She's Dying & My Head Is All Over The Place - (Long Thread, Sorry)

SallyUK

frannyann wrote: »

Sally,
I couldn't read and run. Just want to wish you well whatever you decide to do. From personal experience, my dad died, very suddenly, almost ten years ago. At the time of his death, myself and my brothers were not speaking to him and I know we all regret, deeply, not being able to talk to him, especially about him being adopted (something we feel troubled him but always thought there would be a 'better' time to discuss it) then suddenly it was too late.
Good luck.
x

Thanks Frannyann, that was very thoughtful of you to take the time to post and I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad too.

Sal
x

SallyUK

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

:hello:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I know its a difficult time, but I hope you have an ok day anyway.

fc x

Thank you so much FC, that was good of you to remember!

She's been sent home from hospital on Monday and so we'll just need to wait and see what happens now. I suspect, if it's like previous times, then she'll be taken back in again fairly soon.

I'll keep you all posted.

Take care everyone,

Sal
x

foreign_correspondent

hi, how you doing?

SallyUK

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

hi, how you doing?

Hiya FC

Thanks for asking.

Since she was sent home from hospital last time, she's remained at home, still waiting for a bed in the hospice. Her daughter says she's fine at the moment though

I've been keeping in touch to see how she's doing, but have also had to deal with being sacked from work too and trying desperately to find another job.

It was kind of you to take the time to ask, so thank you for that.


Sal
x

SallyUK

Hello All

Not had a lot to say recently about this sad situation except that she has been doing really well since getting out of hospital last time. I rang and spoke with her last Sunday and she was talking ok and seemed pretty cheery.

However, about an hour ago I had a phone call from her daughter telling me that she's gone downhill fast since then. She's now unable to walk at all and the hospice nurse came in yesterday to speak with her.

My sister told the hospice nurse that she wanted to die and the hospice nurse had a long chat with her and was pretty honest with her and asked her where she wanted to die - did she want it to be in a hospice or at home. My sister wasn't sure, but she did tell the hospice nurse to ring her daughter and to be honest with her on the phone and to let her know that her mother may not have long left.

Her daughter told me that she's had false alarms before, as one of the Drs in hospital said that he thought the end was near, but since then her mother went from strength to strength! However, it's not been said by the hospice nurse before and we're likely to think that she may be more likely to be right?

She's said that it may be a few days or a few weeks.

I honestly don't know how I feel now.

Sal
x

poet123

In my experience the hospice nurses can tell when the time is near far better than doctors. They see the same signs in everyone, and know what to look for. I think the time has come for you to make that big decision,even if she has longer than best guessestimates she may not be conscious for the very end,so your window of opportunity may not be there. Good luck whatever you decide.

SallyUK

Thank you Poet123

Sally

sarymclary

Thinking of you Sally. How do you feel now? Do you feel the need to have a final chat with her, and sort everything out? Do you have any unanswered questions you'd like to ask your birth mum? Given your 'mum's' age & disability, if you were able to have this final conversation about it all in private now, it's unlikely she would be aware of it.
If you feel the need for some closure on the matter before her death, then I suppose now is the time.
Good luck, and come back here for any support you need.
S xx

clairehi

Hi Sally,
from personal experience I suggest you go and see her as soon as possible.
It is impossible to know how she will progress but she may deteriorate quickly to the point you cannot have a conversation with her at all, let alone ask difficult questions, and then it will be too late.
I am sorry if this sounds bleak. At least see if you can speak to the nurses/doctors looking after her, before making a long journey.
When my dad was dying from cancer, we managed to get family, friends to see him while he still able to appreciate them - which was 2-3 weeks before he died.

thinking of you.

SallyUK

It's really hard to describe how I feel.

In one respect I'm trying to keep my mind really busy, what with helping out with the animal rescue and trying to help out the stray dog etc and not thinking about what's about to happen. I also lost my job a few weeks ago so have an interview lined up for Tueday morning. What if I get offered that job and then find I need time off for to go to Scotland?? See what I mean? I'm having all sorts of things go through my mind right now - how awful is that?

I don't think I can talk to her -not now - not when she's so poorly - if I went and started talking to her about the past, - it wouldn't do me or her any good - I think I'll just have to let sleeping dogs lie. I think it would be cruel to start talking to her about things from the past, just to make myself feel better - I just don't know. My mind is all mixed up. Sometimes I feel I want to cry, but I haven't yet. I fear if I start, I might not stop.

Yet when I hear a snippet of a sad song or music, it makes me want to start.

I haven't told my son or daughter yet that she's near to death. My son is 16 and my daughter is 12. He's about to sit his mock GCSE's next week and I don't want him to have any other concerns on his mind.

My mind is a muddle right now.

Sally