Pregnant Homeless 17 year old

DCFC79

shrouded_1 wrote: »

Poor, poor baby. What a life this unborn child is going to have. When will these silly biatches stop getting pregnant while in totally unsuitable relationships?

cant see anything happening soon,

DCFC79

alwaysskint96 wrote: »

People do not have unlimited money. My 14 year old costs me a small fortune- if I was relying on tax credits etc as income and they were stopped then I'd find it very difficult to cope

And if someone is having a baby then they should behaave like an adult and contribute to the household. Or are people not meant to just financially support theior own kids but grandkids as well

if you cant suitably provide for your kids then imo you shouldnt have kids

alwaysskint96

DCFC79 wrote: »

if you cant suitably provide for your kids then imo you shouldnt have kids

Provide for your kids- yes. Provide for a SO CAllled adult with a child of their own- no.

Or should I expect my parents to be paying my expenses still- despite being nearly 40?

Savvy_Sue

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Moving on:

mrsconfused wrote: »

The likelihood of her actually getting anywhere to live in her home town is remote. The council have a hostel place for teen mums which has supported living- which was where they were trying to refer her from the homeless dept in the next town- that was the appt she didnt turn up to

Well, another appointment can be made. She's not the first, and she won't be the last, not to keep an important appointment at the housing office ...

And that won't be a permanent solution: they will do move-on work with her, with a view to mum and baby getting their own tenancy in due course. Plus she'll have a ready-made peer support network of young women in the same situation as herself.

Unless she can demonstrate a 'strong local connection' to the town she's staying in with grandma, the council are quite right to refer her back 'home'. A 'strong local connection' would include being able to demonstrate that she would get significantly more emotional and practical support from family / friends where she is currently.

What lynzpower said earlier is probably your best starting point: your niece needs antenatal care above everything else. Hopefully that will trigger involvement from other professionals. It may be a while before she believes what she's being told, but sometimes we hear it best from non-family members.

skintchick

I started reading this feeling quite judgemental but now I feel very sorry for the girl as she clearly feels that no-one cares for her. I understand her mum was at the end of her tether but some of that seems to be tied in with the fact that all the mum's friend's have children who are off to college and planning for uni, while her daughter is Pg.

Well, we can;t always have what we want! My parents weren;t happy that I didn;t go to uni but they didn;t chuck me out. OK I wasn;t PG but I WAS a nightmare teen.

The mum and sister need to support this girl. She is young, scared, PG and brokenhearted over the scummy bf. SHE loves him or thinks she does and if no-one else wants her, as has been said, she will turn to him and he is clearly bad news.

She needs to move back home, mum and sister need to openly and publicy support her, get her booked with a midwife and stop talking adoption. MAKE HER FEEL LOVED AND WANTED.

That's all anyone really wants in this world and the more she is rejected the more she will cling onto the baby as her hope of love.

If she is at home then she can get benefits when the baby is born. And yes her attitude stinks but she is striking out as she feels so rejected and so she is retaliating as a defence - it's common to all of us especially teens.

I really think her mum needs to change HER attitude, sort the younger sister out as well, and give this girl teh love and support she needs.

All she has really done is be messy and difficult (typical teen) and get PG by a violent man. Is that a crime?

mrsconfused_2

skintchick wrote: »

I started reading this feeling quite judgemental but now I feel very sorry for the girl as she clearly feels that no-one cares for her. I understand her mum was at the end of her tether but some of that seems to be tied in with the fact that all the mum's friend's have children who are off to college and planning for uni, while her daughter is Pg.

Well, we can;t always have what we want! My parents weren;t happy that I didn;t go to uni but they didn;t chuck me out. OK I wasn;t PG but I WAS a nightmare teen.

The mum and sister need to support this girl. She is young, scared, PG and brokenhearted over the scummy bf. SHE loves him or thinks she does and if no-one else wants her, as has been said, she will turn to him and he is clearly bad news.

