Help me please...i feel like giving up

blackeel

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

You may not know, today is the International Day to End Violence Against Women. A good day for a good response from the police. Hope your ex gets the message v. soon.

Thanks for this Sue, I did not know this, but if this day had anthing to do with the response i received, lets hope its not just a one off and all Police are trained to act sympathetically with victims, and it is like this 365 days of the year not just the one....

Loretta wrote: »

Pleased to hear things are at last going well, they had to really!

It just goes to show to other people in your position that you must just keep on and on and keep records and eventually you will have a breakthrough like you have done

Good luck and keep us posted

Thanks Loretta....yes.... last year i gave in, and got no where....My internet friend(Rob) never gave in, to the point that i fell out with him a few times, but he persisted and even though it was all down to me in the end, i'm glad he did.

I'm a bit unsure of what is actually happenning at the moment....

I gave statements to the Police, Ive given statements to the DVU, and the long statement to the civillian statement taker, the Police also have my phone........but what happens next??..

My stars say i should just let things take their time, so i dont want to ask, or push the queston with the Police...

Life is pretty good at the moment, and ive become a lot calmer, and ive got a lot more time for my kids, and finally starting to get them under control...

Ive started to realise that my life may be planned and have seriuously started reading the stars, and feel much calmer, much more in control, and much more rellaxed....Things are starting to happen in my life like happen to normal people......met a lovely man............(but its got to be a secret)

I'm still concerned that if the evidence isnt good enough to get an Injunction against my ex, or the like, he will think he now has a license to harrass me again............

So, in no uncertain terms do i think i am in the clear yet........and of course theres still the house to sell, and i doubt i would ever get him to agree to sell it to a "buying company" at 30% less than market value....just so i can get away from him and his family.......unless anyone knows whether i can force this.........

Again...thanks to all concerned......

Loretta

blackeel wrote: »

Thanks for this Sue, I did not know this, but if this day had anthing to do with the response i received, lets hope its not just a one off and all Police are trained to act sympathetically with victims, and it is like this 365 days of the year not just the one....



Thanks Loretta....yes.... last year i gave in, and got no where....My internet friend(Rob) never gave in, to the point that i fell out with him a few times, but he persisted and even though it was all down to me in the end, i'm glad he did.

I'm a bit unsure of what is actually happenning at the moment....

I gave statements to the Police, Ive given statements to the DVU, and the long statement to the civillian statement taker, the Police also have my phone........but what happens next??..

My stars say i should just let things take their time, so i dont want to ask, or push the queston with the Police...

Life is pretty good at the moment, and ive become a lot calmer, and ive got a lot more time for my kids, and finally starting to get them under control...

Ive started to realise that my life may be planned and have seriuously started reading the stars, and feel much calmer, much more in control, and much more rellaxed....Things are starting to happen in my life like happen to normal people......met a lovely man............(but its got to be a secret)

I'm still concerned that if the evidence isnt good enough to get an Injunction against my ex, or the like, he will think he now has a license to harrass me again............

So, in no uncertain terms do i think i am in the clear yet........and of course theres still the house to sell, and i doubt i would ever get him to agree to sell it to a "buying company" at 30% less than market value....just so i can get away from him and his family.......unless anyone knows whether i can force this.........

Again...thanks to all concerned......

I think you just have to wait for the law to take it's course. You are on your way now and there are records about you with the police. If they don't have enough now it is all still there. If it starts again it is all added to what has already happened and a picture starts to form. Sometimes it is not just one incident but lots of incidents that builds a case. The police are not going to say to you 'that's it' and forget you and you have to start all over again. The climate has changed with this sort of thing even in the past year.

You will be OK but don't foget to keep a diary, any contact at all note it down

blackeel

Loretta wrote: »

I think you just have to wait for the law to take it's course. You are on your way now and there are records about you with the police. If they don't have enough now it is all still there. If it starts again it is all added to what has already happened and a picture starts to form. Sometimes it is not just one incident but lots of incidents that builds a case. The police are not going to say to you 'that's it' and forget you and you have to start all over again. The climate has changed with this sort of thing even in the past year.

You will be OK but don't foget to keep a diary, any contact at all note it down

DVU contacted me this morning, and "HE" has definately been served with a harrassment order (rather than just being verbally warned) and now also has to apply to the courts to arrange for access to see the kids...

Apparently the DVU'd had another referral from the police which must have increased the urgency of the order....

Unfortunately (even tho he phoned me beforehand to tell me it would happen, and i told the police before it happened) theres no evidence that he had anything to do with the damage to my car(coward).......so he'll get away with that....

