Trying for a baby (12+ M/not straightforward)

Natalie6999

It may help to give you closure & to help you to grieve, sometimes it needs this to stop you thinking what if?

When I had my m/cs I went to work the day after, carried on as normal, but after my son was born when I should have been at my happiest suffered the worst depression I could ever imagine. Only after going to counselling did I find that the greatest part of this was because I had held in all of the sadness & feelings that I should have shared & let out.

Take your time, talk to each other, to friends or family, don't sweep it under the carpet & if someone asks you how you are, be honest. Don't rush to do normal, it will come when you are ready for it.

I am thinking about you & hope you are ok.

AnnieM_3

Nikabella wrote: »

This afternoon the bleeding has started to get heavier & I've had some slight cramps. I've told OH I think that the scan tomorrow will be a waste of £70 & the sonographers time & that we should just accept it's over. Part of me still wants to go but thats the part that still wants to hold on to a glimmer of hope & to be honest I don't think there can be any hope. It just seems really silly & wasteful to go now. I don't know what to do.

A.x

Nikabella, my heart goes out to you and your OH. I hope this is just a hiccup and everything does turn out to be ok. Please feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

With my mc I went to A&E when I started spotting - I had dbs, but passed a lump of it which made me totally freak out. They referred me to a gynae ward, where I was partially admitted (I could go straight to the ward if the bleeding got worse or I was in too much pain, but I didn't have to stay in).

I was given an internal scan, although it was under 6 weeks. It didn't tell us anything apart from that there was blood in my womb. I don't understand why you're being told they can't scan you on the NHS, Nikabella - they should be able to see something from 6 weeks.

As for grieving and giving yourself time... personally, I am quite an emotional person and I just fell apart as soon as I got the result saying my HCG hadn't gone up enough, so I've had to deal with my feelings now, but I can understand how someone might bury their feelings the way Natalie6999 described. I think for me, having tried for so long meant I had already invested so much emotion in our little bean, and that has perhaps made it even worse than it would have been otherwise. I'm going back to work soon, though - I feel able to function now that the bleeding is easing. I didn't leave the house until a day or two ago, and that was only for a walk - I was worried I would suddenly start bleeding uncontrollably so I didn't go far from my bathroom.

Hope tomorrow goes ok for you, whatever you decide to do about the scan.

(((hugs)))

AnnieM x

liloandstitch

Nikabella, I am so sorry that things are not how you want. I have to say I would also go to AandE.

Someone asked about the NHS funding changing from June - yes it is, and yes the upper age is being altered, but I understand it to be on a personal basis - my doctor hadnt had any info about it yet - and didnt know if any of the other info will be changed, ie existing children. I am also (at40)watching the developments, but as I have DS, I am not sure that it will change anything.

Going to bed now - my MIL was admitted to hosp with pneumonia this pm, I am normally snoozing with the fairies by now!!!!!!!! Lilo

Js_Other_Half

My clinic have told me their upper age limit is 45, but I think this is for private patients?

Nikabella

Thank you to everyone for your support over the past couple of days.

Sadly this bean wasn't meant to be & I lost the baby late last night. I have to say I was completely unprepared for the reality of what it would be like. There were a lot of tears but once I passed the baby I have to say I felt almost relieved, as it was better than the not knowing in a way.

AnnieM, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this as well. I'm a very emotional person too & I'm hoping that I can find a way to handle this without letting it consume me. I have been suffering depression & I do not want to let this undo the work I have done to start dragging myself out of the black hole. I really hope this isn't illegal but as the baby wasn't passed into the toilet I felt I couldn't put it in there & just flush it away so OH & made up a little box & buried it at the bottom of a big plant pot, today we are going to choose a bay tree to plant in there. I think this has helped me. Some people probably think we sound crazy, maybe we do & so I think we have decided not to tell anybody we know in real life.

I have to say I'm not sure what we are supposed to do now. We cancelled our private scan first thing this morning & we were very lucky in that they didn't charge us, however, am I supposed to get back in touch with my GP now? Do I still have to see EPAU so that they can scan & check it's all gone (I'm 99% sure it has) or do I have to have HCG tests? I don't want the GP to think I'm harrasing him.

A.x

Natalie6999

Nikabella wrote: »

Thank you to everyone for your support over the past couple of days.

Sadly this bean wasn't meant to be & I lost the baby late last night. I have to say I was completely unprepared for the reality of what it would be like. There were a lot of tears but once I passed the baby I have to say I felt almost relieved, as it was better than the not knowing in a way.

AnnieM, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this as well. I'm a very emotional person too & I'm hoping that I can find a way to handle this without letting it consume me. I have been suffering depression & I do not want to let this undo the work I have done to start dragging myself out of the black hole. I really hope this isn't illegal but as the baby wasn't passed into the toilet I felt I couldn't put it in there & just flush it away so OH & made up a little box & buried it at the bottom of a big plant pot, today we are going to choose a bay tree to plant in there. I think this has helped me. Some people probably think we sound crazy, maybe we do & so I think we have decided not to tell anybody we know in real life.

