Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay our friends for hosting a party?

Mssjones

First, you indicate that you are not sure that your friends were asking for payment or simply mentioning the cost per head (albeit that's a bit odd), so to get into a wrangle about "you should have told us in advance" is risking offence. Best thing is to assume they are more generous than that, and write back (you may have done so already) thanking them for a lovely party, making no mention of the food. if there's any comeback on money, you say: Good grief, you want me to pay?! Really?? And then you either don't pay because you don't like them any more, or you do pay because you're a softie. It might be an idea to host a little gathering of your own some time; with lovely food and drink. No charge! That's how good hosts behave:!

Izadora

NBLondon wrote: »

you don't buy Budweiser for Barbara and Carling for Charlie and Fosters for Fred and Freda surely?

That's exactly why we tell people to bring their own

There's always some generic lager/ale/wine/spirits/mixers for people to help themselves but the last time we hosted a party where we got everyone's preferred brand it ended up ridiculously expensive.
Then everyone brought something with them anyway and we ended up with a mountain of booze leftover :rotfl:

Matt8888

I think 1 bottle for a couple is quite mean, even if it seems to be the norm. As a single person, I take one bottle and eat half the food! Couples always do better than the singleton and are generally ignorant or shameless of the fact. My more generous friends who are couples bring two bottles or a bottle plus something else when they come to mine. Anyway, you could simply reply and say it was great, and the food is on you next time, and are you free in February (or whatever).

Tinkerbell69

I agree, they should have made it clear when they invited you.

In saying that, if they hosted the party at their own place and food and drink was included, imagine how much you have saved, NYE functions are extremely pricey, so you have bagged a total bargain to have food and drink included, just for the cost of a £9 bottle of Prosecco. You say you had an enjoyable night.

Personally when I am invited anywhere, I offer to help with food, offer to help with clearing up and cleaning afterwards and am grateful for an invite and the generosity of my hosts. You had a considerably cheap night with probably days/hours of preparation and planning by the host.

Very difficult in how you are going to respond to the request for money, looks like this is the beginning of the end of your friendship, maybe look at it from their point of view, perhaps they were expecting a little more gratitude from their guests and in the aftermath decided to charge? A difficult one! Good luck and hope you can stay friends with this delicate situation

gloriouslyhappy

bertiewhite wrote: »

Seeing as this year NYE was on Tuesday then yes, they are quite within their rights to ask. If it was a weekend, that's a whole different ball game altogether.

I don't get what the day of the week has to do with it?

JayD

No way! They have no right to invite you, accept your liquid contribution and then tell you AFTERWARDS that there is a charge for food! That sounds awful and not the act of a 'friend'.


I do understand that catering such events can be very costly. Bring your own bottle and bring your own food are pretty standard ways of defraying those costs. But if they took on the catering without those requests, then they should have made it clear that financial contributions would be expected BEFORE the party took place.


How upsetting for you.

onwards&upwards

Tinkerbell69 wrote: »

I agree, they should have made it clear when they invited you.

In saying that, if they hosted the party at their own place and food and drink was included, imagine how much you have saved, NYE functions are extremely pricey, so you have bagged a total bargain to have food and drink included, just for the cost of a £9 bottle of Prosecco. You say you had an enjoyable night.

This assumes they would have gone to a pricey function, maybe if they hadn’t had this invite they’d have stayed in?