Help me please...i feel like giving up

blackeel

Well.........nothings happenned...Womens aid called, but because i'd already been in touch with the Domestic Violence Unit, and the Injunction people and the Police were coming round to take a statement(if it wasnt too close to tea time...or a 7 year old shoplifter wasnt on the prowl) ....they told me to continue down the path i was going

Well I told the DVU about him threatening my life, and read out the sexual texts...

Ive got no proof he threatened me, and the sexual texts arent threatening!!!!

And to top it all, the police didnt even bother to come out....or to phone...

This mirrors what happened 12 months ago.

After him apologising to me, and saying he would stay away, hes decided, he coming tomorrow to see the kids...Ive told him its inconvenient as i have to go out...but hes got keys and can just let himself in.

Thanks for all the support, but for me at least, in real life it never happens as other people seem to think it should..

The police in my area are not bothered about domestic arguments....

blackeel

Police turned up a 8.30 this morning, I gave statement, showed them the texts and they are now looking for him to serve him with a warning to stay away........Its certainly eased the situation, but will just have to wait and see what happens. They told me exactly what to do, and how to log incidents, and if he persists, a harasment order will be served....but...thats what they said last year, and it never came about.

Loretta

blackeel wrote: »

Police turned up a 8.30 this morning, I gave statement, showed them the texts and they are now looking for him to serve him with a warning to stay away........Its certainly eased the situation, but will just have to wait and see what happens. They told me exactly what to do, and how to log incidents, and if he persists, a harasment order will be served....but...thats what they said last year, and it never came about.

Log every, every time he phones, every time he sends a text, every time he calls round phone the police, 999 every time. First of all there is the harrassment, you have asked him not to contact you and every time he does it is harrassment, you have also been threatened, that is a different offence. Keep on until they realise that you will not go away. On Monday morning if not before either phone or if that is not successful call round at the police station, maybe taking someone with you for support and insist that you see someone higher up who will do the job properly. make a nuisance of yourself

You should not have to live like this and the children shouldn't either.

Are you getting an injunction, is your solicitor doing anything, what do women's aid advise? Someone has to do soemthing to help you. If I lived near you I would help

I hate bullies

Diamond78

I agree with Loretta. Dont give up. What area or location are you in? Can you contact your gp and aks them to refer you to a specialist place that deals with domestic violence? I would help you too as I know what its like when you on your own. Its hard when children are involved but if you carry on like Loretta said, you wil eventually have your life back and you will be able to live without fear and in peace.
I had same problems for years. Sometimes I was lucky enough to have a good police officer that dealt with my case and other times I had officers who couldnt be bothered and let him get away with it even when there was enough evidence.
You need to see a solicitor again,maybe get another one. Ring womans aid again and ask to speak to a supervisor coz from what Im understanding, who ever you spoke to is not giving you enough information. They should atleast offer you alternative accomadation if you want to leave that house. I know its your place but legally he cannot do anything. If he trashes the place, let him as that will be criminal damage. I know he is the father of your children but that does not give him the right to bully, intimidate or scare you.
If he wants access to the children and you do not want him at the house then you got to arrange supervised visits. If he comes to the house, keep the key in the door lock, sometimes doors cannot be opened when a key is in the door on the other side. If he goes on one, call the police. Dont be scared coz your not wasting police time. The more evidence you have the better your case will be.
Also make a note of all the people you speak to as in womans aid, the police and who ever is dealing with you. Its really important to note all this down and like others have said , keep a note of times he rings, what he says and keep it safe.Have all important documents like birth certifactes, passports, any benefit entitlements in one place as this will come in handy.
My ex only left me alone about 7 months ago. I have been going through this since before I had my son. He would not give up on me and made my life HELL, my poor son saw and heard everything. I stood up to him when he went mad at my son who had just turned 6 and that was the final straw. I put up with the beatings, the threats and the verbal abuse and was sooo terrified of him.
I have always allowed him contact with my son but his rules are he will only see son if i get back with him. That will never happen. I have not been with him for over 6 years. He was last cautioned by the police after being told if he started again he would defianatly go to prison as he got away with all the other stuff before. Twice I dropped the charges and on another occasion the police made a huge mistake so it couldnt go further. He has a well paid job, so if he steps a foot wrong, he will loose everyhting. Dont get me wrong, I am still scared of him as he has drink and drug problem but im not as scared as before. I can stand up to him now which is what i did. I made it clear that he should not call me and if my son wants to talk to him then my son will ring him. My son did ring him a few weeks back and he never answered. I have now told my son that his dad isnt well and when his older he can go and find him. But my son is not interested now as all he has seen from this sperm donor is abuse and violence. He has never been a father figure to my son and my son is now much happier. As a result of everything that happened my son had to see a therapist but now he is getting back to normal.
Me well housing situation isnt great but you know what sweety, I may have deppression but im FREE. I dont have him on my back hounding me, he cant come to my home and make sexual advances, he knows Im scared of him but not as much as I use to be. He cannot bully me nor threaten me. I am now going to go to the csa as my son is nearly 7 and has needs, in all these years he has never supported my son but has done his other kids. My son has rights. I know this will get him angry but he doesnt know where I live nd he has always said if i did go csa, he would kill me and leave the country.Let him, he will only mess his other kidslives. He has a good job with a high wage, he has money for golf holidays, drink and drugs, so he should be able to provide for son. I wil only get £20 a week on top of my benefits but £20 is £20, that would pay for my sons footie training. Now im in control and thats what you have to do. the strength will come in time but just please DONT GIVE UP.
Dont let him try and control you. I wish u lived in london coz I would help u.
Hugs xx

blackeel

Loretta wrote: »

