Please help me

BlondeHeadOn

Well done! In fact, [EMAIL="bl@@dy"]bl@@dy[/EMAIL] well done !! That must have taken a huge amount of guts to do.

The only way now is up, and things will get easier - just stick with it, from reading your posts you have done the right thing.

Big hugs for getting there, and loads of good wishes for you in your new life...

:grouphug: :j :T

Pssst

Hi hippie chick,,,do you want to hear something really surprising? When i read about how much your hubby drinks, I didnt think it was all that much. But just to clarify,i dont really drink myself,probably max 2 glasses of wine a week with a meal (big time eh ..) BUT what i was comparing your hubbies drinking with is the man talk that i hear from male colleagues at work about how much they drink etc etc. Now i know that a lot of it is male bravado BS,something i dont subscribe to (call me metrosexual if you like..) but many of them do have huge beer guts and look wasted so there is an element of truth in it.

Many people just drink to aneasthetise reality which can be very tedious and boring. Many people do lead boring tedious lives and your OH is in a very macho environment.

I suspect there are other issues here though. If you and your OH are bored with eacother and not really very luvdup then why waste time? Just make up your mind and move on. Relationships can become comfortable habits but who knows? there could be excitement out there for you..independance,freedom,do what you like,go where you like,meet new guys,have casual encounters..whatever...Of course there may also be stress,lonliness and the fear that you will never meet anyone else and what if you miss him teribly when youve left?

Still nothing ventured ,nothing gained. If youve never failed,youve never tried.

Pssst

Oops--hippy chick,,ive just scrolled up and realised youve packed your bags...is he in the RAF by the way !

Loved the boiled frog analogy further up the thread,very appropriate.

Ah well,ho hum,,good luck with it anyway girl..

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Well done! Now be prepared for the emotional blackmail, the 'I can't live without you/the kids/it's the job/the kids/you/you made me like this/you can't stop me being a great dad/the kids made me need three cans whilst I was supposed to be seeing them/it's not really a problem/loads of other people do it/I've seen the doctor and he says I'm fine/I have stopped/really/they're old cans/just finishing the last of it/forgot I had those/needed to be sociable/everyone will know if I don't drink with them/I'll leave job and it'll all be fine/I'm only drinking because you have destroyed my life and career by taking my children from me'

He will say anything to get you back in a position where it is possible for him to carry on drinking. He will just swap to vodka (even if he claims to hate the stuff) just so you won't be able to smell it. He'll ostensibly change to zero alcohol beer and down 3 cans of Tennants as soon as he is round the corner with the kids. They'll come back and say 'daddy was asleep cos he was tired so we watched dvds all day'

Stay firm. Don't soften one iota because he will be like a shark sniffing that one drop of blood in the water. Don't expect childcare, access visits, presents, cash, anything. Be prepared to go it completely alone. You don't need an alcoholic when you wanted a husband. Your children don't need an alcoholic. They needed a father, but he gave them an alcoholic.

He has made you and your children homeless through his being an alcoholic. He made you homeless, not you.

Get out. Stay out. Claim benefits, apply as homeless - they can't refuse you because domestic violence & alcoholism is a perfectly good reason to stop you returning to the marital home. They won't be allowed to insist you return to the house. The children will not be taken into care, whatever he says. Claim benefits. If you have to be made bankrupt, go for it. It's a clean slate. It's also better than being bankrupt and still stuck with him.

Don't give in now. Guilt kept you there for far too long - don't let it drag you back there.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!

quietheart

hippychick1 wrote: »

Well I've done it. I have left. I am so nervous, and feel a bit sick but I know I have done the right thing. Onwards and upwards! :j

Really hope you and the kids are doing ok, please keep us updated on how you are coping.
Best of luck

ih8stress

Well done, HippyChick. You took the first step in admitting it (as I've said previously) and have now taken the next logical step.

It might be tough at times but I'm sure you will have the strength to cope and do what is best for your children and yourself. I bet you also feel a huge sense of relief that you have removed yourself from such a negative lifestyle and hopefully strive towards a better future for you all.

Good luck. Don't be too afraid to say no to any help along the way - we are all human.

Witsend_2

Well Done hippychick :T Although it's not nice when your marriage breaks down you have made the break. I am so proud of you:D now look after yourself and your two little ones and go forward into a happier healthier future.
Good luck and well done again hugs x

hippychick1

Thanks to everyone for the support. I actually feel relieved, and happy. There were more issues than just the drink, and I feel so much better now I don't feel uncomfortable in my own home.

I am staying at my dads, and he is coming round tonight to see the kids. He just seems angry, barely said two words to me. I don't care. I feel guilty for the kids, and a bit sorry for him, but this is what is best for me. He's not really a bad person, we've just grown apart so much. He hasn't grown up.

Anyway I'm off to view a house today, and open a bank account in my name only. I have enquired about income support and housing benefits. I just feel excited about my new life. It's going to be great. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I really appreciate all the support on here, it makes me feel like I am not doing the 'wrong' thing by taking the kids away from him. THANK YOU!!! :beer:

Witsend_2

Thats super news hippychick it sounds like you have been busy preparing for your new life. I really do wish you every happiness in the future you deserve it! You GO GIRL!!

belfastgirl23

Well done! And lots of luck!