Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay our friends for hosting a party?

SuperPikachu

Alot of people are latching onto the £9 bottle of prosecco.

Can i just remind people we do not have a clue about the financial situation of the couple who attended the party ... they may well be very poor (and this may also be known to the hosts).

That £9 prosecco may have been a big gift for them and we also do not know whether they also brought further drinks for themselves.

gloriouslyhappy

When we host, we provide everyhthing, and people usually bring a bottle of wine and /or soft drink. Most people ask if they can contribute something else and we always decline. We do the same when invited out unless anything else is specified, eg the day after Boxing Day we went for a long forest walk with a big group of friends and were invited back to one friend's for fish & chips, they clearly said £5 per person which was a bargain as f&c usually costs more. Those who didn't want to eat / pay left after the walk, the rest of us popped into the local offlicence and bought wine and ice cream for everyone, and we all had a great time.

I hosted a MacMillan Big Coffee Morning in September and made it clear donations were expected, suggested £5 per head, most people paid that or more plus brought cakes to eat and / or bought raffle tickets and home made jam. We raised quite a bit for MacMillan but of course I didn't charge MacMillan for the coffee, tea, cakes, raffle prizes etc I provided, all the money raised went to MacMillan.

My somewhat long-winded point is that in each case, we knew beforehand what was expected. I think it's unfair to spring a surprise afterwards. If the hosts thought the single bottle of Prosecco was inadequate, I would suggest they keep quiet and don't repeat the invite, or next time say £x per head plus bring a bottle each when extending the invitation.

As always, communication is key.. Happy new year everyone, may this be a good year for saving and prospering for all of us!

icemice

I'm lucky to have access to a business premises where I can take over part of the building and host an occasional party. I do a full winter wonderland extravaganza for 30+ friends at Christmas. It costs me about £20 per adult to do this to cover food & drinks plus Santa gifts for the children attending. No, I don't charge, and whilst people offer to financially contribute, I don't accept, but it would be rude to refuse a bottle bought along on the night. This is my Christmas gift to friends instead of wrapped gifts. We all have a great get-together and it's worth more than gifts to us all. :beer::xmastree:

If folks want to charge their guests, as far as I'm concerned, they should make this clear at the time of inviting. Too late once the party has been and gone. It would be like asking someone to pay for their own birthday present. As a host, the expense is your own responsibility unless you are running this as a business and make this clear.

System

Actual friends? Or acquaintances / neighbours / social media friends?

If it were my friends, I would pay up first and ask them why they didn't mention the £6 earlier. If it was a good reason (ie they had underbudgeted) I would say no more, but if they were playing at restaurants I would rib them mercilessly every time I saw them (for a few weeks at least)!.

Hazeld15

No way would I pay. Fine if you were told about it beforehand but after? No sorry. Just not on

davetrousers

Poor communication yet again causes problems.


Sigh...

Izadora

JWM wrote: »

Totally disagree.

If you are invited to a party then of course its polite to bring a gift for the host (and I always do), but expecting people to bring their 'own' drink defeats the whole object of hosting surely?

I agree that it's wrong not to be upfront about what you expect people to bring but I don't think that providing everyone's drinks is the whole object of hosting. We hosted NYE this year and it would probably have bankrupted us if we'd provided all of the alcohol. Maybe we've just got very boozy mates but trying to make sure that you've got everyone's preferred drinks/brands is a nightmare and very expensive so when people asked if there was anything they could bring our response was "whatever you want to drink, we'll cover everything else". Nobody seemed to mind and everyone enjoyed themselves.

engineer_amy

I agree that the hosts should have advised in advance of any contribution they may have required, but also a single bottle of prosecco from 2 guests at a dinner party is a bit paltry.


theres a group of 4 of us that regularly host each other for dinner, and there is never any expectation of any form of reimbursement, whether the host has spent all day slaving over a hot stove, or just ordered in a take away. Its simply just a case of "Right, its your turn to host next". over the course of the year, between money personally spent, or nice meals enjoyed, it all balances out in the end.


of course none of us ever turn up empty handed, even if we have asked if we need to bring something and been told no. There is usually a bottle or two of wine (as a gift, not to be drunk with dinner, unless the host wants to open it), flowers, or even a new cookbook. And as usually I don't decide what spirit or mixer I want to drink until the day of the party, I will bring my own drinks if its something that I wouldn't expect the host to have.

JWM

SuperPikachu wrote: »

Alot of people are latching onto the £9 bottle of prosecco.

Can i just remind people we do not have a clue about the financial situation of the couple who attended the party ... they may well be very poor (and this may also be known to the hosts).

That £9 prosecco may have been a big gift for them and we also do not know whether they also brought further drinks for themselves.

And can I also say that when hosting a party I have never remembered who bought what - let alone googled the cost of each bottle!

JWM

Izadora wrote: »

I agree that it's wrong not to be upfront about what you expect people to bring but I don't think that providing everyone's drinks is the whole object of hosting. We hosted NYE this year and it would probably have bankrupted us if we'd provided all of the alcohol. Maybe we've just got very boozy mates but trying to make sure that you've got everyone's preferred drinks/brands is a nightmare and very expensive so when people asked if there was anything they could bring our response was "whatever you want to drink, we'll cover everything else". Nobody seemed to mind and everyone enjoyed themselves.

Sorry I probably worded that wrong. What I meant is that a lot of replies are focusing on the '£9 bottle of prosecco', when surely the point of inviting people to your home is to enjoy their company, not to automatically recoup your costs.