Pregnant Homeless 17 year old

Zoetoes

I appreciate your sister's position, I understand she must have been at the end of her tether.

mrsconfused wrote: »

She has chosen to do this which will make her a social outcast with her peers. I know her sister is so ashamed that she will not even mention it

If your niece is being made to feel a 'social outcast' and as though she's brought shame on the family etc then it's no wonder she's not facing up to anything.

I understand and appreciate everything you've said, I really do, but the 'you've ruined your life' attitude would be better being replaced with 'you can manage, you just need to get yourself together'.

flowerscotland

I agree with the other posters here when they say your niece needs the support of her mum here, I would support my daughters no matter what, I appreciate your niece doesnt have a job, but its up to the mother to then guide her and she her whats right and wrong in life.

I got chucked out of the house when I was 17, and had to grow up so quick.

I would be worried sick about my daughter if she was pregnant and sleeping on someone elses couch, no matter how crushed or overcrowded the house may be, I would want her with me, until she got offered a half decent place of her own, and if that took years, then so be it.

I appreciate her behaviour hasnt been all plain sailing, but thats what happens with teenagers, and again its up to the parents, or the mother to guide the daughter here, tell her whats unacceptable, whats not, theres no way on earth I would ever tell someone to ^%$£ off while in a meeting with my mum sitting next to me :eek: I am 27 and she would still kill me !!!

This girl needs support, and from what you have said doesnt have any from her boyfriend or mother. I feel for her I really do.

flowerscotland

mrsconfused wrote: »

TBH my sister was also finding it difficult financially keeping her there, she received no child benefit or tax credits for her- nor maintanence from her Dad- yet my niece was running up £50+ phone bills a month, constantly wanting money etc- and wasnt even civil to her mother most of the time.

Oh and physically there is no room at the house for her to keep a baby there- unless anyone would expect her sister- who is just started doing GCSEs to have to share a room with both her older sister AND a baby

this makes me really sad and i thought it was a parents job to provide for a child.

Fran

mrsconfused wrote: »

Oh and physically there is no room at the house for her to keep a baby ...

As for friends- many have them have drifted away now due to the bloke and the fact they they are all in school/college doing stuff and planning where they are going to uni - not having babies. She has chosen to do this which will make her a social outcast with her peers. I know her sister is so ashamed that she will not even mention it

So beofre you go bleating about what her mother should do just think how long you would be prepared to have someone taking the mickey longterm before losing patience

I have teenage children and know how difficult this can be and understand the financial hardship of her mother too. My daughter was pregnant at 17, she had full support of family on my side and on the baby's father's side (is anyone in touch with the lad's parents?). She also had full support of her friends, though she only told one or two of them to start with. Once she had the baby it was a joyous thing with everyone supporting the new family. Because of the positive attitude of those around her she sorted out her own flat with boyfriend, they are both working and she has plenty of visits and babysitting from friends and family.

Her peer group and sister are important in this. At the age of seventeen her main friends will be in her home town. Where has her sister got the attitude of being ashamed from? If the pg girl is to be persuaded to return home where she will get most support then everyone has to look forward, she won't want to return if she thinks she will be told off or that everyone is ashamed.

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Do you think that there might be drugs involved in all this, accounting for many changesthat you mention?

This occurred to me too, or drink or both. She really does need to know that her family and friends are there to support her because the relationship with the boyfriend clearly won't last, surely there's one or two friends from a year ago that could help out here?

mrsconfused wrote: »

Before she got together with bloke she was a normal, rather scatty 16 year old, chatting with girlfriends, doing each others makeiup miusic too loud etc- over the last 10 months she has changed completely

I'm not having a go at you as you obviously care or you wouldn't be looking on here for advice. The violent boyfriend is of huge concern and everyone possible should be making it clear to her that they care and will support her in her home town.

