Please help me

ih8stress

hippychick1 wrote: »

I really appreciate all the support on here, it makes me feel like I am not doing the 'wrong' thing by taking the kids away from him. THANK YOU!!! :beer:

You haven't done anything 'wrong' Hippychick. You have simply removed the kids and yourself from a bad situation. As long as your children are able to see their dad (and vice versa) and their relationship remains constant wherever possible, they will cope with the changes.
Perhaps in time you will be able to have a good talk with your husband and make arrangements for regular contact that suits you all.

Good luck, and keep us posted with regular updates.

Pssst

Just a thought but...how come we never see threads that start..."please help me-i really need to leave my wife"

Mely

Hippychick i am sooooo proud of you!!!! You have done the right ,and please dont feel guilty about taking the children away from him. Believe me the damage done to children who grow up with parents who shouldnt be together lasts a lifetime - i know! By leaving him you have done your best for you and your children...never forget that.
All the best for your happy new life ((((hugs))))

badboybill

Hippychick,

The greatest joy is watching your children grow-up. You only get one chance. It seems that your husband didn't have that same value to your children as you. Although in-time he may come to realise this.

You must tell him that to be a parent you put your life on-hold until its time to let them go on their own.

Well Done

Bill

hippychick1

Thanks badboybill.
This is exactly how I feel. My children are my life, with my husband however, he always comes first and everyone else second. I feel he may start to appreciate them more now he will only have limited time with them.

I am still sure I am doing the right thing, but last night I cried solid for an hour. I miss my husband, and regret that things have come to this. I know there is no going back, as he just isn't prepared to invest time in family life. I feel really sad for him, and wonder how I will cope on my own

I feel really up and down. Is this normal?!? One minute I'm so excited about my new life, the next minute I wish everything could be back to normal!

Witsend_2

Hang in there hippychick as my sister said to me it is always sad when things come to an end especially after all those years as at times you will remember the good things and will have happy memories. It is quite normal to be up and down and you will feel this way for quite some time, just make sure you eat something each day to keep strong and try and achieve 1 possitive step each day. Do something nice with the children this weekend and start to make happy memories now with just the 3 of you that you can look back on
and smile.
Keep strong and find comfort in your friends and family love and hugs x

ih8stress

Witsend is right. Your rollercoaster emotions are perfectly normal (it would be abnormal if you DIDN'T have them!).

It is basically the same process as going through a bereavement - you are in effect mourning a past life and of course there are bound to be happy memories mixed in with the sad.

Unfortunately there is no 'quick fix'. All you can do is plod on through it all and as Witsend says look after yourself and your children and try and put as much positivity into each day. Of course there will be 'off days' but I'm sure you will be strong enough to deal with these - you have after all made the biggest step and survived!

You will cope 'on your own' because it sounds like in effect you have been doing that for years anyway with your husband's inability to pull his weight. Plus you have your children and I'm sure you will have support from family and friends too.

Good luck, onwards and upwards.

basketcase

Pssst wrote: »

Just a thought but...how come we never see threads that start..."please help me-i really need to leave my wife"

Because there aren't that many who have any difficulty doing it...?:rolleyes:

Ex1le

HippyChick,

After reading your thread i am sure you have done the right thing by leaving your husband as you have tried your hardest to get him to change his ways and he is unable too.
Congratulations on making the first step i hope things do get better for you quickly.

But as a man who has recently been on the other end of a similar situation i feel the need to stick up for men in general if not your husband in particular as there tends to be a lot of man bashing on here, rightly or wrongly.
In my case my partner and i were together for 7 years, 6 1/2 were very happy times, 99% we were both happy and in love.
Then other events in our life took over, my partners health problems, two of my grandparents being taken ill and later dying, job worries with me being made redundant and her changing jobs... basically these other events clouded our judgments, made me a very stressed and slightly depressed person and my partner feeling very alone and unloved... i know that my behaviour suffered.

My ex has since accused me of being a heavy drinker (i only have 6/8 cans over a weekend), having a violent temper (despite never being violent towards her), shouting and swearing at her on a daily basis yet i am known by everyone as being very quiet and laid back and finally never showing her any love or attention... despite telling her i loved her on a daily basis.
Basically what i am trying to say is when we are depressed and/or stressed our perspective is often skewed and we see/read more into what is happening than is actually there. We also dont realise fully what we are doing or how our action affect others.
Sometimes we make decisions based on these skewed/clouded feelings that we wouldnt make if we were thinking clearly.
I know if my partner had discussed her issues with me we could have sorted things out but she refused to, as in her eyes i had become something she could no longer live with, in reality it was a short term blip.
Its awful whe long term relationships fail but most can be saved with understanding and discussion, im sorry that this isnt so in your case.
(not all men are b**tards, even though we may appear to be at certain times)

I wish you the best in the future

hippychick1

All weekend I have missed him so much, I want to try again. He has been away on a stag weekend, so I phoned him. I want to try counselling, anything to make us happy again.
His 'stag' weekend is a weekend away with his bit on the side. I am devastated I can't stop crying. I have just spoken to his parents and they are fuming with him. I can't cope with this