Log every, every time he phones, every time he sends a text, every time he calls round phone the police, 999 every time. First of all there is the harrassment, you have asked him not to contact you and every time he does it is harrassment, you have also been threatened, that is a different offence. Keep on until they realise that you will not go away. On Monday morning if not before either phone or if that is not successful call round at the police station, maybe taking someone with you for support and insist that you see someone higher up who will do the job properly. make a nuisance of yourself

You should not have to live like this and the children shouldn't either.

Are you getting an injunction, is your solicitor doing anything, what do women's aid advise? Someone has to do soemthing to help you. If I lived near you I would help

I hate bullies

He rang this morning after police called..I told him everything, told him if he wanted to see kids he should go through solicitor, and as he saw them last week, this weekend was my weekend...I told him not to bother me again...

Injunction/harassment order should come if he disobeys warning, so i will have to wait and see. I will log everything, but just have to wait and see what happens first. Solicitor believes he can enter house as its half his.

blackeel

Diamond78 wrote: »

I agree with Loretta. Dont give up. xx

Wow...thanks for that Diamond...I certainly wont give up, now police have called...but i think i should just wait and see if anything happens over the weekend,(i'm 99% sure it wont be violent) while logging everything that does happen...and phoning 999 if it gets heavy.

Thanks very much for all the support, and all advice really appreciated and taken in, and acted on.

Diamond78

blackeel wrote: »

He rang this morning after police called..I told him everything, told him if he wanted to see kids he should go through solicitor, and as he saw them last week, this weekend was my weekend...I told him not to bother me again...

Injunction/harassment order should come if he disobeys warning, so i will have to wait and see. I will log everything, but just have to wait and see what happens first. Solicitor believes he can enter house as its half his.

Your solicitor should be helping you obtain an injunction on him to prevent him entering your house. Im sorry to say but your solicitor isnt very good. I have been trhough this route many times. His behaivour should be taken seriously!!!! Yes he does have a right to his house but he doesnt live there no more, does he? There for he should not be allowed to enter when it suits him. He is the one who left and moved in with another woman, he cant just come back to the house he left coz a woman has kicked him out. I would change your locks if i was you. Usually this is done through womans aid or even the police as they did it for me. You really should consider getting a new solicitor.

Diamond78

blackeel wrote: »

Wow...thanks for that Diamond...I certainly wont give up, now police have called...but i think i should just wait and see if anything happens over the weekend,(i'm 99% sure it wont be violent) while logging everything that does happen...and phoning 999 if it gets heavy.

Thanks very much for all the support, and all advice really appreciated and taken in, and acted on.

Thats ok sweety, I hope you will be ok. What did he say to you when you told him everything. he may get a bit scared now and back off. Sometimes when they go quite can be a good thing, sometimes not. You need to know all your options and act on them.x

blackeel

Diamond78 wrote: »

Your solicitor should be helping you obtain an injunction on him to prevent him entering your house. Im sorry to say but your solicitor isnt very good. I have been trhough this route many times. His behaivour should be taken seriously!!!! Yes he does have a right to his house but he doesnt live there no more, does he? There for he should not be allowed to enter when it suits him. He is the one who left and moved in with another woman, he cant just come back to the house he left coz a woman has kicked him out. I would change your locks if i was you. Usually this is done through womans aid or even the police as they did it for me. You really should consider getting a new solicitor.

I agree that my solicitor doesnt seem worried for me...but the police and other organisations have also told me he has the right to live there as its half his(although cant enter my bedroom, or eat my food)...

You are correct, hes lived with other people, had flats of his own...but is now homeless.....Everyone in authority i have spoken to says he has the right to live here, and even take and sell anything that was purchased while we were together...as hes done before...

I hope the police warning just keeps him away.

There are only 2 solicitors in my area that offer legal aid(I think)...I have one...he has(or had) the other.

Diamond78

Hmmm I think you should ask the police if after everything he has done, he is still allowed to live in your house. Legally he may be allowed if he wasnt abusive but you will be at risk and the kids by him being there. Surely they cannot aloow that. God forbid if something happened, how can they justify that. Parts of the law stinks. Seriously give the police a call and ask just so you know for peace of mind. Its his own fault for being homeless. Always remember what goes around comes around sweety.x