Help me please...i feel like giving up

moggylover

I never care too much about what solicitors say about changing locks - I would do it anyway. Possession remains 9/10ths of the law. Plus, he has not been paying the mortgage for the last year or more, and the DSS has a record of this.

Make sure you keep a record of the texts, and as others have said, get in touch with womens aid group and the police and let them know that you are VERY frightened.

However, as someone else pointed out: at the end of the day, it may be that you just have to leave the house and not worry too much about the asset for a while. I know how very hard this can be - have been there - but eventually the house will sell - even if not in as good order as you would hope - and you will get your share of the money from this sale. It took me 4 years - but I eventually got mine.

Take whatever you can with you when you go - and get some of the things you want over to your parents as soon as possible in case it comes to that.

Good luck - and big hugs

andiescottie

Hi blackeel... im sorry to hear what you are going through.

Please do try womens Aid again... none of their volunteers will tell you to move out, what they will say that if you fear for your safety you should consider moving to safe place. However the choice is yours. It is easy for people to say just move out, but you need to be ready to make that decision.

It sounds like you need a decent solicitor though. The texts alone would give enough evidence for a non molestation order. Or you could make a complaint to the police for harrassment. Womens Aid and a decent solicitor will support you through both of these.

Whilst your ex may or may not be a good father, it doesnt stop the fact that he is pyschologically abusing you, and the sexual texts can be described as threatening behaviour. He may not be physically violent towards you at the moment but he is abusing you. It does sound like that no matter what happens with the house issue, that you may need some support.

I understand the psychological abuse that you are experiencing as Im going through a similar situation myself (even though I have been seperated from my husband for 3 and a half years).

I really do hope that things work out for you.

ELIZA_D

how about talking to him about the children ?? it would upset them if he moved back in only for you all to part again?

blackeel

ELIZA_D wrote: »

how about talking to him about the children ?? it would upset them if he moved back in only for you all to part again?

All overnight posts read and taken in, and will contact Womens Aid this morning....

His sole purpose in what he is doing is to hurt me, and stop me getting on in life, he wil not care about mentlly hurting the children...He has never hurt them physically, but has always been and continues to be a useless unsupportive dad, using the eldest as a spy...

Janjel

hope you get to womens aid today - they really helped me.

i really feel for you going through all this, but you will. I got through it by telling my ex i hated him and he made my sklin crawl and the more he did to me made me hate him even more. He soon got message and backed off. The only thing is you have kids which i didn't. but you need to protect yourself and kids from this thug. He is not fit to lick your boots and you deserve better!!!

DB9

Make sure you have your name on the Land Registry deeds, this way if you have to move out he cannot touch your share of the house

blackeel

Unable to speak to anything but an answer machine at Womens aid, and they are ringing back....but i have spoken to injunction people, domestic violence people and the police are coming out to take a statement(hopefully this week..as been down this road before and its very very low priority for them....especially on a Friday night)...

I'd been ignoring calls from him all day, but answered the last one, i told him in no uncertain terms that i wanted nothing to do with him, quoted 15 things off the Domestic Violence site to him, 13 of them he had put me through...When he turned round and said...Ok, i'll stay away and go to my brothers.......

Now what do i do, let the police call and serve him with an injunction which is going to anger him more and might see recriminations....or cancel this and hope he stays away for ever.....No...i think ive got to go through with it, as he apologises often, and changes his mind even more often....I just hope its not just a warning he gets as hes had these before.

busiscoming2

Hi there, I have read the posts and I agree with what Loopy girl said yesterday. Assets are all well and good but your sanity and the well being of you and your children are paramount. I too have been through similar, I left with the kids and got virtually nothing from 'our' house, the legal system let me down. You can start again. You can build another asset and rebuild your life.

Diamond78

Hi,
I dont think you should give up on the injunction. If it angers him that is his problem, by then you will hopefully be some where safe. I have been in your situation and although we had no assets nor did we live together, I had to leave my home with my then baby. I had a council flat at the time. But womens aid helped me. Maybe you could consider going into a safe house for a while, till his been served or after his been served with the injunction. I have had to get an injunction out on my ex on at least 3 occassions. He would never leave me alone. After his final caution from the police, he knew he couldnt pysically hurt me as that would be evidence, so he started with abusive and sexual natured txts...Then the calls started, first it would be all begging me for forgiveness and because you dont want to get them more angry, you feel you have no choice but to be nice to them. But the minute you make it clear nothing will ever happen with them and your not getting back, thats when they switch. He is the coward, you need to stand up for yourself and the kids and say enough is enough. I honestly and truely know how hard it is, but I know you can do it. Contact another police station, see if they have a community safety unit. If you speak to your gp, he may be able to refer you to a womans unit that specially is trained in all aspects of domestic violence. Just because you are not being pysically hit, does not mean his not abusing you. Verba abuse and threats is classed as domestic violence. Womans Aid will help you but you should also ring the police and find out the number for community safety unit as well as tell your gp. Good luck and al the best. Sending you lots of hugs.x

Loretta

I think the regular 'bobby on the beat' hasn't a clue how to deal with this sort of situation. There should be a police domestic violence team in your area, phone and ask to make an appointment with them or for them to come round to you. This needs to be urgently sorted out, you cannot live like this. This team should be able to help, they can 'flag' your house so when you dial 999 they know they have to come immediately. If he comes near you or your home phone every time, every single time. Make a note of every phone call, time, date, content, insist that the police deal with this as a priority. They cannot just choose to deal with the drunks in town on a friday and Saturday night and not bother with you.

You have children and although you sound almost casual about what he does, I am not having a go, you have got used to this awful way of life and his behaviour but the rest of us I am sure are horrified by your predicament and of course because your solicitor talks such nonsense and the police have not helped you are feeling that you are making a fuss. You are not. This situation is unbearable and completely unacceptable

Speak to the police domestic violence team and insist they help NOW not next week and speak to women's aid and ask what practical steps you can take NOW, todya, to keep safe over the weekend, you can get an injunction to keep him away within hours, don't let anyone fob you off any more. You must be terrified.

Don't worry about the children, of course they would like their Dad back living in the house but you are the adult here, the only adult by the sound of it, and you know what is best for them and a man, with his violence, threats, drugs and prostitutes and who behaves like this is not best for them so don't be swayed. You have looked after them on your own so continue to do so
' As you say he is just doing this to get at you, you know he has no intention of trying to give the relationship a go, build bridges with the children and support his family, he is a nsty person trying to upset everyone including the children

Don't feel guilty about anything and insist that you get the help you need and are entitled to imediately, lots of phone calls to the police if he comes near you