I have to say I'm not sure what we are supposed to do now. We cancelled our private scan first thing this morning & we were very lucky in that they didn't charge us, however, am I supposed to get back in touch with my GP now? Do I still have to see EPAU so that they can scan & check it's all gone (I'm 99% sure it has) or do I have to have HCG tests? I don't want the GP to think I'm harrasing him.

A.x

My heart goes out to you, just take your time, rest & don't push yourself too hard.

Like I said in my post last night, it may help to talk to someone if only to get things straight in your own mind.

Look after each other.

N xx

ginvzt

I am so sorry for you, Nikabella, hold in there. Have some time off and give it all to yourself. It was early pregnancy, but it is a loss, non the less.

I have my first appointment today at 4.15, and I was planning to work from home this morning (6 hours) and then take 2 hours as holiday, but I think it is going to be more like 4 hours work and 4 hours holiday, if even that. I can't really concentrate on anything. I also had to take our cat to cattery this morning, as we are going away tomorrow very early, and it was very sad (well, it is my first time) and he was crying all the way there and in the cattery when I left...

Ok, I have to fill in a questionnaire now for the appointment, and some of the questions are a bit 'different', like how often do you pass urine during the day - I never thought of counting and it depends how much I drink!!!!! How many tampons and towels do you use during period - I never counted, as many as I need....

gymfiend

Sorry to hear your news Nikabella, xx

Good luck Ginvzt, hope the appointment goes well. Poor kitty, always breaks my heart when I have to leave my cats (tragic really, had them for almost 3 years!) and I then worry about them the whole time I'm away. Sure he'll be just fine Hope everything goes well this afternoon, questionnaire sounds interesting!!

I've just ordered some opk's - really wanted to fend off the urge for one more month but decided sod it, just won't tell OH what I'm doing! Hoping they'll come before bank holiday weekend (woo hoo 4 day weekend!) as I think I'll ov around Monday/Tuesday next week, should make for a nice few days off work

xxx

AnnieM_3

I am so very very sorry to hear that, Nikabella. You have my most heartfelt sympathies.

I'm sure what you did was ok, and it doesn't sound crazy in the slightest. Even if it wasn't, if it felt like the right thing to do for you and your OH then that's the most important thing as far as I'm concerned. I can understand why you're worried about your depression returning, but please do let yourself grieve as far as you need to. You'll be a passenger on the rollercoaster of your hormones for a while - just don't push yourself into 'getting over it' - and talk your concerns through with someone (your GP or a counsellor. I'm finding that odd things make me cry, like the blue cheese I bought, which I would have had to avoid - then again I could just be a bit potty

You should contact your GP - they may want to scan you to make sure the mc is complete (that's what they told me). Either the GP or the hospital should have information for you, with regard to coping, counselling, recovery etc. They may want to do blood tests. Don't worry about harrassing them!

I went for a blood test on the ward this morning, and discovered they still haven't ruled out an ectopic. Hopefully the test result will shed some light on it. I just want tthis nightmare to be over. They have signed me off work for a while longer. I did get some support from a really nice nurse this time, though, which helped, as I'd been feeling very lost having not really had much information from the hospital. Unfortunately I opened my post when I got home and discovered that what I thought was the letter for the follow-up scan from last week was actually my maternity record form and an appointment date for my 12 week scan. You can imagine how I feel right now - my hormones are not helping either, because I still feel pregnant. :mad:

Sorry - another long post. Hope everyone else is ok.

AnnieM x

Nikabella

You're not potty at all Annie, I can completely understand why even blue cheese can make you feel that way. I have to say all the way through this pregnancy I felt that things weren't right, I didn't feel even midly queasy or hormonal once. Maybe that's why things went wrong & maybe I will avoid the big come down of my hormones, maybe not.

We rang the doctors to ask for advice & the receptionist said she would ask a doctor for us. We expected the doctor herself to come back to us but the receptionist just rang us back an hour later & said that they didn't need to see me/scan me/do any blood tests & that I should just let them know if the bleeding doesn't stop! I have to say I was really shocked & I feel kind of abandoned. No-one wants to check that it has all come out or that I'm managing emotionally. I thought they would at least check my HCG levels were coming down. I know my cervix must have opened to allow something that big to pass through & I don't know how I'm supposed to know when it has closed again.

I really hope they manage to rule out an ectopic pregnancy for you soon. It must be so hard for you emotionally to get any kind of closure & to be able to move on with all that going on. In that way I think I have been lucky, as lucky as you can be in these circumstances. My OH brought the post up to me this morning & I opened a big brown envelope to find a whole host of information on my maternity services/scan date etc so I know exactly how you feel. Yesterday we had a delivery in the morning & I heard it come through the letterbox - I knew exactly what it was & asked OH to put it somewhere I wouldn't see it - it was a maternity dress I had bought in a sale online. I'm not sure what I will do with it now.

A.x