She needs to move back home, mum and sister need to openly and publicy support her, get her booked with a midwife and stop talking adoption. MAKE HER FEEL LOVED AND WANTED.

That's all anyone really wants in this world and the more she is rejected the more she will cling onto the baby as her hope of love.

If she is at home then she can get benefits when the baby is born. And yes her attitude stinks but she is striking out as she feels so rejected and so she is retaliating as a defence - it's common to all of us especially teens.

I really think her mum needs to change HER attitude, sort the younger sister out as well, and give this girl teh love and support she needs.

All she has really done is be messy and difficult (typical teen) and get PG by a violent man. Is that a crime?

Oh for heavens sake- dont people READ the posts on here. The Mum DID NOT chuck her out- she CHOSE to leave- rather than attend college or get work

Her mother has also tried to help her sort out housing, got her back from the boyfriends 300 miles away TWICE. And never mind the benefits- WHERE do you expect the baby to sleep???? The 2 sisters were sharing a room- which has bunk beds as there was no room for 2 singles in there, the parents ( mother and stepfather) have the other room shared with a 5 year old sibling

And why is it just up to the mother to support her? What about her father? Shouldnt he be expected to as well?

\And she had the attitude BEFORE she was pregnant- so that is no excuse

skintchick

So what do you want us to say then?

The mum's right, the girl should be left to rot, walk away from her she's clearly a waste of space???

Don;t ask for advice if you don;t want it!

Yes mum gave her a choice - what I'm saying is it wasn;t much of a choice. Maybe the girl wouldn;t want to go to college even if not PG. Maybe that is HER decision not her mum's.

You haven;t mentioned the dad so we didn;t even know he was alive!

The WHOLE FAMILY should support her. Is there a dining room that can be converted? Could mum and younger girl have one room and the PG girl and baby have the other?

There are ALWAYS ways round things - even sofa beds. But you have to have the will to want to do them.

THe attitude is just typical teenager - nothing to do with being PG.

This is not about sorting housing for her - yes she will need practical help but what she needs most is EMOTIONAL SUPPORT and to FEEL LOVED.

Right now, she feels no-one loves her and her mum and the rest of the family should be ashamed of themselves for that.

She's your niece - have YOU spoken to her? Can YOU give her a room?

lynzpower

mrsconfused wrote: »

Oh for heavens sake- dont people READ the posts on here. The Mum DID NOT chuck her out- she CHOSE to leave- rather than attend college or get work

Her mother has also tried to help her sort out housing, got her back from the boyfriends 300 miles away TWICE. And never mind the benefits- WHERE do you expect the baby to sleep???? The 2 sisters were sharing a room- which has bunk beds as there was no room for 2 singles in there, the parents ( mother and stepfather) have the other room shared with a 5 year old sibling

And why is it just up to the mother to support her? What about her father? Shouldnt he be expected to as well?

\And she had the attitude BEFORE she was pregnant- so that is no excuse

In one of the cases I worked with an aunt took in the teenage girl.

They were very overcrowded already, but they gave up thier dining room, put a curtain accross, put a bed & cot in there, hey presto.

I understand how frustrating this is, but you have to look at the girl as someone who has limited choices.She is a child effectively, with no skills yet as to how to care for herself.

If she had gone like her peers to university ( it sounds like a similar family to one I grew up in , in a well heeled area, with a high aspiration group of young people) then I would expect most "uni parents" to help with finding young person somewhere to live, paying towars it on some level , providing set up packs ( pots and pans/ stash of food) and advice and guidance from here on in. My parents didnt stop supporting me financially at uni, even though they didnt have a lot themselves, but the odd food parcel, 20 quid here and then when desperate. Indeed my parents were always on the end of the phone checking that I was OK, and worrying when I wasnt.

