Help me please...i feel like giving up

blackeel

Diamond78 wrote: »

Thats ok sweety, I hope you will be ok. What did he say to you when you told him everything. he may get a bit scared now and back off. Sometimes when they go quite can be a good thing, sometimes not. You need to know all your options and act on them.x

He went quiet, i hung up, the nastiness will no doubt start again tonight, the severity possibly depends on which drugs or how much drink he consumes...

Unfortunately he now knows i am out most of the day, and at my sisters tonight(the kids are really loking forward to this), otherwise i would stay in and lock the doors...........so will have to wait and see what materialises.

AnnieM_3

Do you have a security chain or a security bar on the door?

I'd invest in a good strong one, and use it. That way, he can only get into the house when you're there if you let him in, despite having keys, and if he does break his way in, you'll hear it, and can call the police.

melancholly

how horrible - sending you all my best wishes....

if he turns up at the house, ring 999 and say your ex partner, who has a history of violence against you, is trying to break into your home. make it clear you have children in the house. they should be there asap and you won't have to 'face' him on your own.

hope this imminent issue of him re-appearing gets sorted asap... hugs

blackeel

Last two posts taken in thanks, but my security isnt very good as there has been no threat for a while...

He phoned me earlier to say the police were at his mams house(where he was) and would i please call them off. I told him i couldnt do this as it was out of my hands now...

The police were supposed to ring me when they served the warning...but havent...I take from this that they didnt find him and havent served the warning..

I am not at home at the moment. and hope HE isnt there either.

Thanks again for all the good advice.

Loretta

blackeel wrote: »

He rang this morning after police called..I told him everything, told him if he wanted to see kids he should go through solicitor, and as he saw them last week, this weekend was my weekend...I told him not to bother me again...

Injunction/harassment order should come if he disobeys warning, so i will have to wait and see. I will log everything, but just have to wait and see what happens first. Solicitor believes he can enter house as its half his.

I don't believe that he can either move back in or just come round and walk in whenever he wants. If he comes round and behaves as you have described he is threatening and harrassing to you and with children present they cannot be allowed to witness this behaviour.

I think you need a new solicitor as quickly as possible, I am sure women's aid can recommend a solcitor in your area who specialises in domestic violence and understands the urgency, maybe a female solicitor. I wish we had a
some idea of the area you live in, someone would then know a real 'rotweiler' solicitor to deal with this pronto

I cannot believe that the people you have had advice from are letting it drag on.

As has already been said when you call the police you usually get someone who is bored with domestics, this is not their choice, they cannot pick and choose what they deal with, keep on calling them and eventually you will get one who knows something has to be done and will be horrified that this has gone on so long especially with the children. If you get a police officer who really wants to help they can check his car, breathalise him, drugs, check if he has any unpaid fines, really annoy him so he finds somewhere else to play. At the moment he is making life difficult for you, life must be made difficult for him.

But after the weekend you must contact the police and insist that someone who has the authority deals with this, most forces have been reprimanded for not dealing with domestic violence properly and although the beat bobbies may not bother their senior office know that must and you will get some help

Keep posting and don't give up

Loretta

blackeel wrote: »

He went quiet, i hung up, the nastiness will no doubt start again tonight, the severity possibly depends on which drugs or how much drink he consumes...

Unfortunately he now knows i am out most of the day, and at my sisters tonight(the kids are really loking forward to this), otherwise i would stay in and lock the doors...........so will have to wait and see what materialises.

Keep phoning the police, if they find him and he is drunk or on drugs his behaviour may help you, he may turn on the police and they will have to do something then.

Unfortunately the one who shouts the loudest and is a nuisance will get there isn the end. It doesn't have to be violence, threats and intimidation are enough. Why haven't you changed your phone number? I wouldn't want him having access to my children when he behaves like this and drinks and takes drugs even if he is their father, are you sure they would be safe with him?

kelloggs36

If he has vacated the property and you change the locks then he does NOT have the right to break in even if he owns half of it if you are in and do not want him there - I was told this by the police when in a similar situation. He can break in when you are not there though!!!

Diamond78

Im glad your staying at your sisters tonight. Please please dont give in to him. He will probaly try and sweet talk you. Thats what some are like. They will promise you the world, tell you how much they love you, promise you the world but if thats the case he has to prove himself. He needs to get help. My ex still drinks and take drugs, I have friends that do that too but they never get nasty, violent or abusive. Your a mum, you have a hard job as it is being a single parent, you dont need all this S@@@ his putting you through. Dont tell the police not to go ahead with things. The more you tell the police you dont want him cautioned or warned, the more the police may not take it seriously.

I know your strong and I know you have the strength and courage to stand up to him. If you dont do it for yourself do it for your lovely children. Im sure they will miss their dad but sometimes life is complex. You can tell the kids that daddys not well and they will see him when his better. You know, he knows and any other adult and tenager knows the dangers of drugs and what it does to the mind. If his on class A drugs then dont let the kids see him unsupervised.

Are you in London by any chance? Maybe not from what you have said, like police not being close and not having solicitors but please ring womans aid again and remember to note down times of calls and what he says. His a big big fool. He will try and make you feel sorry for him, they all do it, men or women who are violent and unfortunatly myself included fell for this many many times but dont do it coz you wont get much help. Please look after yourself, you should be proud of yourslf, you have done well bringing up the kids and putting up with his bullying. When you have 5 minutes when you go bed, think how well you have done, you can achieve sooo much still, dont let him ruin your life just coz his is ruined. At least the police have done something, seriously though, is there anyone that you know that can fit in a new lock? Any uncles brother, brother in laws, anyone you know try and ask. Be and keep safe. Lots of love and hugs.xx

Savvy_Sue

Even if not a new lock, fitting a security chain isn't hard and would improve your security ...

ELIZA_D

Well Done Blackeel.........you are moving in the right direction....stay strong.....keep posting xxxxxx