Please help me

Mely

Hippychick...im so happy for you and your family! Good luck for your future xxXxx

Quinny_2

Wow,what an amazing post.

Having read it through from the start,I have come to the conclusion that you are one bloody good woman,and if your husband doesn't want you,then I'll take you!!!!!!

You have worked so hard at trying to save your marriage,and if your husband can't see that,then he needs a check up from the neck up.Your story has been so emotional,and it surely must be an inspiration to those that find themselves in the same position.

I'll keep popping onto this thread from time to time to keep up to date,but in the meantime,I hope everything goes well for you and your families sake.

Hugs.

Ken.x.

hippychick1

Wow Quinny thanks!

I don't think fighting for your marriage is out of the ordinary, but it has definitely been hard work. I have been suicidal at times, but I have had fantastic support from family and friends, and of course from MSE.

I have just re read all this thread, and it seems so unreal now, my first post made me cry. If I ever get to feeling like that again, then I think it would definitely be time to leave. There is no way I would put myself and my children through all this again! I'm hopeful that things will work out for me and my family.

Thanks for you support!

hippychick1

Hi Witsend

I have been wondering how you were. It's great to know you're enjoying your job. I cannot wait to start. Next year I am applying to uni to start a nursing diploma, so this will all be good experience for me.

Do you still feel you want to leave? If you do, I know you will find the strength to do it. You sound such a strong woman, you've got to do what's right for you.

Take care
HC
xx

Quinny_2

I have to add,that I know that your husband has probably seen some not very nice things on his tour of duty,and I'm not using that as an excuse for his behaviour,but it's good to see that he may now realise that he may lose the things that are the most precious in his life,and that is the one thing that has got to be worth fighting for.

Ken.x.

magpiedawn

Hi Chick
Yeah i'm doing ok with the booze as in not dong it,congratulations on the new job and posative outlook UNI eh good for you.I'm guessing you already started back to work?how is it going. Sorry you didnt hear from me for a while (was wondering what happened to you too)but lost this thread have marked it now so i can pop back,am still posting on kizzys one so can always get me there
Good Luck Anna

hippychick1

After all I've been through, I know I should be happy that things are going ok for us now, but I honestly feel that DH and I are just completely different people, no common interests, opposing views on how to bring our children up, and generally just not 'made' for each other

Does anyone else ever feel this? I honestly thought I wouldn't resurrect this thread, but I do feel that we have just grown apart, even though I do still love him. The support I have received over the last few months has been tremendous, and I would really like to hear if anyone else has ever felt the same.

I'm so confused, I know love isn't all about flowers and chocolates and romance, but he's soooo bl**dy selfish :mad:

HC

bestpud

hippychick1 wrote: »

After all I've been through, I know I should be happy that things are going ok for us now, but I honestly feel that DH and I are just completely different people, no common interests, opposing views on how to bring our children up, and generally just not 'made' for each other

Does anyone else ever feel this? I honestly thought I wouldn't resurrect this thread, but I do feel that we have just grown apart, even though I do still love him. The support I have received over the last few months has been tremendous, and I would really like to hear if anyone else has ever felt the same.

I'm so confused, I know love isn't all about flowers and chocolates and romance, but he's soooo bl**dy selfish :mad:

HC

I haven't read the thread, and it's long, so I'm just responding to your last post (just saying in case I make a booboo!)

I feel exactly the same and still do now we have separated.

I still love my ex (I hate calling him that but DH doesn't seem right any more) but I cannot live with him for various reasons.

I was sure I was doing the right thing and I am still sure of that but it has been hard because I didn't want to hurt him.

I can say though, that only now can I see how bad it had got. I think we often just get on with things but that doesn't make it right and there are a few things that seemed normal at the time, but now I can see they were not.

If anything we get on better now but I know we will never be a couple again - he would come back at the drop of a hat but I just know we'd be in the same boat within a month or two.

I got to the point where I was looking ahead and it all seemed so bleak and I knew something had to change. My OH would never have said 'stop' no matter how bad it got, so I did.

The other changing point for me was the realisation that my children may think our existance was normal and I hate the thought of them accepting that sort of life for themselves.

I don't know if that is helpful or not, but be reassured you are not alone. I often think it would be easier if I hated him as I wouldn't feel so guilty for wanting out, but it just isn't like that. In fact, I think I will always love him...

PM me if you want to chat some more.

hippychick1

Oh my god, you have just posted everything that I feel.

Was there a turning point for you where you realised you were never going to grow old together?

I'm scared I'll still be here in 30 years time, nothing will have changed and I'll just regret my life. I don't think I'm strong enough to make that decision and go, especially since I know he thinks everything is OK between us.

Thank you so much for replying. I have worked so hard to try and repair my marriage over the last 6 months. I'm sitting here in tears thinking it was just a waste of time.

bestpud

hippychick1 wrote: »

Oh my god, you have just posted everything that I feel.

Was there a turning point for you where you realised you were never going to grow old together?

I'm scared I'll still be here in 30 years time, nothing will have changed and I'll just regret my life. I don't think I'm strong enough to make that decision and go, especially since I know he thinks everything is OK between us.

Thank you so much for replying. I have worked so hard to try and repair my marriage over the last 6 months. I'm sitting here in tears thinking it was just a waste of time.

It's never a waste of time as you can always tell yourself you tried. The fact i have busted a gut trying to save our marriage is one of the things that has kept me going despite the guilt.

My DH didn't see the problem either and so I had no choice but to say it out of the blue, so to speak, and it was hard because I knew he'd be devastated.

But he knows the problems and knows he had ample chance to make changes but chose to bury his head and ignore the issues we had.

Yes there was a turning point for me, and it actually happened quite quickly tbh, even though I'd been thinking about it for a long while.

I think I just carried on, in the hope things would just fall into place and one day I simply realised they would not. I could feel myself getting more weary every day and I really feared there would be a point where I 'd be too worn down to do anything about it iyswim.

I can't quite see a future without him yet either if I am honest. Not because I want to be with him, but because I haven't had time to adjust yet. We'd been together for 22 years and married 19 so I guess it takes a while to 'feel' truly single...

It does take a lot of strength as it is a very tough thing to do and I know I couldn't have done it half heartedly.

I know it is the best action long term and that keeps me strong.