Right now the girls mum probably doesnt know what to do for the best, but in doing so has given up trying. Does your sis/ SIL not want to have a relationship with the grandchild? Does she worry that the child will end up in the care system. I will be brutal and tell you from the inside that adoption is a very last resort in care proceedings and in my experience children are usually at school by the time they go forward for adoption . So this child could be 4 or 5 before they find a permanent home. It also worth mentioning that the whole family will be expected to be assessed as a potential carer for this baby.

from the wording of what we have been told about the girl, she probably has hasd no real thoughts of how she will cope with her child, or has even sunk in that this child exists. Young people have no experience of the gravity of parenting and can disassociate being pregnant with being a parent. Counselling is needed to help that young person accept the position that they are in and work out what to do next.

I agree that this young person is clinging to the idea of the BF sorting it all out and poor lamb must be desperate for him to come forward and look after them both. Its my view from experience that some young people will reject offers of accomodation for example, as they can feel "theres no point" as bf or another will come forward to save the day, or that in taking that accom, they will be seen by the BF as less "desperate" and therefore not needed. It sounds like this girl cant understand why no one is helping her and is acting out her anger and frustration, as she is crying out to be looked after.

You havent said how you feel you could help? Can you get her to ante natal? Ca you help her find somewhere to live? Can she come and stay with you, even for a few weeks. Your concern is evident, but maybe she feels "well mrs confused said shes bothered but what is SHE doig to help"

Its very easy for us as adults to see that "she is not helping herself" and throw the baby out with the bathwater, but its my view that her behaviour IS CRYING FOR HELP, so the help must be delivered to her in a way that she can understand and engage with.

alwaysskint96

skintchick wrote: »

So what do you want us to say then?

The mum's right, the girl should be left to rot, walk away from her she's clearly a waste of space???



Don;t ask for advice if you don;t want it!

Yes mum gave her a choice - what I'm saying is it wasn;t much of a choice. Maybe the girl wouldn;t want to go to college even if not PG. Maybe that is HER decision not her mum's.

Sounds a pretty reasonable choice to me- college, work etc with doing nothing not an option. I could choose not to work etc- bet I wouldnt be housed and fed for free though. Life isnt a doss

You haven;t mentioned the dad so we didn;t even know he was alive!

The WHOLE FAMILY should support her. Is there a dining room that can be converted? Could mum and younger girl have one room and the PG girl and baby have the other?

Didnt the last post already say that the parents were sharing with another sibling- so hey why not bung a teenager into the bedroom making 4 in one room so this girl and her baby can have a room to themselves??? Surely if there was extra room one of the younger children would be using it rather than sharing with parents or sister

There are ALWAYS ways round things - even sofa beds. But you have to have the will to want to do them.

THe attitude is just typical teenager - nothing to do with being PG.

This is not about sorting housing for her - yes she will need practical help but what she needs most is EMOTIONAL SUPPORT and to FEEL LOVED.

Right now, she feels no-one loves her and her mum and the rest of the family should be ashamed of themselves for that.

She's your niece - have YOU spoken to her? Can YOU give her a room?

I really cant believe that you expect the rest of a family to suffer because one teenager in it makes dodgy choices

I cant imagine my 14 year old sharing a bedroom with me- that wouldnt be fair on any of us - yet you seem to think its OK for a 13 year old to do as her sister got herself pregnant. What sort of message does thatr give? Oh well you will have to lose your own room, privacy etc and so will se (parents) but your sister now gets the room to herself with her baby,

Edinburghlass_2

alwaysskint96 wrote: »

I really cant believe that you expect the rest of a family to suffer because one teenager in it makes dodgy choices

I cant imagine my 14 year old sharing a bedroom with me- that wouldnt be fair on any of us - yet you seem to think its OK for a 13 year old to do as her sister got herself pregnant. What sort of message does thatr give? Oh well you will have to lose your own room, privacy etc and so will se (parents) but your sister now gets the room to herself with her baby,

So what would you (and the OP) suggest happens? Have the girl and the future grandchild taken into care and never see them again?