Help me please...i feel like giving up

blackeel

Bettyboop wrote: »

Hi, what an awful situation to be in. Unfortunately, as long as his name is on the mortgage he can come and go as he pleases which is really unfair given the circumstances as to why you are no longer together anymore. You are really brave, but if I were you I would get a few friends to come and stay with you for a bit. Don't let him catch you alone. Also, he may find it awkward to take things out while you have visitors if you know what I mean? Or perhaps you have some strong male friends who could 'protect' you and the kids if it became necessary? Don't let him by violent to you! Also, make the police aware of what's happened and what his next move is. All the best.

smartpicture wrote: »

You say that houses aren't selling where you are, but a house will sell if it is priced low enough - are you willing to lose part of your £50k equity to get out of this situation? In your circumstances, I would certainly consider it money well spent. You would still be left with a large lump of money to start a new life, and surely it's better to break free, even at a price, than to carry on living like this forever? Have you thought about how long you are willing to put up with it, or tried putting a price on how much you are willing to lose to get out of this situation? Obviously you're not willing to lose £50k, but is there an amount you are willing to lose, in order to gain other, more important things? If there is, would you be able to lower your house price, taking that into account, in order for it to sell more quickly?

ailuro2 wrote: »

I know this is a money saving site, but it is not a total of £50K you'd lose..

sell the house for less, you lose HALF of the lesser amount.

Buy another house in a cheaper area that has already lost a lot of value from the market, or simply rent a house in a nice area using your share of the profit. there are plenty around at the moment, at least in our area of the UK

It's not compulsory to own a home, and you might not forgive yourself for walking away with a lesser share of money, but you'd NEVER forgive yourself if anything happened to you or your kids because you hadn't moved as far as you could from this horrible,violent,ex.....

good Luck

Hi..As the 3 replies above are talking about the same thing(mainly the house and equity), I'll answer them all together...

I have in fact dropped the price(from an already lowered price) by £20k, just gone with a new estate agent, and am thinking seriously about my housing future.

No matter what i receive from the sale, wont be enough(in the present climate)to buy again....the consequences of this are,(as i am on benefits at the moment) is seeing my £30 or £40 or £50k..just being wasted on rent, when at the moment(and i'm not proud of this) the DSS is supporting us, and obviously if i sell, the equity will have to be spent to live...

I gather by a few of the comments that you have read the thread from the start(in the real nasty days), but can assure you it is 1000% better now...I havent heard from him for almost 2 months, he is barred from contacting me, or coming to the house, he hasnt bothered trying to contact the kids, and only recently he was forced to move out of his flat(200 yards from us) and now lives in another village....so EVERYTHING(touch wood) is peaceful...

I'm not niave enough to think it will always be like this, but its the best its been(ever), so i live in hope...

I would love to just get up and go, but tbh, i cant see any advantage, especially as something could come really good in the next few months...(touch wood again)

and Bettyboop....for almost a year, I suffered him just coming and going(altho never stayed..which was my biggest worry), but since nagging the Police, re the abusive and threatening texts, he has been arrested and bailed with conditions to stay away, so ive now changed the locks, and for once...feel safe...

Again, I thank everyone for their help and comments..which are all taken in a constructive manner....

The Police taking my (very impressionable and "easily swayed by his charm")daughter's phone is also a godsend.....

hannah2008

I just want to say Im so glad after reading all of these pages (8 of them), that this main problem is solved and you have some happyness back in your life, women should not lay down and take any type of physical or mental abuse... & youve proven with determination... it can be solved!

Absolutly thrilled for you Blackeel! Take care and please keep us updated. xxx

blackeel

hannah2008 wrote: »

I just want to say Im so glad after reading all of these pages (8 of them), that this main problem is solved and you have some happyness back in your life, women should not lay down and take any type of physical or mental abuse... & youve proven with determination... it can be solved!

Absolutly thrilled for you Blackeel! Take care and please keep us updated. xxx

Thanks Hannah, altho i dont think for one minute that "the main problem is solved"...and wont be i fear while he's still alive, as the kids will want to contact him, and it could start again...but i just hope it doesnt....But you are correct, no one should have to go through this, as i did for years, then i talked to someone on here, and he guided me(from a distance) to get me through this, its been hard, and ive hated him(my friend on here) more than once...or twice....as he nagged and nagged at me to push the police and other things....and ive got this far by hard work and in the end, my own determination, so am really pleased, and yes, ive met someone else and nice things are starting to happen in my life again...and had it not been for the credit crunch...I would have been away now.........

bookduck

Do you work or have disposable funds available?

The idea is that if you sell your house now it may very well sell for much less. So if you put your house into auction and not tell you other half you'll be bidding for it yourself, you will only have to pay for his portion, however you will have a mortgage for this, unless you have loads of disposable cash.

blackeel

bookduck wrote: »

Do you work or have disposable funds available?

The idea is that if you sell your house now it may very well sell for much less. So if you put your house into auction and not tell you other half you'll be bidding for it yourself, you will only have to pay for his portion, however you will have a mortgage for this, unless you have loads of disposable cash.

No i dont work....and have no disposable funds...and it would be impossible to do as u say..too many spies about...but thanks....

blackeel

hannah2008 wrote: »

I just want to say Im so glad after reading all of these pages (8 of them), that this main problem is solved and you have some happyness back in your life, women should not lay down and take any type of physical or mental abuse... & youve proven with determination... it can be solved!

Absolutly thrilled for you Blackeel! Take care and please keep us updated. xxx

Wow Hannah....Speak of the devil......Only hours after replying to you, I get a letter off his new solicitor....

Apparently he's applying for Parental responsibilities??, with the view to seeing the children on either a Saturday or Sunday 10-5, then leading up to them staying over night.....It will all take place under his bail conditions that he doesnt contact me, or come to the house......

I'm not going to bother rushing to tell my solicitor........I wonder if his solicitor knows he is a drug user, (police hauled him in a fortnight ago when he threatened his previous landlady while drugged up) I wonder if his solicitor knows he has a one bedroom flat(i have 4 kids...where will they sleep, sit, play)....and I wonder if his solicitor knows any of his previous history, that he used to lie about half naked and drunk in front of his kids....

It sounds to me as though hes changed his solicitor, as his previous solicitor knew all about his past.....

and some better news...apparently the Police have taken his phone off him....the phone from which he made all those threatening texts, so it looks as though they are building a case against him.....

Again i wonder if this sudden request to see the children is part of his defense, in that he is trying to be a responsible parent....Well that would be good..........as he's never been that in all our years together, and imho, could never be........