Please help me

ih8stress

Anonymous, hope you are feeling better today. You are obviously looking to change your life as you have already tried certain avenues. Only you know what is best for all concerned. I am sure everybody that loves you only wants you to be happy in whatever you decide. True friends/family should never judge in any way, just support as and when necessary.
I would try looking into your personal situation and gather as much information/options as possible until you are more confident/certain which course to take. Especially as you have other people to consider. Good luck.

I'm not sure whether you need to start a new thread on here for yourself - others may advise.

Chloepad1

Hippychick it sounds like you have tried your absolute best to make this marriage work and have tried to explore other avenues of support so your marriage can continue. However, this man has now been violent towards you. His behaviour in this respect is absolutely unacceptable. You need to put the welfare of yourself and your children first. I would also consider reporting the assault to the police so there is a record of his behaviour.

Money_maker

Hippychick, time to go it alone. Just read the whole thread and its a roller coaster of emotions, a few ups with many more downs. He is now getting menacing - no fault of yours but probably due to his drinking and forces background (sorry, dont want to diss ex forces but the only two I've known of have had difficulties adapting to civilian life) which may get worse when he leaves the Army.
You have tried so hard. Re read your thread and remember how he made you feel. Take the children, be happy and free x

ih8stress

Hippychick, not heard from you lately so just wondering how things are going and trusting that you're okay?

hippychick1

Hi there!

No, I haven't gone back to him!! When he came home two weeks ago, we had a good chat, and he was very emotional, and it really was sooo difficult to say this is it. He went to the doctors and asked for help to stop drinking. He has been referred for counselling, and he hasn't had a drink since all this happened.

I have looked at a house to rent, and am awaiting the landlords decision whether to accept me or not. The thing is, I have a lot of bad debt in my name, because my husband was up to his eyes in debt, so I took a lot of it on, as I had a good credit rating. He carried on spending, so we are now in a DMP. I'm hoping as a have a good guarantor this will not go against me too much.

As for me, I am all over the place. My husband and I are on friendly terms, he comes round after work till the kids have gone to bed, then he goes back to his single army accommodation. We have talked quite a lot, and I am so mixed up. I have told him I will be moving out with the children as soon as possible, but he keeps begging for another chance. I have enjoyed the peace in the evenings, as he is not sitting here drunk, but I have also missed him terribly. I am assuming though, that is is all normal? I have been with him for almost ten years, so I suppose it will take some adjusting to.

I lived with my parents till I got married, so have never lived alone - never mind with three young children!!! However, I have decided that this is definitely the right thing to do for me and the children. I am 29 in two weeks time, but I feel about 70!!! I am so tired and worn out all the time, but I am not sleeping well. I cannot wait until we can move. I will feel like it is my 'own' space then.

Thanks for all the concern and advice, it is very much appreciated!

HC
xx

hippychick1

Anonymous - how are you doing? Things any better for you?

Hope you are ok

x

yoni_one

hippychick1 wrote: »

Hi there!

No, I haven't gone back to him!!

I have looked at a house to rent ... my husband was up to his eyes in debt, so I took a lot of it on, as I had a good credit rating. He carried on spending, so we are now in a DMP.

I am all over the place. ...We have talked quite a lot, and I am so mixed up... he keeps begging for another chance. I have enjoyed the peace in the evenings, as he is not sitting here drunk, but I have also missed him terribly.

I am assuming though, that is is all normal?

I have never lived alone - never mind with three young children!!! .. I have decided that this is definitely the right thing to do for me and the children. I am 29 in two weeks time, but I feel about 70!!!

It is absolutely normal to miss him, especially when he is currently behaving friendly towards you. But can I suggest you have a think about what you mean by 'missing him'? Often when this happens it generally means you are missing the side of him you enjoyed being with. Unfortunately his package also included a much less pleasant side too and I expect you don't miss that?

When you are feeling the sadness of missing his nicer side him please try and remember why you are doing this, and how much better off you and the kids will be away from that very controlling behaviour. Challenging yourself in this way can sometimes help give you strength to deal with the very very confusing emotions you will continue to go through for some time yet.

Well done btw, I know it is a very difficult thing to leave a relationship, especially when you really wanted it to work and put so much in to trying, but it is a two way street and is not healthy for you or the kids to have to live on his terms only.

And of course it will be very scary setting up a home on your own for the first time, but honestly it is easier to manage things on a practical level when you are not having to deal with the difficulties you faced on a daily basis.

Again I can only urge you to seek support from local agencies. My job is to support women as they begin their new life of independence. There are so many things to think about when you move home it really does help to have some extra support from an agency that is on your side.

best of luck for your future HP x

Mer0176

Hi Hippychick,

I have been dipping in and out of your thread, I hope you don't mind me joining in. Your situation sounds very similar to the one I was in 14 years ago. My husband at the time was ex-army and a drinker, he was physically and verbally abusive, smashing up the house when drunk. At that time my boys were 3, 4 and 6 years old. I had begged him to stop drinking, we even went to his GP, he did attend one session of counselling, but then carried on drinking. Anyway to cut a long story short, he came home drunk one night and 'started' on me and I honestly thought he was going to kill me and I can still remember it clear as day and I thought, if I get out of this alive, then that is it. Happily to say, I did survive it and split up from him the next day. I was sad/lonely at first, but then I started meeting new people and going out and I can honestly say that for me and my children it was the best thing I have ever done. It was hard not going back, but not as hard as it was living with him. Good Luck and hugs xx

hippychick1

I'm off to work in a inute, but I just have to say

I HAVE A HOUSE!!!!! :j:j:j

I've never been so scared but excited!! I should be able to move within a couple of weeks. Woohoo!!!

Hopeful1

hippychick1 wrote: »

I'm off to work in a inute, but I just have to say

I HAVE A HOUSE!!!!! :j:j:j

I've never been so scared but excited!! I should be able to move within a couple of weeks. Woohoo!!!

Aww congratulations Hippychick. That's really good news. Well done!!