Please help me

Witsend_2

Oh Hippychick I'm so sorry (((Hugs)))
As others have said don't be hard on yourself you need to feel loved and cared for at this time can your Dad help at all? just maybe have the children for a little while? Call your best friend and get all the support you can. Don't worry if the pots aren't washed, beds changed or the pile of ironing looks like a butter mountain as you are in shock and it is going to take time for you begin to feel human again. Im not saying wollow in self pitty (I can tell that you are not like that) but what I am saying is allow yourself time to come to terms with what has happened, take a single step everyday and if you make a mistake then so be it. Think through what you can but don't take action yet and try to eat something to keep your strength up.
Lots of love to you and your dear children keep talking to us on here as I know it helps so much x x x

[Deleted User]

Dear HippieChick
I am so sorry to hear you have been so badly let down when you were trying so hard to make your marriage work. Panic attacks are awful, I suffered daily for a long time. Please go back to your doctor, and make them listen, there is help out there and you need someone to help you through this - tell your GP everything. Understandably, everything seems so overwhelming at the moment, so try to make time for yourself even if it is 5 minutes a day when you just lie down, breathe deeply and clear your mind of everything, easier said than done I know, but it helps.
Thinking of you xx

whitewing

Hippychick,

Have a (((hug))). As the others have said, you don't need to make any major efforts right now. Look after yourself, and your children. Just get through each five minutes.

Don't forget that we're here, or call The Samaritans if it gets too much to deal with on your own. Take care xxx

ih8stress

You poor love. I wish I could give you a big hug. It's even more important now to get all the emotional and physical support you can to help you through this. Do you have any close friends, family who can help?

As others have said, concentrate on yourself and the children and don't take on anything that doesn't matter. If you find yourself feeling panicky, unable to cope, then just try and relax, breathe deeply and maybe recite a 'mantra' such as "I am perfectly capable and able to cope". The important thing to realise is that the feeling WILL pass. Perhaps give yourself small targets of 5 minutes to get through. If possible find ways to distract/occupy your mind when you start to feel stressed. In whatever situation, when you find yourself thinking of something negative, deliberately think of something positive instead.

Some people find the 'tapping technique' helpful. This has been well documented by Paul McKenna (http://www.skyone.co.uk/mckenna/tapping/).
*If you can't access this one, try : http://www.mckenna.com/default.aspx?pid=45 instead (same thing).
Although it is mentioned for helping with dieting, it can also be used in anxiety - simply think of your problem instead of food, where stated.

If I come across any other tips I will let you know.

I have suffered with agoraphobia/panic attacks for many years and found that saying 'so what' to the panics is a good way of making them feel less threatening. Also, realising that it is just a fleeting feeling that I have to get through (like dealing with a headache) and that every step forward will reduce it.

There are obviously alot of people on this site who are trying to support you and care about what you are going through which will help. You are not alone .......... take care and 'talk' on here whenever you need to.

P.S. Another one to try which looks okay (only had a quick read) is:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=coping

hippychick1

I can't believe how kind everyone has been!! Thank you all so much

Bit of an update anyway. Everything has got on top of OH, turns out his parents are really pressuring him to sort things out, blaming him for everything. We had a bit of a drunken argument the other night, and he just said 'Right that's it I've had enough I'm not doing this anymore'.
He came straight round the next morning and apologised, but I was really upset and wouldn't listen. He has really tried hard to make things right now, and we are trying again. This has just been so much more difficult to work through than either of us thought, but I still believe that we can make it work, and I know now he is committed to making us work :j

His family have now been told (in the nicest possible way, of course ) to BACK OFF!!!!!!

OH came to the doctors with me on Friday, and I am now on the waiting list for counselling, which should be in the next week or so. I have gone through a lot in the last year, so hopefully this will help. ih8stress - thank you for all the info you've given me, you're a star!!!!

We went to Relate tonight, and both really enjoyed it and came out smiling :j

Thank you for all the support ont his board, it really means a lot to me when I am feeling so low.

Thanks again
HC x

Witsend_2

Oh hippychick that's wonderful news:T I'm so happy for you:j I think that time is what you both need and that the councilling will help you no end. So glad that you had a good meeting at Relate and that you both left:D I'm sure that you are taking a step forward together and will be able to face the future and what it has to throw at you side by side:beer: Keep talking and listening to eachother and enjoy the making up;)
Take very good care x

glitterycloud

hi hippy i didnt want to read and run. What you both have been through is huge, it will take time to get through it all. Its good to hear that you are both still trying to make it work if at the end it doesn't then you will know in your heart that you did all you could to save your marriage.

Afghanistan/Iraq has ruined many good people I hope your husband gets all the help and support he needs. Now he has made the first few steps towards help I hope he goes all the way with it.

Feeling up and down each day is hard to deal with too but you WILL get through this a stronger person even if you don't think you will at the moment.

I wish you both all the best and will keep checking to see how your doing, I think its great that your both still fighting for your marriage too many people give up at the furst hurdle.
K X

gravitytolls

Good news HC. Keep reminding yourself that it won't be cured overnight, and there will be times when you both wonder if it's worth the effort, but you obviously both know in your hearts that it is, or you wouldn't be trying to save what you've got.

Well done, too many folk take the easy route of giving up, rather than face the seemingly uphill struggle to get it right. When you've succeeded, imagine how wonderful you'll feel that you persevered. Not to mention being a wonderful example to your children, and in a good position in years to come, to help them through any difficult times they may face.

As another has said, if it still doesn't work, you mustn't blame yourself, or each other. You're doing your best, you're doing all you can, and nobody can ask any more if either you.

God bless.

seven-day-weekend

Just wishing you both well hippychick.

He must have seen some dreadful things in Afghanistan. What with that and your mental health at the moment, you've both got a lot on your plate.

Just try to remember that both of you are vulnerable at the moment -make a pact that if if one of you kicks off the other one could try to remember that neither of you are your normal selves at the moment and just try to ignore it until you can sort it - just love each other and remember all the badness is due to illness and that the person you love is still in there.

Get all the help you both need - keep the family away unless they are going to be supportive.

Love and cry together, that way you will come through, although it won't happen all at once.

Wishing you both well.

belfastgirl23

Really glad to hear you are getting things sorted and smiling again.

good luck with the doc!