Please help me

[Deleted User]

hippychick1 wrote: »

Happy New Year to you too Goochie! Hope you had a nice Christmas.

We had a great Christmas, a few ups and downs, but mainly it has been good. It was the first Christmas without my mum, which was sad, and I found it really strange. DH and I are still talking all the time if anything is bothering us. I still find it hard to understand how things have changed so much in such a short time, but it's great!!!!

My dad is paying for a weekend away for us to Prague at the end of the month, and will be having all three kids for us. Everyone has been lovely and really helped us. DH parents are taking kids away in May, so DH and I are going away for the week.

I have my first counselling session on Friday to talk through everything I need to, about my mum dying and what happened between DH and I. I really feel this will help. I'm still on antidepressants, and I'm worrying a bit that I'll feel different once I stop taking them.

My life has honestly turned around completely. This time last year I wanted to leave my husband, now I can't imagine life without him :j

Thanks for thinking of me!!!!

All wonderful news, one step at a time, the counselling brings a lot of stuff up that's hard to talk about, but you'll be feeling much better in no time.

belfastgirl23

Can I ask what happened re the drinking hippychick? Got a friend in a sort of similar situation and just wondering how this was resolved (if it was). Don't answer if you'd rather not though and glad you got through christmas ok and are feeling you're coping a bit better with your mum's death.

hippychick1

Hiya Belfast girl.

When we first got back together, DH said he would give up drinking. It slowly crept back in again, but nowhere near as bad as it was, and we only ever had a few drinks together, never just DH getting drunk on his own. We have both decided over Christmas that we can do without it, as we've had a few arguments if we've had a drink.

DH says it really is not bothering him in the slightest, though it's only been a week. I think now we are more relaxed around each other, he feels he can talk to me about anything, without having had a drink first. We were at the point where we didn't know what to say to each other anymore, and he thought that by him having a drink he felt more outspoken.

It was his choice completely to stop drinking altogether, so we will just see how things go. I hope your friend can sort her situation, she needs to tell him exactly how his drinking affects her and others. Hopefully the message will sink in eventually. Good luck and happy new year to you!

belfastgirl23

Wow, amazing and inspirational, thanks hippy

ih8stress

Hi Hippychick. Glad things are going well for you and your family. Don't worry too much about coming off anti-depressants - you will most likely be weaned off them slowly, so will not notice the changes. Also, remember you are still the same person so will cope without them when the time is right. They are just an additional 'crutch', along with the counselling etc. to help you through the difficulties.

All the best with your counselling session. As Goochie says, it may stir up emotions but ultimately will help you enormously.

Incidentally, how did you go on with thank you gifts for your friends?

i8banks

hippychick1 wrote: »

I want to leave my husband. There, I've said it now. This scares the hell out of me though. Things have not been right between us for a long time, and we have just grown apart. I actually left him, back in July, but after three days of him begging, I went back again. He promised things would change, but that lasted about a week.
We have been together 9 years, married for 7, and have three young children together. It is my children that I am most concerned about, about the effect this will have on them. I feel so guilty for thinking about leaving, but he will not stop drinking. He drinks most nights, and we have barely any money to get by. He is so selfish. He snaps at the kids all the time, and I feel sorry for them.
If I left, I would have to claim benefits, and probably declare myself bankrupt due to all our debts being in my name. I have never had to do anything like this before, and the thought of depending on the state all because I couldn't make my marriage work is terrifying me.
I am shaking whilst typing this. I have almost written this post so many times before, but am scared to admit things really are this bad. I know I have to leave.
Has anyone else been through this? How have your children coped?

Hi hippychick did you manage to leave? my oh is in the forces we been married 17 years his drinking is out of order, he doesnt do it at work he does it at home well when i say at home its normally in the car drinking a bottle of vodka secretly, so many time he has said he will give up and has even been to aa once didnt go again as he said it was to much to do with god. We own our own home have 2 great kids (teens) i so desperately want to leave but i have no friends or family where i live i cant live with my mum she lives miles away. I have a part time job as a cleaner as he says im to thick to do anything else i know im not i have 9 cse and have nvqs in computing. He has never hit me but he gets so angry. Just wanted to know if you got through it ok.xxxxx

magpiedawn

Just read through your thread,no wonder you picked up on my drinking.
So glad things are working out for you now......alot of hard work but soooo worth it ,you have done well to get so far AND with 3 young ones too,sorry to learn about your mum it must all have been so hard for you,your dad seems to have been strong and there for you so be proud of yourself i know it cant have been easy
hugs to you all Anna

hippychick1

Hi all

Things are still going good for us, Feel like life is getting back to normal now!

I HAVE A JOB!!!!!! :j :j :j

I will start in a couple of weeks at a nursing home, as a care assistnat. I haven't worked for a while, due to being a SAHM, so am very nervous, but I need to do this. I need to find myself again. I have found a wonderful childminder, but know I will feel so guilty when I have to leave my children with her.

ih8stress - I went out for a meal with my friends in the end, and just let them know how much I appreciated their support. When I went to counselling session, the counsellor stopped it half way through, as she said I do not need it!! I have managed to sort through things on my own, and seem happy!!

i8banks - are you ok? I am quite worried for you x

Anna - haven't heard from you for a while. How are you? x

[Deleted User]

Hey HippyChick

That's wonderful news, it will be good for you on so many levels.

And a meal with friends sounds like just what the doctor ordered - perhaps you could make this a more regular thing once you have some more money coming in?

Well done, I just re-read your first post, what a difference, you must be so happy.

:j

ih8stress

Hi Hippychick. Glad to hear you're doing well. Congratulations on your new job as well.

Don't worry about your children, as long as you and they are happy with the childminder I am sure they will adapt to her and sometimes it does everyone good to have a break - absence makes the heart grow fonder etc.

You sound like a caring person so I am sure you will settle into your new job fine and will benefit from the emotional reward as well as the financial side.

As usual, all the best.