Please help me

Hopeful1

Hi Hippychick.

I'm sorry you've been so hurt, but to hear you talk about plans for the future is great. Realistically it won't be easy having 3 children and studying, but i'm sure you will do it with your determination.

As for watching !!!!!! whilst caring for the children. I don't think that's appropriate. There's a time and place. They could have walked in like you so i can understand your fears. It may be more helpful for you though to be able to trust him to be with the children alone, to help you out with work, study etc. Would he agree to not using the computer whilst the kids are up? As you say, that should be bonding time for them with their dad.

I really do wish you lots of look Hippychick. Do you keep up with Kizzy's thread still? They all seem to give each other lots of positive support on their and are all moving forward in some way, albeit at different paces to each other.

Take care

hippychick1

Thanks for that hopeful.

I always read Kizzy's thread, have kept up with it. They're such an inspiration on there, that will be me in a years time! :j

rolo-polo1965

You could have a look at my thread:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1291367

I have been through a lot over the past year but have come through the other side and so will you.

You will get a divorce on legal aid like i have done. If i can offer any advise just ask. But you must think of your kids, i did and this is why i am where i am today.

All the best

hippychick1

Thanks rolo. I have read you thread before, you are doing fantastic. I know I am at the lowest point right now, and it's so hard to see how I'll come out the other side.

hippychick1

Has anybody any advice about what I should be asking at the solicitors? I am so emotional at the moment, I know I'm just going to sit there and cry. I have never dealt with solicitors before, for anything, and am nervous.

I want to go in there with a list of questions for them, but just cannot think straight right now. God I sound so stuid and naive, but honestly just do not know where to start

essexgirly

hi there hippychick, hold your head up,you've got over the worst which is making the decision to carry on with your children on your own, it's tuff, I done it 10 years ago after suffering for a lot longer. Focus on you and the kids,they are all that matter, build your foundations. As for the solicitor, have you a friend you could take along for your ears, you need somebody with you to take everything in. Divorce lawyers are doing this all the time and have set precedents on how things work, you could tell them you want supervised access but on the grounds that he gets help with his alcohol abuse. CSA will sort out the money, go to citizens advice, they can point you in the right direction for all the help you need.

I know it all seems messy and you cant think straight, but you have realised that your life would only get worse and in turn this would have terrible effects on your children. Be strong, you have your future to be proud of and in 10 years time, (like me) you can give yourself a big pat on the back, and say "I done alright on my own", it WILL happen.

Well done in making probably the biggest decision ever, carry on moving forward.

:beer:

rolo-polo1965

Hope you got on ok at the solicitors.

I hope you rae coping ok.

Remember we are all here for you if you need a chat.

hippychick1

Well reading this forum this week, it seems as though everyone is going through the same thing!!! Break ups all over the place due to thoughtless men

I have been to the solicitors, and as long as my husband doesn't contest anything, we should be divorced within 3/4 months. I felt relieved knowing it will be done so quickly, but now the reality is sinking in. I don't want to be married to my husband anymore, but I really don't want to be divorced either. Anyone else ever felt like that?

The children seem ok with everything, they must pick up on so much more than I thought they did. My three year old said this morning, Daddy hates you now, but we all still love you. I'm ashamed to say I burst out crying right in front of him. This is all so difficult to deal with. I think my children are stronger than I am!!!!!

kaze_2

Hi Hippychick1,
your right it is the week/ month for break ups, my oh decided he wanted a break after only being married for 7 months and i've now found out, he's been texting one of my so called friends since before we got married in january and managed to text her 24 times on our wedding day, (told me it was one of his mates, having a few relationship problems, like an idiot believed him).

I feel exactly the same as you, i don't want to be married to him anymore, but i don't want to be divorced, to me marriage is for life, although i've now found out need to be married to him for a year before can get divorced).

Reading through your post, if your oh is anything like my one, he also liked a drink 8 cans of lager a night during the week and more at the weekends then you and your kids are much better off without him. I have a dd of 18months, i worry about how much this is all affecting her, but she has been a lot happier since he moved out and is now more talkative, whereas before she was very quiet when he was around.