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Money Moral Dilemma: Why won't my girlfriend ever pay on our dates?
Former_MSE_Joanne
Posts: 113 Forumite
NB: This question was sent in by a MoneySaver and featured in this week's email.
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks... I met a lovely lady a few weeks ago and we've been seeing each other almost every day. Feelings for both of us are running high, but when we go out, it's always me who pays. Tonight, for example, dinner and the cinema cost £60, which I paid for. Do women really still expect men to pay ALL the time? How can I subtly drop the hint that just occasionally I'd like her to pay her share? We're both financially comfortable with no mortgage.
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This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks... I met a lovely lady a few weeks ago and we've been seeing each other almost every day. Feelings for both of us are running high, but when we go out, it's always me who pays. Tonight, for example, dinner and the cinema cost £60, which I paid for. Do women really still expect men to pay ALL the time? How can I subtly drop the hint that just occasionally I'd like her to pay her share? We're both financially comfortable with no mortgage.
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Comments
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Use the following script:
"OK... For our next date, I'm going to put myself in your hands, love. You decide where we go, and what we do. I'm sure you'll make a good choice, in fact I'm so confident that I'm going to leave my wallet at home..."
Then if that works, try to institute a policy of taking it in turns to "lead" the night.
Either that, or make the dates progressively crappier. By new year, you'll be taking her to the KFC drive through, and she'll be so desperate for a more pricy night out that she'll cough up.0 -
This is why I don't date - I couldn't afford to go halves on such an extravagent night out!
I've never had a bloke pay for me - they've never offered to be honest.... so that was a very sexist "Do women really still expect men to pay ALL the time? ". I've ALWAYS paid.
I'd suggest that they either:
- date women that are worth the cost
- go on cheaper dates
- date wealthier women.
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Are you getting a good return on investment?
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So you've been taking her out "for a few weeks", but she hasn't offered to pay for anything yet?
Be careful. For a woman to form a lasting attachment to a man, she needs to feel that she has "invested" in you; her feelings, her love, her attention, her time, and yes, her money. If you willingly pay for whatever she wants, she may not attach any value to you, and then will discard you if a more interesting proposition comes along.
Or to put it in plain English, she's using you.My Debt Free Diary I owe:
July 16 £19700 Nov 16 £18002
Aug 16 £19519 Dec 16 £17708
Sep 16 £18780 Jan 17 £17082
Oct 16 £178730 -
She's a gold digger - get rid and find yourself an independent woman.0
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i have had a similar position, in that was a mature student. often skint, not really offering to share lifts, or a drink, yet would for others.
hope it wil only be a short term thing as we got on, but need to be able to pay partially some of the way, else accept being used for now if you think it is worthwhile0 -
Well jealous.
My bf of 5 years pays about 5% of the time for both of us. I pay 90% of the time for both of us and the other 5% we go dutch.
However I have a steady salary whereas he is often between jobs or does just a few hours a week in retail so I can't expect him to cough up more.
I don't even get birthday/christmas cards from him anymore!
I'd love to be spoilt once in while but its only fair to go 50-50 otherwise you will have an underlying resentment for the remainder of the relationship....0 -
Go Dutch and agree on the monthly level of spend so that "Dutch" isn't too expensive for either party. Only exceptions should be birthday treats and if there's something one of you really really wants to do & needs someone to go with - but then the person who wants to go would probably rather go with a friend who also wants to go!
Oh and some things are free... an Autumnal walk in crisp leaves, art galleries, tickets for TV shows...0 -
Well jealous.
My bf of 5 years pays about 5% of the time for both of us. I pay 90% of the time for both of us and the other 5% we go dutch.
However I have a steady salary whereas he is often between jobs or does just a few hours a week in retail so I can't expect him to cough up more.
I don't even get birthday/christmas cards from him anymore!
I'd love to be spoilt once in while but its only fair to go 50-50 otherwise you will have an underlying resentment for the remainder of the relationship....
No Christmas or birthday card?!0 -
Sorry , managing payments for outings is a basic communication skill. Every adult should be able to do it. Impossible to advise as every set of circumstances : who suggests going where , who accepts or does not accept , what is said and how is unique to any given moment in time.The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0
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