Pregnant Homeless 17 year old

Paparika

OP I'd leave well alone. the pregnant teenager is obviously right and everyone else is of course wrong.

We've all been there, thought that we were all right and the rest of the world was wrong at some point in our lives and have had to live with the consequences,

Although i would say that she is (the pg teen) an immature child that wants attention why else would she keep running back to the boyfriend.

Only the teen can deal with this, sounds like everyone has bent over backwards to help her, and her only contribution was she couldn;t keep her knickers on silly girl.

Yet i should imagine she will expect everyone to help her with the baby, and when she wants to go pubbing and clubbing she'll demand babysitters, and probably baby no 2 will happen.

If she whines about having no life then tough, she chose her path, she can deal with it, perhaps spending a night on the streets with the down and outs may open her eyes, i think that is the only way she will learn.

Zoetoes

We can't just assume she will expect the family to look after the baby so she can go 'pubbing and clubbing', just because she is 17.

Seeing as she's sleeping on someone's couch I think she's got the message that she will have to get on with bringing the baby up herself, she's probably hoping her boyfriend will be a part of it too, which is why she keeps going to him.

Redkite

She, or grandmother or whoever is trying to help her, could try the charity 'Life'. They mainly deal with teenage mums and can help with housing, furniture, equipment, baby clothes etc.

Paparika

zoeleigh wrote: »

We can't just assume she will expect the family to look after the baby so she can go 'pubbing and clubbing', just because she is 17.

Seeing as she's sleeping on someone's couch I think she's got the message that she will have to get on with bringing the baby up herself, she's probably hoping her boyfriend will be a part of it too, which is why she keeps going to him.

Yes but the family members that have tried to help her, getting her appointments with housing etc, she couldn't be bothered to go

MrsTinks

OP I think you already know that unless she wants help there is nothing that can be done until baby arrives and frankly she finds out just how hard having a baby when you're that young is. I'm still scared stiff of the responcibility that will fingers crossed arrive next may and this is planned!
Either she will see sense when bubba arrives or she won't. If she doesn't then should you suspect the baby is neglected you need to report it. Until then she's already shown what she thinks of people helping her and nothing you do will get through to her.
Yes I think this bloke is incredibly bad for her - absolutely! But no matter how bad he beats her she will probably go back... I've had my sofa taken over by beaten girlfriends numerous times when I had a tiny little studio flat and both of them went back to their boyfriends and would eventually end up back on my doorstep with a black eye and bloody lip again. It's heartbreaking but I gave up trying to make them see sense because they don't WANT to. They want to believe they can change them and things will change and get better. It's easy as an outsider to say "leave him"... I can't begin to understand why they stay or go back... well I can... my ex was very mentally controlling and I thought my world had ended when he dumped me... anyway different story...
Unless he beats the living daylights out of her I doubt very much she'll leave him - and even then it's not certain - she has to make her own choices now and you and the rest of her family have to let her. You all have to stop putting her up when she has flits away from her boyfriend and make sure she realises that she's grown up now - that has consequenses...

Oldernotwiser

mrsconfused wrote: »

Well we do know about using the protection issue. When she started seeing him her mother took her to the GP who gave her supplies of the piull. However she kept forgetting to take them so her mother suggested the depo jab instead. She went to the GPs, got a prescription for the injection and was told to come back within the first 5 days after her period started. However she decided to go away with bloke and turned up at Drs on day 6- they wouldnt do the injection then said she had to wait till the following month. By the end of that month she was pregnant. Told her mother that they had meant to use condoms but hadnt got around to getting some and when asked why she didnt then get the MAP wsaas told that she didnt get round to it:rolleyes:

As for support- everyone has been trying to support her but she just doesnt seem to want to take anyones advice. Since she starting seeing this bloke she constantly lies to everyone ( telling each person a different story) has become bone idle ( even before she was pg) and doesnt seem to want to actually help herself at all.

Her grandmother took to the the housing dept and also to connexions for advice. When asked basic questions by the connexions advisor she told them to F*** Off and mind your own business before stomping out.

Before she got together with bloke she was a normal, rather scatty 16 year old, chatting with girlfriends, doing each others makeiup miusic too loud etc- over the last 10 months she has changed completely

.

