Help me please...i feel like giving up

Susan_Frost

Just a thought, but could you run some of this by a different solicitor. I'm not saying yours is not giving good advice, but after a year out of the house I would have thought there was something that could be done, especially with now receiving threatening texts.

blackeel

First of all let me thank everyone for their concern and good wishes...

I apologise for the lack of recent words, but to be honest, this has been the quietest and least stressful period for ages..and i just wanted to enjoy it....peaceful i say up till earlier in the week...

Things were so peaceful, that i decided(in hindsight maybe wrongly so) to forget about my situation and try to enjoy myself with kids...

There were little incidences of him upsetting the kids and the kids coming back with things he's said...which i did report, but Police said it was "indirect harrassment" and could'nt procede with it......so as i say, i just forgot about it, didnt log it, and hope it went away.....it didnt...

The other night my eldest, got a horrible sexually insinuating text about me from him, she was awfully upset..

Anyway on Wednesday i took her phone to the Police station and they logged this, and other things i had recently written own....

Whilst there i found out that the conditions of his release were he could not contact me or come near the house...this he hasnt done...(this is brilliant, altho i still dont know if its just a condition, or an injunction...or what)

The police man i spoke to, didnt know whether this text to my daughter contravened those terms, but i have been assured they will act on it and come back to me...

Hes beenon cocaine recently, and actually had the kids hating him last week, but hes clean now, so my eldest thinks hes great now,,,Shes 14, he lives 500 yards away, i cant stop her seeing him, without alienating her from me...

I'd love to just pack up and go, but cant leave behinnd my £50k share of this house...I could never forgive myself for doing this....

Thanks again to everyone....I'll let you know the next step,,,

Mely

Blackeel...im really happy for you that you managed to have nice Christmas with your children. Keep us updated, and more importantly keep strong...your an inspiration! ((((hugs)))) xxxx

blackeel

Mely wrote: »

Blackeel...im really happy for you that you managed to have nice Christmas with your children. Keep us updated, and more importantly keep strong...your an inspiration! ((((hugs)))) xxxx

Thanks, altho far from an inspiration.....I keep letting myself down at times...

My internet friend keeps on to me,that i must not let my guard down but i sometimes let things go i shouldnt, and if i can give one piece of solid advice..it would be

Record everything.....dont give up because he's been quiet, because you'll possibly find that when he does start again......the evidence you didnt record and report, combined with what hes doing now, could have got him restrained even further if u had reported it and used it....

Its actually the bl00dy credit crunch thats beating me at the moment...Ive got @£50k equity tied up in this house and i cant get rid of it, hes even agreed to a lesser share(ages ago)(must have been a moment of madness) and to sell at a reduced price(hes heavily in debt)(hopefully to some murderous drug dealers...lol) ....but houses here are just not selling......so i'm stuck here in the same town as him for the forseeable future...........

So at least i can blame someone else for a change...lol

Mely

Blackeel.....dont be too hard on yourself. You have done so well to get this far!
The credit crunch really is a b*mmer though! But you never know you might get a surprise offer on the house out of the blue, as you have reduced the price.

yoni_one

blackeel wrote: »

if i can give one piece of solid advice..it would be

Record everything.....dont give up because he's been quiet, because you'll possibly find that when he does start again......the evidence you didnt record and report, combined with what hes doing now, could have got him restrained even further if u had reported it and used it....

So you have had lapses in focus, it is draining to be on alert 24/7 and sometimes the easier route combined with hope that things are getting better can play with our minds.

You regret not having recorded everything but you have now learned how important it is, it is very likely that he will provide lots more evidence for you to record and if he doesn't then your stresses are reduced anyway.

Don't beat yourself up over what you wish you had done, use that energy to put it right now.

You really are doing extremely well.

blackeel

Update...

Things have been quiet for a while now, since he was ordered to stay away, and make no contact, its been wonderful, except for the text to my eldest i mentioned earlier...It was nasty, but seemed a one off, so altho i noted it, i didnt inform the Police straight away....

Apparently he got kicked out of his digs(which were 200 yards from me) for being drugged up and threatening his land lady..which also resulted in him being locked up for the night (which hopefully is another positive for me as well) and is now living a few miles aay....which again has taken the "being spied on feeling" away....

The Police came out the other day, and (thanks to my internet friend again) i was able to retrieve the horrible text from my daughters phone(after she blocked the sim) and the Police were so concerned at the nastiness of the text, they took my daughters phone as evidence...(which altho i took some nastiness off her when she realised her phone had gone) is a real blessing, as he cant contact her now, and she cant contact him.....

The next step is a court appearance, but i dont know much more than this.....and as everything is peaceful...i'll just leave the Police to get on, in their own time while i try to get my life back.

Thanks again for all your help....

Bettyboop

Hi, what an awful situation to be in. Unfortunately, as long as his name is on the mortgage he can come and go as he pleases which is really unfair given the circumstances as to why you are no longer together anymore. You are really brave, but if I were you I would get a few friends to come and stay with you for a bit. Don't let him catch you alone. Also, he may find it awkward to take things out while you have visitors if you know what I mean? Or perhaps you have some strong male friends who could 'protect' you and the kids if it became necessary? Don't let him by violent to you! Also, make the police aware of what's happened and what his next move is. All the best.

smartpicture

You say that houses aren't selling where you are, but a house will sell if it is priced low enough - are you willing to lose part of your £50k equity to get out of this situation? In your circumstances, I would certainly consider it money well spent. You would still be left with a large lump of money to start a new life, and surely it's better to break free, even at a price, than to carry on living like this forever? Have you thought about how long you are willing to put up with it, or tried putting a price on how much you are willing to lose to get out of this situation? Obviously you're not willing to lose £50k, but is there an amount you are willing to lose, in order to gain other, more important things? If there is, would you be able to lower your house price, taking that into account, in order for it to sell more quickly?

ailuro2

I know this is a money saving site, but it is not a total of £50K you'd lose..

sell the house for less, you lose HALF of the lesser amount.

Buy another house in a cheaper area that has already lost a lot of value from the market, or simply rent a house in a nice area using your share of the profit. there are plenty around at the moment, at least in our area of the UK

It's not compulsory to own a home, and you might not forgive yourself for walking away with a lesser share of money, but you'd NEVER forgive yourself if anything happened to you or your kids because you hadn't moved as far as you could from this horrible,violent,ex.....

good Luck