what do your husbands/oh's give for housekeeping

liney

poet123 wrote: »

I think that there are enough clues and factual comments from the OP(here, and in past posts quoted here) to deduce this is not just an issue with money.

This is not an equal relationship,not a partnership,more a dictatorship.

Any man earning what he does, and yet expecting his wife to feed them all on £20 per week is very odd,.. imo. He does not sound like a nice,caring person.

It is all very well talking about "their" (although actually the OP referred to"his" savings not "our" savings)savings but if she cannot access them then they are "his" really.

He doesn't expect her to feed them on £20 a week. She choses to spend only that to have money left over for 'activities'. I assume she has the £18 child benefit on top of the £48 she has left over weekly, or she could have saved that for Christmas. each week? Of course you will assume she doesn't because DH is evil afterall lol.

Maybe it is about control; ensuring she cannot get into debt. Maybe he doesn't want the child trashing the living room; that's what playrooms are for.

There's always going to be her side, his side and the truth, and we are only going hear her side, so i think we will have to agree to disagree.

poet123

Of course there are always two sides to every story,however, as her income is very limited and his isn't the balance of power money wise is most definitely his. He seems to be exploiting that,and if she has to pay all food bills out of her income then obviously she needs to budget. Also, the activities are for their daughter,so she is clearly trying to ensure that regardless of how mean her father is, the child does not miss out.

As you say, we will have to agree to disagree,but with regard to keeping a child out of the living room,that is a very short sighted policy....unless you want to bring up a child whom you cannot take anywhere because she does not know how to behave. You dont keep a child penned up in a playroom, and then expect good behaviour when in the homes of others,good behaviour comes from boundaries and teaching respect for things and property,not segregation.

On the face of it to me, this man earns a reasonable salary,his wife works part time and earns a pittance,and yet sh eis the one paying for the family day to day upkeep over and above basic housing expenses. As has been suggested, I would simply get a full time job, and let him have equal shares of all that entails.

Monkey1984

I wish I earned as much money as the father. I lived with my girlfriend for over a year and I used to cover all bills and the rent - She used to pay for food and her travel to work.

We started off with a joint account, but didn't work, she couldn't believe how much the bills were, despite me showing her the statements as and when they were coming through.

We split the accounts which worked out better for me - But worse for her as she couldn't control her spending - I ended up bailing her out.

I wouldn't really know what a fair amount as housekeeping would be - But I think that he should be making a contribution more for his daughters sake then anything else.

I wouldn't like to see my daughter going without, maybe you should sit down and speak to him and explain that you need help - Any normal man should make allowances for this especially in the current climate.

liney

poet123 wrote: »

Of course there are always two sides to every story,however, as her income is very limited and his isn't the balance of power money wise is most definitely his. He seems to be exploiting that,and if she has to pay all food bills out of her income then obviously she needs to budget. Also, the activities are for their daughter,so she is clearly trying to ensure that regardless of how mean her father is, the child does not miss out.

As you say, we will have to agree to disagree,but with regard to keeping a child out of the living room,that is a very short sighted policy....unless you want to bring up a child whom you cannot take anywhere because she does not know how to behave. You dont keep a child penned up in a playroom, and then expect good behaviour when in the homes of others,good behaviour comes from boundaries and teaching respect for things and property,not segregation.

On the face of it to me, this man earns a reasonable salary,his wife works part time and earns a pittance,and yet sh eis the one paying for the family day to day upkeep over and above basic housing expenses. As has been suggested, I would simply get a full time job, and let him have equal shares of all that entails.

So how much does the average familiy spend on 'activities' for one child a week? I would hazard a guess it is nowhere near an average of £48. My guess would be about £15 if they went to say, Brownies and Swimming.

Infact i shall start a poll! I'm interested.

poet123

In addition to activities she is also funding xmas presents and half term outings for their daughter. My real issue is not that she uses her salary to fund things for the family unit (I would guess we all do that)but that if any unforseen expenses ocur,or for xmas,half term etc she has no access to additional funds, despite the rleatively high overall family income. In fact despite the small amount of money she has acess to she is audited on that expenditure monthly. Very controllling,and disempowering imo, and not a good example of an equitable relationship for their daughter to grow up with.

I also bet his ex wife could shed some light on this!!

ifonlyitwaseasier

hubby and i have had a joint account since before we were married, in fact as soon as we decided to live together we added him onto what had been my account.
we have our salaries paid in and i manage the bills and shopping and he lets me get on with it. we share the money for every expense and it is 'ours' never his or hers.

Hannahsmummy, i hope you can talk to your husband about this. maybe ask him to pay towards the shopping as all the prices have gone up? he might help, and if he doesn't i'd seriously consider if a relationship like that was worth all the effort you seem to put in without him lifting a finger (i don't care about his job he should help with his child and give his wife money to look after his own child without blinking an eyelid)

lizzak

I live with my bf in his house, the mortgage hasn't got my name on it so i dont pay anything towards it. I pay for the food shopping, the gas and electric and the tv every month. Other than that I pay my own bills. My bf wouldn't ask me to pay anything towards the mortgage as he knows i wont unless im on it.

skintchick

Well, I think that money is probably one thing you should discuss in detail before you live together! Me and my Oh did, and made sure we agreed on how to do it before we got married.

What we do is this:
We each pay a percetnage of the joint outgoings that ids equivalent to the percentage of money we bring in.
So, just say I earned 10k and he earned 30k I would pay a third of the joint outgoings and he would pay two thirds.
How this works foor us is that we each have our own account into which wages are paid, then a SO takes our joint money out and puts it into the joint account where bills go from.
Then we also have a SO into our joint savings (actually in my name as I am a lower rate taxpayer and he is not) of the same percentage of our own wages, ie I pay 32 per cent of my wages in and so does he.
Anything left over is our own, which means I have not very much and he has loads but that's OK cos it is FAIR.
But I have a friend who was a single mum, lives with her bf and they operate separately even though he would like to pay for her child cos she feels her child is not his responsibility.

Everyone works differenyl I guess but the key thing is that you both need to be happy with how it works.

Oh neither me nor OH have debts but if we did those would be our personal responsibilities not joint, unless it was a joint purchase.
HTH

tarajayne

Have read throug this thread this man sounds very similar to my OH of 5 years ago, who is still my OH today but we did have 2 years of counselling to stay together. He earnt 28k, me £8, his mother told him not to keep me and my 4 children when I moved in with him and this continued even when I was on maternity leave having his child. I got in debt, he went skiing with his friends. I gave him an ultimatum, counseller or I was going. He is not a bad person but can be arrogant sometimes. The counseller was great, told him to grow up and stop living like a single person which hit the nail on the head. We moved away from his mother and although we do not have joint accounts, my choice, he pays mortgage (through my account) and all bills, I pay food shopping and run my car, buy the kids stuff and ask if I need more. The Op's issue runs much deeper than money, she needs to stand up to him, I highly recommend counselling.

Good luck!

morganb

Me and OH have our own accounts into which our salaries are paid.
Then we both transfer a set amount into our joint account from which all our bills are paid. I contribute less each month as I earn less as I am part-time.
I pay for activities with the children during the week; then we either share weekend costs or I say to OH that I bought so and so during the week, so can he pay this time please? And it's always worked fine.
Any left over money either of us have at the end of the month, we overpay onto the mortgage. OH puts a small amount into savings each month as well.