Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay our friends for hosting a party?

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MSE_Sarah
MSE_Sarah Posts: 327 MSE Staff
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This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
We had a wonderful time with friends who hosted on New Year's Eve. We brought a £9 bottle of prosecco as a gift - they supplied drinks and food. We then got a message mentioning that the food cost was £6 per adult, implying they wanted payment. They hadn't indicated before that we'd be paying for food. Should we pay up or make a fuss?

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Comments

  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,205 Forumite
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    I would be inclined to respond to say something along the lines of "We were a bit surprised to get your message, as we had understood that you were hosting the party, and there had not been any discussion or suggestion of guests making a financial contribution.
    We'd suggest that if you want to ask for contributions, it would be better to do this in advance, so that everyone knows where they stand."

    However, given that they are only asking for a small amount and that you had a fantastic time, I would also give them the money, and see your bottle of bubbly as you originally intended it, a gift. It would be a pity to fall out over £12. Maybe they originally intended to host but found themselves in financial difficulty
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • SuperPikachu
    SuperPikachu Posts: 344 Forumite
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    Think @TBagpuss has pretty much said everything I would have thought to.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,736 Forumite
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    Very rude - imho - to host a party then ask for a contribution towards food after the event (that's what it sounds like to me anyway).

    But why 'make a fuss'?
    Either pay up or don't.
    And next time they host an event, make sure you understand what they are expecting as a financial contribution.
  • kangoora
    kangoora Posts: 1,193 Forumite
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    Tell them you want £9 payment for your bottle of Prosecco, therefore you only 'owe' then £3

    Then say that for future events you'll require an itemised bill in advance before agreeing to attend.
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,181 Forumite
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    They should have made it clear when they invited you.
  • Owain_Moneysaver
    Owain_Moneysaver Posts: 11,360 Forumite
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    edited 8 January 2020 at 4:10PM
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    Just message back saying how well they did to put on such a fantastic spread for £6 and you're so glad you don't have to feel embarrassed about how much they spent.

    Obviously your friends are very :money: as a similar quandary on Mumsnet was £100 a head :eek:
    A kind word lasts a minute, a skelped erse is sair for a day.
  • benedictadams
    benedictadams Posts: 926 Forumite
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    a £100 a head for food?

    did mumsnet woman indicate what you got for that huge figure?
    Debt of £6300 cleared in 5 years, now ZERO
  • cbrown7
    cbrown7 Posts: 33 Forumite
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    Get new friends!
  • Teacher2
    Teacher2 Posts: 546 Forumite
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    If you are going to charge for a party you need to make it clear in advance.
  • pamboulton
    pamboulton Posts: 5 Forumite
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    Clearly supplying both food and drink for a party is very generous. In the circumstances to refuse to pay as requested or ‘ make a fuss’ would be inappropriate. You might try making the contribution whilst making clear you hadn’t realised that was the plan, so suggest you should all be much more open about the arrangements next time
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