Thanks again to all concerned.......... very very much appreciated

guruo

I have just seen in my local paper.

blackeel

He's let it be known to the kids, that his bail conditions are up the week before Christmas, so hes told them he will come round that week and give them their Christmas presents....my eldest who(without prompting..hated him a week ago), now thinks he is the "bees knees"................this is the period of uncertainty i have been dreading......

Can i apply for another warning or harrassment order, to at least take me over the festive period........surely the authorities must know this is a vunerable time.....

He can see the kids!!!.......but not at the house......

Any advice please??

Savvy_Sue

Ask the police, the specialist DV officers.

blackeel

Update...

He's told the kids that if he cant come to the house for Christmas then theres no presents.....This is because hes got no money....and has just been up to court for his debts....so it doesnt wash with me.......

The thing is.....unfortunately, the kids will believe him, and i will get the blame........but I think I can take it now...I've managed to get them nearly all they've asked for......so i hope his threat will back fire on him.....

On top of this...I have informed the authorities of this harassment, but unfortunately, as it wasnt said direct to me, it cant be used against him....although they noted it.......

As i said in an earlier post, his bail is up this week....but I was told by the Police, even though his bail is up.......any harassment from him, will see him arrested........I hope theyre correct here, as I am expecting some harrassment next week....

Had a wonderful policeman out today...very imformative and caring.....its wonderful the change in attitude of the Police, in the 2 years ive been having trouble.......very encouraging......

Also had the long awaited "bobbyvan" out...but theyre coming back later......

Thanks again for all the support, and nagging the authorities really works, altho Rob, my internet friend told me to do this 18 months ago, and I didnt, I feel that nagging certainly works better now that the Police seem to care ....

blackeel

PS........realised that my eldest daughter and her friend had been going to visit him....

One day last week, her friend told me he was ill, and had no food in the house....and had asked them to steal some food from me and take it round....I phoned police about this and let them know about this indirect harrassment.........and thought nothing more of it...

The next day i caught my eldest stealing food from our kitchen and taking it round to him.....needless to say shes lost a lot of priveledges......

Its amazing that no matter how much you give your children, and how much you do for them.....theyre always swayed by a sob story.......

ps...he's working, earning good money.......of which we see..........absolutely nothing....

Diamond78

I havent been on here for a while so havent had a chance to read your posts and how your getting on but from the look of things he is still being a pain in the @@@@!!!!!

What he is doing is emotional blackmail, very common with those type of ppl. Apologies if already done but you need to update your solicitor and police again, keep going on at them.

My ex was the same, he would dissapear off the earth before xmas and my sons birthday, he done it for several years so now, he does not get the chance to vanish as he doesnt see son. He refuses to have contact in a centre and I refuse to give out my address so as a result my son is suffering although now my son has stopped asking for him.

I not long ago applied to the child support agency as previously this was impossible due to his violence and threats over the CSA. Now he does not know where I live and with son getting older, financially I am really strugglying so had no choice. He refuses to buy son clothes, shoes or pay for his swimming or football. Ex also has a very well paid job and pays for one of 4 kids his has, says it all really and he pays that through his wages as his ex went csa about 8 years ago!!
I know for a fact that he will flip and try and kick off when the csa get hold of him. So far the csa cannot get hold of him but they have his national insurance number.
My advice to you, talk to your solicitor about claiming child support, if you have not got an injunction yet, GET ONE as xmas is one of the worst times of the year when domestic violence really hits a high so just be on your guard.

It cant be easy for your child. I remember when my mum and dad split up and i use to see him, he would really slate off my mum and asks me stuff about her, which at the time i didnt know I was doing wrong. Same with my mum, they were both as bad as each other, which is why its so important to me not to be the same and which is what I have tried to do but if spermdonor doesnt want to cooperate, nothing more can be done.

I know your strong and can get through this. Big HUGS xxx

blackeel

Tomorrow is the first big test..............its my mams birthday and also Mam and Dads Wedding Anniversary........so what....... u may ask......well

He's always spoilt my family celebrations, drunk, drugged, argumentitive, upset kids, or just plain nasty................and coupled with this.....

His bail is up tomorrow.....and altho Police say there will be "stay away" conditions attatched.........i still feel he will react badly and something bad will happen..........so i am worried and stressed at the moment......

I'll let u know......but hopefully there will be nothing to report

Thnks for constant support.......the last weeks have been the easiest for a long time............long may it continue