She's Dying & My Head Is All Over The Place - (Long Thread, Sorry)

SallyUK

devils_advocate wrote: »

On a very minor point that you raised, I'm sure that if you approached your employer and mentioned that your sister was suffering from a teminal illness, they would be only too happy to give you leave to visit her. A couple of weeks is, I think, quite reasonable to expect to get in the circumstances. You won't have to go into any further details with them.

Hello DA

Thanks to you too for taking the time to post. I think my employer probably would give me the time off, but I have kids at High School and they wouldn't be so willing, I don't think to let them out of school.

Sal
x

nesssie1702

Hi Sally

Just read your thread and I hope that you're beginning to see the wood for the trees? I've not read all the replies that folk have given you.

You do need to speak to your "sister" while she's able to hold a conversation, otherwise your questions will go unanswered and go to the grave with her. It'll be hard, but life's not easy all the time.

Thinking of you and I hope that you get answers and find some peace

Margaret54

Hi Sally , I feel so moved by your story, and I hope you are able to come to a decision that is right for you. I am thinking of you, and hope that you are able to have the peace of mind that you so deserve.
God bless you Sally.Margaret xx

skintchick

Oh sallly my heart goes out to you - what a difficult situation.

Mine is not at all the same, but I've had a lot of trauma in my life (and some sexual abuse), and two years ago when I was 31 i discovered that when I was born I was put into foster care for a few weeks because my mum had bad PNd and didn;t want the family to look after me. (I'm being brief) It caused me a lot of emotional turmoil, and eventually I had to talk to my mum about it. She was devastated she'd done that to me, and I had to find it in my heart to forgive her (you'd think it was nothing but I do remember it and it is the root of all my self-esteem and separation/abandonment issues) but talking about it helped. It still took me months to forgive her but I could see how devastated she was that she'd done that to me - given me away even for a few weeks - and although even as I'm typing this I'm fighting back tears, I am healed over it. I understand why she did it, and I can forgive her for that.

I really think you need to talk to your sister/mum. I think you have to tell her that even if she doesn;t want to talk, you need to, before she dies. But I think it would be good if before you do that you can find it in your heart to forgive her.

forgiveness is not felt first, it is said. I had to tell my mum I forgave her and it wasn;t until months later I actually felt it. But taking that step to make a choice to forgive her was liberating.

If you hold onto the hurt, the only perosn it hurts is you.

Please try to forgive her. Probably her rejection of you at the time was a defence mechanism, and maybe she later regretted it but felt there was no turning back now?

Please resolve it before she dies. Personally, iI'd tell your other sisters too. I think they have a right to know. Secrets fester and hurt. The truth will always set you free, no matter how painful initially.

i do believe that. THere can be no hurt in the truth.

Love and hugs
xxx

SallyUK

Margaret54 wrote: »

Hi Sally , I feel so moved by your story, and I hope you are able to come to a decision that is right for you. I am thinking of you, and hope that you are able to have the peace of mind that you so deserve.
God bless you Sally.Margaret xx

Thank you so much Nessie and Margaret.

It's so thoughtful of everyone to take the time out of their busy lives to reply to my thread, the support and replies have helped a lot, I thank all of you.

Sal
x

SallyUK

skintchick wrote: »

Oh sallly my heart goes out to you - what a difficult situation.

Mine is not at all the same, but I've had a lot of trauma in my life (and some sexual abuse), and two years ago when I was 31 i discovered that when I was born I was put into foster care for a few weeks because my mum had bad PNd and didn;t want the family to look after me. (I'm being brief) It caused me a lot of emotional turmoil, and eventually I had to talk to my mum about it. She was devastated she'd done that to me, and I had to find it in my heart to forgive her (you'd think it was nothing but I do remember it and it is the root of all my self-esteem and separation/abandonment issues) but talking about it helped. It still took me months to forgive her but I could see how devastated she was that she'd done that to me - given me away even for a few weeks - and although even as I'm typing this I'm fighting back tears, I am healed over it. I understand why she did it, and I can forgive her for that.

I really think you need to talk to your sister/mum. I think you have to tell her that even if she doesn;t want to talk, you need to, before she dies. But I think it would be good if before you do that you can find it in your heart to forgive her.

forgiveness is not felt first, it is said. I had to tell my mum I forgave her and it wasn;t until months later I actually felt it. But taking that step to make a choice to forgive her was liberating.

If you hold onto the hurt, the only perosn it hurts is you.

Please try to forgive her. Probably her rejection of you at the time was a defence mechanism, and maybe she later regretted it but felt there was no turning back now?

Please resolve it before she dies. Personally, iI'd tell your other sisters too. I think they have a right to know. Secrets fester and hurt. The truth will always set you free, no matter how painful initially.

i do believe that. THere can be no hurt in the truth.

Love and hugs
xxx

Hello Skintchick

Thanks to you too for taking the time to reply and for sharing some of your experience with me. I'm sorry you had to go this too.

I understand what you're saying and I totally agree with you about the others knowing, I still think they should know too. I wonder if I should leave it until she's no longer with us though, as I know she wanted the secret to be kept all this while. My "Mum" always said it was something that my "sister" didn't want the other two girls to know about, so if it had been lef to my "Mum" she probably would have told them, but she was just respecting her daughter's wishes really.

I don't resent her for her remarks, as I know that in those days, it was the done thing, to send people away to have their babies and I do know that lots of people say things in the heat of the moment and when their hormones are all over the place - lol.

I think I'm going to tell her other two daughters, but wait until my "Mum" and sister are no longer with us.

I'm still pretty confused and keep on having irrational thoughts, but I think that's got a lot to do with the fact I'm pre-menopausal and about to turn 50!!!! and panicking at that though -it's on Wednesday and I don't want to be 50!!! - LOL

Thanks again for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it.

Sally
x

walks

Hi sally,
this is my 4th atempt, it is like reading my own life story but a lot of other stuff in too but let me just say speak to her i have plucked up the corage to it as i need asnserws, and she is now willing to talk we are doing a bit at a time but getting there it dont stop me feeling like s**t though but in the long term i hope i will start to get on with my life, i am already 52 sorry cant put everything down as i am choked at reading my mirrow imaige

Love PIP
xx

SallyUK

walks wrote: »

Hi sally,
this is my 4th atempt, it is like reading my own life story but a lot of other stuff in too but let me just say speak to her i have plucked up the corage to it as i need asnserws, and she is now willing to talk we are doing a bit at a time but getting there it dont stop me feeling like s**t though but in the long term i hope i will start to get on with my life, i am already 52 sorry cant put everything down as i am choked at reading my mirrow imaige

Love PIP
xx

Oh PIP, I'm so sorry this was upsetting for you, I really hope you are feeling a bit better now and that you are managing to do some more talking. I'm 50 tomorrow, so know how you feel.

I hope everything gets better for you soon and thanks for posting, best wishes.

Sally
xxx

frannyann

Sally,
I couldn't read and run. Just want to wish you well whatever you decide to do. From personal experience, my dad died, very suddenly, almost ten years ago. At the time of his death, myself and my brothers were not speaking to him and I know we all regret, deeply, not being able to talk to him, especially about him being adopted (something we feel troubled him but always thought there would be a 'better' time to discuss it) then suddenly it was too late.
Good luck.
x

foreign_correspondent

:hello:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I know its a difficult time, but I hope you have an ok day anyway.

fc x