Do you think that there might be drugs involved in all this, accounting for many changesthat you mention?

Penny-Pincher!!

As she is under 18, she is still counted as minor and should be in the care of Social Services anway. This maybe of benefit to her and will get her into the system to possibly be re-housed in the future. I would assume she would need to go into a hostel or something similar first.

PP
xx

lynzpower

I used to work in a Hospital, in Social services. I predominantly worked with young women like your niece.

From a social services perspective, your neice is tremendously vulerable and the unborn baby is exposed to risk, given lack of antenatal care, lack of mums ability to "get it together" and be resourceful and engage with people rying to help, homelessness, few support networks, potential depression/ drug issues, violent relationship with father, and sleeping on a couch. this is worrying so |I can see why you are concerned.

I would do everything you can to find a way ( do you live local?) to get her to ante natal care pronto. Then social workers can be reuested through the hospital or to be honest, they should spot her anyway. I think if she had come into our hospital under these circumstances, we would have had to make soe very tough decisions.

Its so vital she finds someone she can engage with and talk to x

She does sound like she is in great need, and I remember vivildy a couple of other young mums I worked with in similar circumstances and it is remarkable how some of them can turn it around. However, she will need a great deal of support but she HAS to be made to realise that dad is a tremendous risk to both of them.

Fran

mrsconfused wrote: »

...... Her mother .......told her to either register at college ( even on a short course) or get a job or leave- the girl chose to leave and go to the boyfriends.

It sounds as though her mother hasn't handled this well if she chucked her out which meant she went to seek security with her boyfriend.

she is currently sleeping on her grandmothers sofa ( in a one bed flat)- 50 miles from her hometown. She has no money and the grandmother is on benefits so cant really afford to keep her there long term whilst she is contributing nothing

She trusts her grandmother who has now become the most important in this. The pregnant 17 yr. old can claim Income Support .

sixteen and seventeen year olds are subject to special rules and are paid at special rates. A payment can also be made to a sixteen or seventeen year old where this will prevent severe hardship.

From what you have written, her mother told her to leave just at the point she really needed her support most. Perhaps she (mother) could approach this in a more sensitive and non-judgemental way? What about friends, can they help encourage her to come home? Being pregnant is scary enough the first time at any age and she really does need empathy not chastising.

mrsconfused_2

Fran wrote: »

It sounds as though her mother hasn't handled this well if she chucked her out which meant she went to seek security with her boyfriend.

She trusts her grandmother who has now become the most important in this. The pregnant 17 yr. old can claim Income Support .



From what you have written, her mother told her to leave just at the point she really needed her support most. Perhaps she (mother) could approach this in a more sensitive and non-judgemental way? What about friends, can they help encourage her to come home? Being pregnant is scary enough the first time at any age and she really does need empathy not chastising.

If you read my post correctly her mother gave her a CHOICE. She could've just as easily taken on a college course or a job- this was even happening BEFORE she was pregnant, she was spending all her time lying round the house making long telephone calls, doing nothing productive etc. This had been going on for over 7 months. My sister would return from work many days to find the house in a terrible state and food everywhere where my niece didnt even clear up after herself

TBH my sister was also finding it difficult financially keeping her there, she received no child benefit or tax credits for her- nor maintanence from her Dad- yet my niece was running up £50+ phone bills a month, constantly wanting money etc- and wasnt even civil to her mother most of the time. Added to this she was causing constant disruption in the house, destroying her family's belonging every time she got into a huff- usually her sisters as they shared a bedroom.

So after putting up with that behaviour for months- and she had tried to speak to her, encourage her to do something more productive, taken her to college interviews etc- it was THEN she was given the choice

Oh and physically there is no room at the house for her to keep a baby there- unless anyone would expect her sister- who is just started doing GCSEs to have to share a room with both her older sister AND a baby

As for friends- many have them have drifted away now due to the bloke and the fact they they are all in school/college doing stuff and planning where they are going to uni - not having babies. She has chosen to do this which will make her a social outcast with her peers. I know her sister is so ashamed that she will not even mention it

So beofre you go bleating about what her mother should do just think how long you would be prepared to have someone taking the mickey longterm before losing patience