feel so worthless that I went out and landed my dream job. Woohoo we've got an extra grand and half in the bank each month..... Only, £800 of that goes on nursery fees, £300 on top for travel/lunches etc, he has to get the children up and ready for nursery in the morning and be responsible for getting back at the allotted time to pick them up. He has to come home to an empty house every evening, make his own dinner, be responsible for putting clothes in the washing machine, put the kids to bath/bed some nights, take equal responsibility for having time off if one of them is sick/the nursery is closed/they've picked up nits for the hundreth time etc. He was absolutely miserable while I was enjoying my new found career, independence and respect. It wasnt long until he was begging me to give it up and be a SAHM again - which I did because I believe it's better for the kids. Since then I've felt appreciated and valued and we've not had a single snide 'my' money comment since It's a shame it took that for him to appreciate the value of my role as mum/cook/cleaner/activity and party planner/secretary and general house/life/family organiser but sometimes a short sharp shock is what's needed.

liney

Loretta wrote: »

This post is not about money it is about living with a control freak and a bully, see the lounge thing, There is no mention of debts or large outgoings whether because there isn't any or OP doesn't know which is bad in itself.

If money is short, as it is for most people, you have to live with it and work together to make the finances work. In any situation if one is struggling and the other is having more than their share of the family money something is wrong and resentment will start. When someone is struggled to survive and the other person is on a high salary which is being withheld from the family and he spends no time or effort with the home, child or family life. This Op clearly doesn't know where to start and posted about housekeeping as a starting point

I don't think the savings are family savings at all, is OP was to say I am leaving or I have a project in mind and want my half of the savings do you think he would hand it over> do you think they ever discuss the savings and what they are for? do you think OP would even dare ask to discuss the savings or what their plans are for the future? I don't think so

Did the ex wife really screw him? who knows? perhaps she was treated the same, I bet she was and just wanted enough to live on

I have used the factual information that has been posted.

You have used an awful lot assumptions and what if's.

Just because he's a man who doesn't hand over his wages to his wife each month, and expects her to contribute from her wages too, does not make him a bad man.

You can read between the lines and think she's a put upon wife if you like. There are other ways to interpret, which is why i tried my best to only comment on the facts, so should have left his ex wife out of it really, so for that i apologise.

And just do we know, my husband does indeed have his wages paid into 'the bill account' each month then never sees it again. On the same token my money is used as family money too.

poet123

I think that there are enough clues and factual comments from the OP(here, and in past posts quoted here) to deduce this is not just an issue with money.

This is not an equal relationship,not a partnership,more a dictatorship.

Any man earning what he does, and yet expecting his wife to feed them all on £20 per week is very odd,.. imo. He does not sound like a nice,caring person.

It is all very well talking about "their" (although actually the OP referred to"his" savings not "our" savings)savings but if she cannot access them then they are "his" really.

Dumyat

hannahsmummy. I thought I remembered you from before with similar posts....and I seem to remember saying the same thing at the time. This is not about the money, is it?
Its about control. hope you get it sorted for once and for all, because everyone deserves to be happy.

in our family my OH earns more, and we have separate accounts, but we still budget as one. Its just team work.