Help me please...i feel like giving up

blackeel

AnnieM wrote: »

I am so glad you have finally had some good news! :beer:

AnnieM x

Thanks AnnieM and everyone who has contributed to this good news.....its the first success ive had regarding this, apart from a warning he got last year...I feel its far from over, but at least this time i feel as though there are now some people in authority who are backing me...

And to the girl who pmed me today...Please get in touch with Womens Aid...your case is far more serious than mine,,,failing that ask on here, or start your own thread....the people on MSE are wonderful, and will help, dont suffer alone as i did for a time...

blackeel

Update...

Since he got arrested and then bailed ive heard nothing from him(touch wood), he hasnt seen the kids, and the kids havent asked to see him...We(me and kids) have been away for weekend(writing this from sisters), so have had no chance meetings with him, and no texts or calls.........and its been so relaxing...but feel a bit of stress coming on for Monday...

Last cop that came out, says i need to make my statements again...........

At the best of times my memory isnt very good..Ive made statements to various cops, at the times the incidents happened, and luckily have written down the most recent ones, ive got some evidence in emails i sent my friend, but cant remember phone threats or times and dates he made them...this is their incompetence,,,,how can this happen, why cant one cop, go to another and ask for the statement i made.......or....do they think ive lied, and are now trying to catch me out...but with kids stressing me out a lot of the time, and the way he harrassed me...how do they expect me to recall,dates, times and events off weeks ago.......luckily ive got this thread as well, which holds some date and time info....but feel this cop isnt on my side......is this possible?

I really appreciate the advice of writing everything down at the time it happens...and i wish i'd done it with everything.......much much earlier....

So advice to anyone in a similar situation...........Write it all down, asap after it happens...............and keep a record of it

jay11_2

I'm so glad things are settling down! Try not to worry about the statements, it'll just be 'procedure', I'd just do your best and say you can't remember exactly because you were so stressed. They'll be able to tell the difference between deliberate lies/fabrications and things forgotten with the passing of time.

I hope things stay quiet and peaceful for you, jay xx

Mely

Im so pleased for you , stay safe and happy with your children (((hugs))) xxxx

blackeel

Update.......

He's apparently out on bail until further evidence is submitted....

Police are coming on friday to take my statement(again) so hopefully i will be able to gather everything together for them then, but i am worried it wont be enough for him to be found guilty anyway, giving him license to start again, altho i have other irons in the fire....

Had a little bit of indirect contact today when he (alledgedly) sent one of his young nephew's(yes one of the same young nephew's), to tell my kids that "their dad still loves them" while they were playing outside......Ive written the incident down.

Otherwise its been a wonderful week....

Princess_Jane

Re what another poster said about domestic violence courts - I often attend these through work and the magistrates and court staff are specially trained for dealing with these kind of cases.

From an onlooker's point of view, if found guilty, defendants seem to receive more stringent sentences than non-DV courts, though the maximum prison sentence which mags can impose is 12months.

Witnesses can give evidence through special measures i.e. video link from another room or behind screens though I've never seen one have to attend a hearing so far.

And defendants aren't allowed to cross-examine their alleged victims.

They are a fairly new thing so I'm not sure if they are going on in all court circuits - I'm speaking from experience of the North East.

Hope this helps.

http://http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7713821.stm

blackeel

Princess_Jane wrote: »

Re what another poster said about domestic violence courts - I often attend these through work and the magistrates and court staff are specially trained for dealing with these kind of cases.

From an onlooker's point of view, if found guilty, defendants seem to receive more stringent sentences than non-DV courts, though the maximum prison sentence which mags can impose is 12months.

Witnesses can give evidence through special measures i.e. video link from another room or behind screens though I've never seen one have to attend a hearing so far.

And defendants aren't allowed to cross-examine their alleged victims.

They are a fairly new thing so I'm not sure if they are going on in all court circuits - I'm speaking from experience of the North East.

Hope this helps.

http://http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7713821.stm

This is a massive relief...............thanks...

The Police are coming Monday to take my statement, its taken me ages to do it, and have had some very stressful moments doing it, in fact in recalling lots of incidents, i almost gave up....but my internet friend(also from the North), helped me get my mind straight, and I will photocopy it...just in case the Police ask for it again, and for reference.....

Thanks for all your help Rob.............................and others.

blackeel

Update

Well its 10 days since my last post, and touch wood, everything is quiet..

Statement taker came and was understanding and helpful...

Since then the Police have been and theyve got my phone that he texts to/has the texts on....

I apologised to the police for not pursuing this last yer, and got a shock when the PC, stopped me, and apologised for the police's lack of action in the past, telling me it wasnt my fault, but a fault in the system, that HE actually felt embarrassed about...and said this should have been sorted last year.......at last a HUMAN caring policeman.....

I told him everything and he wrote it down,

My ex's nephews are giving verbal messages to my kids at school, just basically telling them "that their dad loves them very much"....the likds tell me they dont want to know!!...Ive reported this and write down every incident..

Hopefully he can move on, but I do fear a repetition of last year as Christmas approaches......but at least ive got some better protection this year...especially with changed locks....

Thanks again for all your help.....

Savvy_Sue

You may not know, today is the International Day to End Violence Against Women. A good day for a good response from the police. Hope your ex gets the message v. soon.

Loretta

blackeel wrote: »

Update

Well its 10 days since my last post, and touch wood, everything is quiet..

Statement taker came and was understanding and helpful...

Since then the Police have been and theyve got my phone that he texts to/has the texts on....

I apologised to the police for not pursuing this last yer, and got a shock when the PC, stopped me, and apologised for the police's lack of action in the past, telling me it wasnt my fault, but a fault in the system, that HE actually felt embarrassed about...and said this should have been sorted last year.......at last a HUMAN caring policeman.....

I told him everything and he wrote it down,

My ex's nephews are giving verbal messages to my kids at school, just basically telling them "that their dad loves them very much"....the likds tell me they dont want to know!!...Ive reported this and write down every incident..

Hopefully he can move on, but I do fear a repetition of last year as Christmas approaches......but at least ive got some better protection this year...especially with changed locks....

Thanks again for all your help.....

Pleased to hear things are at last going well, they had to really!

It just goes to show to other people in your position that you must just keep on and on and keep records and eventually you will have a breakthrough like you have done

Good luck and keep us posted