She's Dying & My Head Is All Over The Place - (Long Thread, Sorry)

SallyUK

Everything that everyone has said makes such a lot of sense, so thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

I wish I could express myself as well as you all do.

Sally
xx

foreign_correspondent

Sally, I think you have expressed yourself very well on here,
best of luck
x

seven-day-weekend

Oh, I feel so much for you.

I too am adopted, but happily, and I've always known about it. It must be awful to have it sprung upon you like that, and all your family relationships suddenly change, your sister becoming your mum, and your mum and dad your grandparents.

However, I agree with others that with her being young, you don't always know how to cope with things and her comments may have meant nothing other than she was a mixed-up and damaged young girl.

Talk to her if you can and if she is able, but if nothing else , please forgive her and tell her you do so and that you understand why she may have behaved the way she did. I think this is as important for you as for her, if not more so. I'm not saying her actions were right (if they were she wouldn't need forgiveness), but we all make mistakes and it is important for you to be able to be at peace with it all before she dies. If you can do this AND talk to her in greater depth, that's even better.

About the abuse, I can't comment, except to say I know something about it from a friend of mine who was abused for ten years by her father and who has talked to me quite deeply about it. . I've seen the damage it has done. I really don't know what else to say, sorry, I'm sure other people have advice for you on that.

Will be thinking about you.

SallyUK

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

Sally, I think you have expressed yourself very well on here,
best of luck
x

Thank you for saying that FC.


Sally
x

SallyUK

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Oh, I feel so much for you.

I too am adopted, but happily, and I've always known about it. It must be awful to have it sprung upon you like that, and all your family relationships suddenly change, your sister becoming your mum, and your mum and dad your grandparents.

However, I agree with others that with her being young, you don't always know how to cope with things and her comments may have meant nothing other than she was a mixed-up and damaged young girl.

Talk to her if you can and if she is able, but if nothing else , please forgive her and tell her you do so and that you understand why she may have behaved the way she did. I think this is as important for you as for her, if not more so. I'm not saying her actions were right (if they were she wouldn't need forgiveness), but we all make mistakes and it is important for you to be able to be at peace with it all before she dies. If you can do this AND talk to her in greater depth, that's even better.

About the abuse, I can't comment, except to say I know something about it from a friend of mine who was abused for ten years by her father and who has talked to me quite deeply about it. . I've seen the damage it has done. I really don't know what else to say, sorry, I'm sure other people have advice for you on that.

Will be thinking about you.

Thanks SDW

I often wonder if she thinks about things the way I do. Perhaps she never does? What if she never thinks about it anymore and doesn't think she needs forgiveness?? I don't hold it against her at all, I just wish she'd been a bit more willing to discuss things with me when she was more able.

Apparently the nurse from the hospice told her on Monday that she needed to go into the hospice as there was nothing more the hospital could do for her. Now tonight, her daughter is telling me that the hospice nurse is saying that she's not quite ready for the hospice yet and she should be sent back home!! But no doubt, she'll be taken back into hospital again, as it seems she's been taken in and out every other day or so for the past few weeks.

Sally
x

trish06

Hi Sally
sending hugs your way

take one day at a time ,you will get through this

I think you have expressed yourself very well on here

will be thinking of you

SallyUK

trish06 wrote: »

Hi Sally
sending hugs your way

take one day at a time ,you will get through this

I think you have expressed yourself very well on here

will be thinking of you

Thank you very much, Trish

Sal
x

gizmo111

You have lots of issues and questions here that you need to try and seperate. I think you need to take the time to spend with your sister/mother and approach the subject and see how it goes. She may well want to talk to you but doesn't know how to approach it after all these years. It is possible her children may know or her past.
I agree a letter is a good start, but maybe just a simple one to her, saying you would like to talk about this. She may choose to reply in writing (depending how weak she is).
I would go up there sooner rather than later.
Here are some links you may find useful.

http://www.sandf.org/forum/index.php

http://www.uktrackers.co.uk/ti_links.htm

http://www.baaf.org.uk/

foreign_correspondent

I wonder if you just need to spend some time with her, to sit with her, chat, tell her you care for her, to be her friend and see what comes from that.

At least you will be creating the opportunity for discussion if it happens it does, it may well not, but at least you will know you gave it chance.

SallyUK

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

I wonder if you just need to spend some time with her, to sit with her, chat, tell her you care for her, to be her friend and see what comes from that.

At least you will be creating the opportunity for discussion if it happens it does, it may well not, but at least you will know you gave it chance.

Possibly FC, I think you might be right.

Sal
x