Help me please...i feel like giving up

Mely

Im so pleased that you had a nice stress free weekend:D
I think your probably right to put off the injuction for now, as you dont want to rock the boat! Especially as you have the support of the police if he starts again.
Best wishes to you and the kids xxx

busiscoming2

Glad you had a nice weekend. I don't know the process for injunctions, but you should think long term. Is he being quiet so you won't have the inj implemented, and then begin harassing you again? How easy is it to put it on hold and then re-start proceedings?
I don't want to put you on a downer, but you have to think long term.

lisssa

hi

ive been following our thread, and just wanted to add my support.
you are doing the right thing, and I really do think you need to continue with the actions you are taking - im sure give it a few days / weeks the texts will start up again.
If he has been given a harrassment warning, he can now be arrested by the police and dealt with that way, and if it progressed to going to court, it is likely he would be given bail condtions not to contact you, and again if he breaks those conditions he is arrestable. In relation to injunctions, I have found this link on the net which might explain some of the different options available to you and what they mean - it explains stuff far better than I can !!http://www.compactlaw.co.uk/free_legal_information/injunctions/injunf1.html ( I have no links to this web site in anyway, just found whilst doing a google search on injunctions !!!)

Also have a look to see if there is any organisation such as Womens Aid in your area, if you cant find it in the yellow pages etc, Im sure the DV trained officer will be able to tell you of any such organisation close to you. Im sure they would be able to provide you with some great support !!

Good Luck and stay strong ! x

blackeel

I have to make a statement to the Injunction people which will be the basis of the court action...Unfortunately, he is a charmer and will possibly beat me hands down in court, and this is what i am worried about, not getting the injunction, and him starting to bother me again....If there was no chance of me losing, then no problem...but while it is peaceful(and hoping hes found someone else to love/annoy),,I would hate myself if this upset the (at the moment) peaceful applecart.....

I am having nice things happen in my life at the moment, and with him not bothering me...it almost feels "normal"

I will talk to the police and injunction people about this, as i dont want to lose their respect if i decide not to pursue it at the moment, and would like to know if they'll take me seriously if i have to ask for their help, further down the line.

blackeel

Is there anyone who has gone down this "Injuncton" road, and can tell me the exact process, from actually phoning them up, to getting, (or not getting) the injunction..........

Help most appreciated.......

Triker

Hi your post caught my eye.

My thoughts are that if you do not follow through with the injunction and any other forms of legal and practical measures in order to halt the harrassment it will soon start up again.

Remember christmas is coming, a time of high tension for most and a time usually that abusing ex's to use as maximum harrassment and upset time.

Also you say that you have been down this emotional and gruelling journey before.......and he still continued to have a go.

For someone (your ex) who has distorted thinking patterns about how to get what he wants he will use any means necessary, e.g. initially charm, threats, physical and sexual, targetting your children through their sympathy, he will not stop until relevent others (solicitors, police, courts) are actively involved.

People like him do NOT like others knowing what they do or how they operate because bullying and terror are most effective when the victim is silent and tells no-one.

Yes enjoy your new life but I urge you to continue with what you are doing or next year you may be posting again in desperation.

You need a FAMILY LAW solicitor for your area not a solicitor who deals in housing issues. Google your area, family law, legal aid and hopefully some details of a solicitor who will be EFFECTIVE for you will pop up.


Good luck hun. xx

Triker

blackeel wrote: »

Is there anyone who has gone down this "Injuncton" road, and can tell me the exact process, from actually phoning them up, to getting, (or not getting) the injunction..........

Help most appreciated.......

Getting an injunction.....all is explained here.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002

Diamond78

Triker wrote: »

Hi your post caught my eye.

My thoughts are that if you do not follow through with the injunction and any other forms of legal and practical measures in order to halt the harrassment it will soon start up again.

Remember christmas is coming, a time of high tension for most and a time usually that abusing ex's to use as maximum harrassment and upset time.

Also you say that you have been down this emotional and gruelling journey before.......and he still continued to have a go.

For someone (your ex) who has distorted thinking patterns about how to get what he wants he will use any means necessary, e.g. initially charm, threats, physical and sexual, targetting your children through their sympathy, he will not stop until relevent others (solicitors, police, courts) are actively involved.

People like him do NOT like others knowing what they do or how they operate because bullying and terror are most effective when the victim is silent and tells no-one.

Yes enjoy your new life but I urge you to continue with what you are doing or next year you may be posting again in desperation.

You need a FAMILY LAW solicitor for your area not a solicitor who deals in housing issues. Google your area, family law, legal aid and hopefully some details of a solicitor who will be EFFECTIVE for you will pop up.


