Help me please...i feel like giving up

Loretta

Surely when his bail is over you should have an injunction in place? and make sure it covers both you and the children

Diamond78

Loretta wrote: »

Surely when his bail is over you should have an injunction in place? and make sure it covers both you and the children

Totally agree with Loretta. You need to get an injunction and one with a power of arrest attached to it. Police know very well Domestic Violence goes up in December. Ask the police questions and get answers so you know where you stand. Tell them, he kicks off when its family celebrations ect. The more info you give police the more they will have on him.
I hope everything goes well and you have a great time at your mums.

Loretta

There is an article in the Brighton Evening Argus tonight, you can look at it on line about domestic violence, sussex police have had special courts for these cases for a few months and it seems to be working, also it does say there that this is the worst time of the year and the police have got themselves organised for it. I am sure if you speak to the ones you are already dealing with, they already know the background they would rather have an injunction in place with power of arrest so they can deal with it easily and quickly with no further arguments, good luck

Mely

Diamond and Loretta superb advice!!!

Blackeel..even though i havent posted on this thread for a while, you and your children have been in my thoughts. Im glad you havent had any problems for a while! Please take the advice about getting and injuction etc. You need as much protection as possible from your ex. And you know how things can be around Christmas time, and the New year. People can tend to act more volatile at this time of year. Its best for you to be forearmed and forewarned, just in case! Hopefully you will have a happy and peacefull Christmas with your family. And i really do wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New year! ((((hugs))))

blackeel

Loretta wrote: »

Surely when his bail is over you should have an injunction in place? and make sure it covers both you and the children

Errrrr......no....I seem to have missed this.....

My solicitor told me she couldnt represent me for more than one Legal aid case...so i told the DVU this......they came back with another solicitor......unfortunately it was HIS solicitor...I told them this........and have heard nothing more....

Apparently, action can only be taken on incidents happening within the last 14 days............and theres been nothing..................

Police still havent come back to me(ive phoned 3 times) about any conditions attatched to the lifting of his bail............but...he has let things be known to my eldest(re him seeing her christmas Day) that he CANT come to the house.........which i am hoping is one of the conditions...

She is going to see him on Christmas Day(under my terms and conditions).......and he wants to see the little ones as well.........but I am scared because I know (from prevoius visits) he will try to poison their minds(mummy tried to put me in prison etc) and it upsets their (and mine and my families) Christmas ...but I dont know what i can do....

I cant stop them going...........

I cant allow him round the house....(as an invite will possibly nullify his conditions)

I dont want to see him at all(as it will cause trouble)

and i cant find a chaperone to look after them...altho i doubt he would entertain that anyway....

So altho it is peaceful at the moment, and he cant get to me directly.....I feel problems coming on Christmas Day...

yoni_one

((blackeel)) I have just spotted your thread and only read the first and last pages but fully understand your concerns now as we approach Christmas and it reaches the end of his bail term.

I work for Women's Aid and many regions offer an Outreach Service whereby a worker should be on hand to support you throughout this, either visiting you in the home or agreeing on a mutually safe place to meet. Have you asked if this service is available from your local refuge? If there is an Outreach Service in your area your local DVU should be able to refer you however you should be able to self refer also. Details of local DV & A services are available here - http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Forgive me if I am going over ground that has already been covered but has anyone discussed the Sanctuary Scheme with you? Supporting you and your family to remain in the home? It may not be appropriate in your case but further details summarised here - http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010009000500030016 and full details here - http://www.communities.gov.uk/documents/housing/pdf/154295.pdf

Also, I don't know if the link has already been given but you should be able to find some of your answers regarding your rights on www.row.org.uk where you can contact women lawyers for free legal advice on: [URL="livecall:02072516577"]020 7251 6577[/URL] (telephone) or [URL="livecall:02074902562"]020 7490 2562[/URL] (textphone) on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, 2-4pm and 7-9pm and Fridays, 12noon-2pm

Your kids will be all over the place emotionally and its good to hear you understand the pressures they will feel under and the pressures they may put you under as they respond to their father's attempts to further abuse you. Kids can feel very pushed and pulled, they can also sometimes feel that somehow it is their fault. If you can gently communicate with them that it is ok for them to feel torn / upset / confused / angry etc and under no circumstances is it their fault for you having seperated and under no circumstances is it their job to try and fix things between you.

They probably know his behaviour is wrong but if you try telling them that you risk them feeling the need to take sides so I suggest you talk in general terms about what is and isn't respectful behaviour.

Good age-appropriate online information is available for kids at http://www.thehideout.org.uk/under10/isithappeningtome/default.aspa

It is also helpful for parents to read these pages to help better understand what their children may be going through and best to support them.

I hope some of this information will be of help to you and I really hope you have a safe and happy time with your children this Christmas.

blackeel

yoni_one wrote: »

I hope some of this information will be of help to you and I really hope you have a safe and happy time with your children this Christmas.

Thanks for all the above advice, altho i must admit(because things are so quiet) i havent acted at all, but have taken it all in and it will be used if needed...

My eldest took the little ones round to his Christmas Eve for an hour, I was worried that he would try to upset them, but they seemed quite ok when they returned......apart from the £100 he promised to give them each, ended up being £18 each...........but tbh...........its true to form.....

I think the kids realise now, where the love is, and where their bread is buttered.............and them visiting him, has been a godsend really.

Hopefully we will hear no more of him over the festive period....or for that matter........forever

I still havent found out what conditions were attatched to the lifting of his bail.....but it must include...no communication with me, or visits to the house....which, is all i want....

I will try and get some more info from the police next week....but tbh, its been great to have a break from thinking and talking and worrying about this.....

I've had an "ex-free" Christmas Day, had all my family round me, and lots of good wishes from my friend afar......

Thanks again for all the support from this thread......and I will pursue this to its rightfull conclusion.....

Mrs_Optimist

Any update?

Lilith1980

Hi Blackeel, have just been reading this thread.

What a time you have been having, I hope things start to improve for you hun. You and your kids deserve some peace and quiet and the chance to rebuild your lives.

Hope you had a peaceful Christmas hun, as Mrs Optimist says, would be good to have an update to make sure you're all ok.

Teapartymum

OMG Ive just read this thread and want to give you a hug and send you loads of support vibes.

I cant get my head around what you and your children have been through, I really cant.

How are things now?

Thinking of you.