Please help me

Pee

I haven't read all of your posts, but it sounds like you are on benefits, so would get free legal Aid. Just contact a local solicitor and ask do they do legally aided divorce.

The upset this other woman has caused you suggests that you do have some feelings for your husband. Part of this might be a normal reaction that if someone else wants him, you suddenly think you are interested and then on reflection realise that you are not.

One of the reasons for wanting to leave him was the money you felt he wasted on drink. Are you financially better off now?

Wanting it done "now" is quite understandable, but this is a big decision and not to be rushed.

julliff

Hi hippichick,

so sorry to hear that you are having a bad time.

I have just come back from a meeting with a solicitor, so I can pass on the information she gave me...

Fees vary, but the divorce can cost anything from £1,000 to £5,000 depending on how easily things are sorted. If you qualify for legal aid, you get a loan for up to £1500, which you have to pay back at a rate of *% interest.

If you are the petitioner, then you can apply to get the costs back from the other party - this may prove difficult though.


My OH sounds similar to yours in resect of the drinking. He can go a week or so without drinking if he wants to, but once he starts, he just drinks and drinks. Usually he drinks all over the weekend, but not so much in the week. His moods swing wildly when he is sober, but are much worse when he is drinking. I feel sorry that my kids have to witness all that - and guilty that I have put up with it for so long.

Please consider your health and your childrens happiness. You need to cut free. you are not alone - there are some lovely people right here, who will help you through this.

Take care

Pee

The money that you pay back with interest is what is known as a "stautory charge". That is secured on any assets you are entitled to at the end of the divorce... but it sounded as though the house was army property and there were no other assets? In which case you won't have to pay it back.

hippychick1

Hi all

Thanks for the replies and support.

Well it is definitely all over, I just feel relieved.

He had been chatting up this woman from a week after we got back together. Can't understand why he got back together with me really.

Before this I've now found out he logged on to a dating website, chatted up a lonely single mum for 2 weeks, went round there and slept with her, then blocked her from contacting him again. He said she contacted him on this dating site, that he was drunk one night and just signed up to it, but never contacted anyone himself.

Well, I managed to log into his account and there were so many messages from him to try and start chatting with random women. He's just some sleaze who seeks out lonely women, tells them he loves them to get to sleep with them

That's not all. I said he could have the kids for the wknd, as I needed some time away, I feel like I'm on the verge of cracking up. As he only has a room in the block, he stayed at my house with the kids, and I stayed at my dads. I popped round saturday lunchtime to pick something up. He was sitting at the computer, looking gobsmacked as I walked through the door.
Well, the kids were in the living room, entertaining themselves, and he was sitting watching !!!!!! on the internet in the dining room :mad::mad::mad:

I have told him he is not to see the kids anymore unless I am there, which means I cannot work as much, as he has them when I'm on lates. He seems to think that this is completely out of order, that he doesn't need to be supervised

What the hell has happened to the man I married? Am I really such a bad judge of character? I'm never ever going to be able to believe anything anyone ever tells me again

bestpud

hippychick1 wrote: »

Hi all

Thanks for the replies and support.

Well it is definitely all over, I just feel relieved.

He had been chatting up this woman from a week after we got back together. Can't understand why he got back together with me really.

Before this I've now found out he logged on to a dating website, chatted up a lonely single mum for 2 weeks, went round there and slept with her, then blocked her from contacting him again. He said she contacted him on this dating site, that he was drunk one night and just signed up to it, but never contacted anyone himself.

Well, I managed to log into his account and there were so many messages from him to try and start chatting with random women. He's just some sleaze who seeks out lonely women, tells them he loves them to get to sleep with them

That's not all. I said he could have the kids for the wknd, as I needed some time away, I feel like I'm on the verge of cracking up. As he only has a room in the block, he stayed at my house with the kids, and I stayed at my dads. I popped round saturday lunchtime to pick something up. He was sitting at the computer, looking gobsmacked as I walked through the door.
Well, the kids were in the living room, entertaining themselves, and he was sitting watching !!!!!! on the internet in the dining room :mad::mad::mad:

I have told him he is not to see the kids anymore unless I am there, which means I cannot work as much, as he has them when I'm on lates. He seems to think that this is completely out of order, that he doesn't need to be supervised

What the hell has happened to the man I married? Am I really such a bad judge of character? I'm never ever going to be able to believe anything anyone ever tells me again

While he sounds a right one, and you are best shot of him, does him looking at !!!!!! really mean he is unable to care for the children?

I mean, I don't spend every moment by my child's side...

I could see the problem if he were in the same room and the computer screen was facing towards them, but that's not how it was from the way you describe it?

hippychick1

No I realise he wasn't letting them see. We had a big talk the night before, and he told me he'd always put the kids first, and how important they are to him. So why, when he has limited time with them now, as he doesn't live with them, is he spending it watching !!!!!!? :mad:

Just before we got back together 6 weeks ago, He had met someone on a dating site, they spoke for two weeks, then met up just for sex. The next day I said we should get back together, and he dumped her. He never told me about her till the other day when I forced it out of him. I understand we were separated at the time, but I'd asked him to tell me about anyone.

Well today, she just got in touch through Facebook. They never really split up, he's been talking to her online as 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' for the last few weeks, as well as telling me he loved me, and this other girl he was seeing that he loved her too. They are now 'dating'.

My life just seems to be getting worse, how could he have two other women on the go, and I not have a clue?

hippychick1

Sorry, just read everything back.

I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself now, and just get on with my life. Wish I'd never taken him back now 6 weeks ago then none of this would have happened.

Got a new life to look forward to!

bestpud

hippychick1 wrote: »

Sorry, just read everything back.

I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself now, and just get on with my life. Wish I'd never taken him back now 6 weeks ago then none of this would have happened.

Got a new life to look forward to!

Quite right, you have! :T

Don't waste a minute more of your life with this prat!

I realise it's not quite as easy as that but, honestly, you deserve better! At least now you know for sure you have done the right thing.

As for not being with the children, my ex is exactly the same and I can't understand it either. Their loss though!

So what you got planned (new life wise) then - anything?

hippychick1

I start uni in January to train as a nurse. How I'm going to manage three years at uni on my own with three young children is beyond me, but hopefully I will do it.

tizhimi

Uni are great for helping with kids, they can sort you out with a creche at odd ours so you can study as well as have some r&r.

You'll be fine girl.