Good luck hun. xx

Totally agree. That sounds so like my sons dad. I had that happen for years. It only stopped in March this year. That is over 6 years of abuse. In the past I had injunctions, I moved in and out of womens refuges with my son. For years he had control over me. He stalked and harrassed me and he got his fina warning from the police, next time he will be banged up. His very very lucky to be out enjoying his freedom but these years have made me tougher and stronger. He can no longer manipulate me. Yes I still have fear as some of the stuff he did was nasty and sick but he cant bully me anymore. He cannot terrorise me anymore, let him try. I now have faith in the police coz the laws are tougher. Every single day 2 women die in the uk alone through domestic violence. You hear on the news about kids being killed, you never expect anyone to turn so nasty and be like that but something just goes off in their head making them capable of killing the most precious thing to them. Im not saying thats what your ex would do but you need to be careful and cautious, ppl can turn so nasty when they cannot accept its over, I know from my ex.Because he has used a knife on me, I know what he is capable of.Dont be scared but be cautious.Its so true that xmas time is one of the worst times for ppl in these situations. My sons first 2 xmas's was in refuges, how awful is that. He beat the crap out of me on both times, my 1st refuge was in essex when i lived in london, i had no friends or family close by. Its not long to xmas now, my son told me a 2 days ago that he misses his dad and wants to see him. My son hasnt seen him since march, ex knew where i lived and started giving me grief when he would be high on drink and drugs. Your ex also is a drink and drug user, please you know this makes them worse. I told my ex not to contact me after the abuse he gave me. now i dont know what to do. I dont want all the crap starting again, his dad will try again and at the moment ive got a lot of other problems so am not very strong. I dont know if i should allow my son to have contact with his dad coz of what he is like, his never bothered being a dad to my son, has never supported him when year after year i gave him the chance to bond with my son. I do not want him to know where i live, if he doesnt already know. My son wants him to come to our house but i told my son he is not allowed here, coz once he knows thats when all the S@@@ will start again.
Keep us updated, hope it goes well for you.x

Savvy_Sue

Your son is still quite young, and you are his mum. It might be worth responding with something like "Yes, I know your miss your dad and want to see him, but that's not possible right now."

If your ex has a history of not turning up when he's supposed to (as well as turning up when he shouldn't) it might be worth reminding your son that dad doesn't always keep to arrangements, and for that reason you don't want to make any new ones.

Without poisoning his mind, I do think we can be truthful with children too: even to saying that Daddy has hurt mummy very badly in the past, which is why you can't live together now, and you know that's sad, but it is better. Sometimes we're afraid to say "I'm your mum and I know best."

Diamond78

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Your son is still quite young, and you are his mum. It might be worth responding with something like "Yes, I know your miss your dad and want to see him, but that's not possible right now."

If your ex has a history of not turning up when he's supposed to (as well as turning up when he shouldn't) it might be worth reminding your son that dad doesn't always keep to arrangements, and for that reason you don't want to make any new ones.

Without poisoning his mind, I do think we can be truthful with children too: even to saying that Daddy has hurt mummy very badly in the past, which is why you can't live together now, and you know that's sad, but it is better. Sometimes we're afraid to say "I'm your mum and I know best."

Thanks for that. Its so hard right now. I stopped the contact in March as ex was being abusive on the phone. I told him when ds wanted to speak to him, ds would ring him. My son rang him about a month ago and left him a voicemail but he didnt ring back. I asked ds yesterday if he was sure he wanted too se his dad and he said yes. I did remind him that his dad didnt call him back. Ds also wants him to come to our house and I said he is not allowed as son knows and remembers him just turning up or trying to kick the door down. At the moment Im not living that fear of him just turning up but its still in the back of my mind. People should be able to live fear free and happy in their homes and when he knows where I am I cant as he watches my house and watches who comes in and out of my house and has even followed ppl like that. Although I doubt he would do that again with his history of drink and drugs I cannot risk having to go through of being put in a womans refuge again.My ex is very manipulative, very convincing and very very sly. I only have a brother so have no family or support as much but I am a lot stronger and wont take no rubbish from anyone. I dont want my son to hate me when his older for not letting him see his dad but the man has had 6 years to be a dad and I have given him many many chances to bond with son. But he doesnt stick to it. I have said each time, this is your last chance, I dont want my sons head being scewed up. He has just started to settle down and is doing well at school. I dont want him to be let down anymore as his older and his feelings are more mature if that makes sense. My ex will not have supervised visits, he refuses to go court so I dont know what to do.But thanks for replying to me.x