Pregnant Homeless 17 year old

Cerisa

ah, sorry Rosie Lee

Cerisa

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?articleId=127

you might find this article helpful. Also funding...
http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/socialcare/housing/

pinkshoes

Perhaps it needs to be approached from a different angle, and sit down on neutral territory and discuss all the options with her. Just her mum and her. Her mum should explain that she loves her, and wants to support her, and they need to decide what they (she) want(s) to do:

1) Keep the baby and live with boyfriend and his dad. Point out that given his violence, can she guarantee that the baby won't be subjected to any violence? Point out that it may have only bruised her, but would kill a child, and if social services found out that he was violent, the child would be taken away.

2) She gets a social house at home. Yes, it may be on a rough estate, but she can come round and have meals with you, you'll make sure it's secure, and you'll be visiting on a regular basis to help. Point out that as much as they'd like to have her home, it's unfair on her 14 year old sister to have to share a room with a baby whilst studying. Point out you'll help her sort out which benefits she can claim etc... and help her get a job or training, or whatever she'd like to do with her life. This way she won't have to stay in the rough area for long, and could soon earn enough to move somewhere nicer.

3) Adoption. This will need approaching from a different angle. If you know of anyone who wants to but can't have children, you'll know how devestating it is. Point out to her how lucky she is to be able to conceive and carry a baby, and that some people will never be able to experience such an amazing thing. You need to make it sound like giving a child up for adoption is the most selfess and marvelous thing one could ever do, and not a sign of weakness because you can't cope.

Fran

pinkshoes wrote: »

1) Keep the baby and live with boyfriend and his dad.

No this should not be an option! Instead say living with an abusive person is not an option and show her the Women's Aid information- Exploding the myths, not forgetting to include their info

"It isn’t that serious"

Every week, two women are killed by their partner or ex-partner.

.

2) She gets a social house at home. Yes, it may be on a rough estate

She can also get private rented housing, especially with the current situation rents are coming down in some areas. She could still keep her name on social housing waiting lists through the council and Housing Associations.

3) Adoption. ..... Point out to her how lucky she is to be able to conceive and carry a baby, and that some people will never be able to experience such an amazing thing.

She won't be feeling lucky at all at the moment and is probably scared about the pregnancy itself as much as anything. This won't work!

rosie-lee

pinkshoes wrote: »

You need to make it sound like giving a child up for adoption is the most selfess and marvelous thing one could ever do, and not a sign of weakness because you can't cope.

I think it is...

Savvy_Sue

As I said before

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

GOING OFF-TOPIC

Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: While it’s easy to wander off-topic that often prevents newbies finding the information they want quickly and easily (please see this rule). Please keep this thread on topic. If you’d like to discuss non-MoneySaving related topics please continue your discussion in The MoneySavers Arms or Discussion Time. If you have any questions about this policy please email abuse@moneysavingexpert.com.

The pros and cons of adoption and abortion, the impossible attitude of teenagers, and what we'd like to do to men who don't step up to their responsibilities as fathers are best discussed elsewhere.

pinkshoes

Fran wrote: »

No this should not be an option! Instead say living with an abusive person is not an option and show her the Women's Aid information- Exploding the myths, not forgetting to include their info .

This is a 17 year old girl we're talking about here. If you waltz in and lay down the law telling her what she can and can't do, she'll no doubt rebel! By all means she should be told the effects of an abusive partner, but at the end of the day, she still needs to make the decision on her own, and rule it out because she wants to, not because she's being told to.

Fran wrote: »

She won't be feeling lucky at all at the moment and is probably scared about the pregnancy itself as much as anything. This won't work!

Unless you're the girl herself, you can't know that. Anything is worth a try if it will help her.

Edinburghlass_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

Unless you're the girl herself, you can't know that. Anything is worth a try if it will help her.

If you read back on Fran's posts you'll find that indeed she has been in this position with a 17 year old pregnant daughter herself.

However the OP has stated that her sister doesn't want to "play at being granny"

Mikef

Well, I don’t really post on the forum very often and I haven’t read all the things that people have had to say about the young lady involved but to be perfectly honest im disgusted with the narrow minded judgmental views that some of the people on here have posted. I was 18 when my girlfriend gave me the news of her pregnancy and she was 17, I understand perfectly what its like to have your decisions made for you, choices taken out of your hands, presumptions made about you, people looking down at you as if your worthless. Some of you on here should be ashamed! How dare you pretend to understand what she’s going through at the moment and ridicule her as if she’s worthless trash.

That’s just my two peneth

Oh, and were just fine thanks, 27 now, four bed detached house in a nice area and everything is rosy but we too had nowhere to live at 18/17, moving from my mums to her mums with the baby while I worked to bring in under ten thousand pounds a year and support her through college and university.

This girl has no one, ok she has parents and family who feel they know what’s best for her and want to help but my dad said something to me when I was going through what this lady is going through. He said son, Learn from my mistakes. I replied, thanks for the offer dad but I’ll learn from my own!

All I can say is she probably wants her independence but is finding it difficult to find that at the moment because lets face it, if you lot on here who are a little older seem to know what’s best for her and all that jazz then how do you think she’s feeling hearing it every day from everyone she meets!

I dunno really but I just feel for her and others in her situation having been through it myself, a place to live. She can come and have our spare bedroom!

Oldernotwiser

Mikef wrote: »

Well, I don’t really post on the forum very often and I haven’t read all the things that people have had to say about the young lady involved but to be perfectly honest im disgusted with the narrow minded judgmental views that some of the people on here have posted. I was 18 when my girlfriend gave me the news of her pregnancy and she was 17, I understand perfectly what its like to have your decisions made for you, choices taken out of your hands, presumptions made about you, people looking down at you as if your worthless. Some of you on here should be ashamed! How dare you pretend to understand what she’s going through at the moment and ridicule her as if she’s worthless trash.

That’s just my two peneth

Oh, and were just fine thanks, 27 now, four bed detached house in a nice area and everything is rosy but we too had nowhere to live at 18/17, moving from my mums to her mums with the baby while I worked to bring in under ten thousand pounds a year and support her through college and university.

This girl has no one, ok she has parents and family who feel they know what’s best for her and want to help but my dad said something to me when I was going through what this lady is going through. He said son, Learn from my mistakes. I replied, thanks for the offer dad but I’ll learn from my own!

All I can say is she probably wants her independence but is finding it difficult to find that at the moment because lets face it, if you lot on here who are a little older seem to know what’s best for her and all that jazz then how do you think she’s feeling hearing it every day from everyone she meets!

I dunno really but I just feel for her and others in her situation having been through it myself, a place to live. She can come and have our spare bedroom!

I think that you might find that many people on here have experience of living with abusive partners which will be outside your experience ( I hope!). Encouraging someone of 17 to rely on a man who is violent towards her would, in my book, be criminally irresponsible, both to the girl and her unborn child.

Congratulations on having made a go of things with your family but you need to be aware that your experience is the exception and smugness is as unattractive as being judgemental.