DCFC79

Sounds like the girls needs a good talking to, needs to get her act together, why keep on going back to the bf if hes hit her previous,

mrsconfused_2

Fran wrote: »

I have teenage children and know how difficult this can be and understand the financial hardship of her mother too. My daughter was pregnant at 17, she had full support of family on my side and on the baby's father's side (is anyone in touch with the lad's parents?). She also had full support of her friends, though she only told one or two of them to start with. Once she had the baby it was a joyous thing with everyone supporting the new family. Because of the positive attitude of those around her she sorted out her own flat with boyfriend, they are both working and she has plenty of visits and babysitting from friends and family.

The "lad" as you call him ( he is 24) is living with his father after he quit the job he had ( wasnt there long) and couldnt afford the rent on his bedsit. The father has been present in the house when he has hit her and blamed her for being hysterical

Her peer group and sister are important in this. At the age of seventeen her main friends will be in her home town. Where has her sister got the attitude of being ashamed from? If the pg girl is to be persuaded to return home where she will get most support then everyone has to look forward, she won't want to return if she thinks she will be told off or that everyone is ashamed.

As I stated before- she has lost touch with most of her friends. They are all doing stuff like A2s and choosing uni- therefore a pregnant girl doesnt fit in with that life. Her (14 year old)sister doesnt want people to think that she might be the same- its very rare that 17 year old have babies in this town- most first time parents are in their 30s. Obviously some do get pregnant but tend not to continue with the pregnancy


This occurred to me too, or drink or both. She really does need to know that her family and friends are there to support her because the relationship with the boyfriend clearly won't last, surely there's one or two friends from a year ago that could help out here?





I'm not having a go at you as you obviously care or you wouldn't be looking on here for advice. The violent boyfriend is of huge concern and everyone possible should be making it clear to her that they care and will support her in her home town.

The likelihood of her actually getting anywhere to live in her home town is remote. The council have a hostel place for teen mums which has supported living- which was where they were trying to refer her from the homeless dept in the next town- that was the appt she didnt turn up to

Fran

The "lad" as you call him ( he is 24) is living with his father after he quit the job he had ( wasnt there long) and couldnt afford the rent on his bedsit. The father has been present in the house when he has hit her and blamed her for being hysterical

its very rare that 17 year old have babies in this town- most first time parents are in their 30s

mrsconfused wrote: »

The likelihood of her actually getting anywhere to live in her home town is remote. The council have a hostel place for teen mums which has supported living- which was where they were trying to refer her from the homeless dept in the next town- that was the appt she didnt turn up to

The more you tell us the worse it gets, the lad's father sounds like bad news too, she has stigma in her home town and is surrounded by people that are primarily ashamed of her pregnancy and "don't do babies".

Has anyone spoken to her about drink/drugs (as this is a possibility) and the effect on her baby? (Instead of adoption/we are ashamed of you etc.)

It still seems to me like her family and friends have to have some foresight in this and will have to deal with prejudices themselves in order to help her.

I still think the way forward is to get a friend or two on board as well, surely they have not all been shallow acquaintances? She must need someone to talk to with the violent boyfriend and his father. Does she confide in her grandmother?

shrouded_1

Poor, poor baby. What a life this unborn child is going to have. When will these silly biatches stop getting pregnant while in totally unsuitable relationships?

alwaysskint96

flowerscotland wrote: »

this makes me really sad and i thought it was a parents job to provide for a child.

People do not have unlimited money. My 14 year old costs me a small fortune- if I was relying on tax credits etc as income and they were stopped then I'd find it very difficult to cope

And if someone is having a baby then they should behaave like an adult and contribute to the household. Or are people not meant to just financially support theior own kids but grandkids as well

alwaysskint96

Fran wrote: »

The more you tell us the worse it gets, the lad's father sounds like bad news too, she has stigma in her home town and is surrounded by people that are primarily ashamed of her pregnancy and "don't do babies".

Has anyone spoken to her about drink/drugs (as this is a possibility) and the effect on her baby? (Instead of adoption/we are ashamed of you etc.)

It still seems to me like her family and friends have to have some foresight in this and will have to deal with prejudices themselves in order to help her.

?

IS there any good that comes out of uneducated teenagers getting up the duff? Is it good for a child to grow up in a grotty flat in some dire area living with a mother who is very young and without much earning power and a father who is either absent or violent. I really cant see how such a child wouldnt have a better life being adopted