Please help me

ih8stress

HippyChick, really pleased to hear your update (I had tears in my eyes!). Thank you for your kind comments, I'm only glad that I have been able to help in some small way.

I agree with everything that others have said, you are BOTH going through a very emotional period and the pressure is bound to build up and get to you in different ways.
(If you have read anything like Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus you may begin to understand that men and women DO react differently to situations. If you then take into account that every person has varying quantities of masculine/feminine traits in them - then the combinations get even more complicated!).

Firstly, arrange with your husband that you won't discuss your problems in great detail/slag each other off with your respective families. Not only does this cause added friction as you have discovered, it also makes it very hard for the family members to look favourably on the person who is hurting their beloved son/daughter etc. They are after all only looking out for you/your husband, showing their concern.

Make a plan of action with your husband that whenever either of you feels yourself getting too stressed out/on the verge of having a slanging match, then you use a silly word you both agree on (eg. sausages) to try and diffuse the situation, make the other person aware of the fact and call a halt to it. At this point, you go off into separate rooms if need be and chill out in whatever way suits you both best. (Screaming into a cushion, throwing rolled up socks at a target, listening to music....................).

Keep talking and hugging each other, remember you are on the same side. I would watch out for the drinking - it seems to aggravate things by the sound of it (hope that doesn't sound patronising, it's not meant to).

Enjoy your children, they can brighten any day and remember you are both trying to plan a secure future for them.

As always, good luck and take care

Mutter_2

:T :T For Hippychick and her family.:j

ih8stress

Hi Hippychick, hope things are going better for you still.

hippychick1

Hi guys!

Sorry I haven't updated this in a while. My husband and I are getting on just great, in fact at the weekend he moved back home. It just feels 'normal' now :j

Last week at Relate I broke down and ended up saying that I thought he didn't want to come back home ever, and that he would never understand how much he has hurt me, not just for sleeping with someone else, but for his behaviour over the last 2 years. He got quite upset too, and I think what I was saying really hit home.

For the last week he has been treating me like a princess!!! Constantly phoning and texting to see if I'm ok, cuddling me all the time. Things feel how they did 9 years ago when we first met. I honestly feel I have finally moved forward, and can forgive him for what he did, and I have put it behind us now.

For the first time in about 2 yearsI feel loved, valued and respected, instead of being taken for granted. This has been the most difficult year of my life, but the outcome has been worth it. I am so glad we both felt the same and have worked so hard to get where we are now. I am honestly really really happy

This forum has been such a lifeline for me, a great outlet for my emotions, and the support I have received has made me cry over the last few weeks. I just want to say a great big thank you to everyone who has read or replied to this thread. MSE helped save my marriage!!!!!

Witsend_2

Oh hippychick1 thats wonderful I'm so pleased for you both. You have been on my mind recently it's so nice to have an update and that you are happy. Good luck to you and may this Christmas be the happiest one yet x

deb68_2

I have no advice for you send you big (((((((((((((((( HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))
and wish all the very best, take care of yourself and your littleones

ih8stress

:j Hippychick that is great news :T
I wish you and your family a brilliant Xmas and may next year continue to be good for you all. Keep on communicating, especially telling each other when they do something really good. Everybody loves to get praise and feel appreciated (as you have discovered), it makes them feel good about themselves and gives them the desire to please even more. So it's a win/win situation for everybody:D

As always, good luck and take care.

[Deleted User]

Very happy for you Hippychick, I hope your marriage keeps going from strength to strength. LOL :T Thanks for the update I know a few of us were wondering how things were. If we don't hear from you again for a few weeks, I hope you and your family have a wonderful, happy christmas.

Mely

Hippychick your post has given me goosebumps - im just so very happy for you!!!
All the best for your future together ((((hugs)))) xxxx

hippychick1

Hi everyone!!

Life is still great for us, we're happier than we have ever been. I cannot believe things have turned out like this. For the last two years I have assumed that at some point we would split up. I cannot imagine that happening now :j

I am after a bit of advice from all you thoughtful people out there. My two best friends have stood by me through all this, and I have been able to moan on to either of them over the last two years. They have never judged, and never told me to leave my husband even when he cheated. I feel I could never have got through this tough time without their support, and I want to show I have appreciated them being there for me.

Has anyone any great ideas for a small Xmas gift? We don't usually buy for each other, but I want to give them something (but I'm skint )

Thanks very much
HC
x