Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay our friends for hosting a party?

Smodlet

Am I correct in thinking this is the the first MMD in a very long time that actually is a dilemma? Perhaps it is one of MSE's resolutions... :cool:

Owain_Moneysaver

benedictadams wrote: »

a £100 a head for food?

did mumsnet woman indicate what you got for that huge figure?

"Per family" not per head, but even so ...

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. ... The price was originally £50 and including booze. Then it didnt include booze and afterwards up doubled in price

gloriouslyhappy

icemice wrote: »

I'm lucky to have access to a business premises where I can take over part of the building and host an occasional party. I do a full winter wonderland extravaganza for 30+ friends at Christmas. It costs me about £20 per adult to do this to cover food & drinks plus Santa gifts for the children attending. No, I don't charge, and whilst people offer to financially contribute, I don't accept, but it would be rude to refuse a bottle bought along on the night. This is my Christmas gift to friends instead of wrapped gifts. We all have a great get-together and it's worth more than gifts to us all.

This sounds lovely - can I come next year please!! Will bring some bubbly ;-)

REJP

Depends how much you value your friendship.
Is it possible the friends believed you were aware of the £6 per head cost before the party, but that somehow you did not get the message?
I would check with other guests as to whether or not they had similar requests for money after the party.
You took Prosecco, were you invited on a "Bring a bottle" basis?
Personally I would pay and cross them off my list of friends if they did not tell you in advance about the charge.I have never attended a party where I have been asked to pay for food except in cases where the catering was paid for to an outside source, in which case I would offer to contribute. However if it was a gathering of friends at their house I would not expect to be charged after the event. I have had many parties and NEVER charged for food.

REJP

It does not say it was a dinner party. For all we know it could have been a bring a bottle and hosts provided nuts and crisps.
Still rude to ask for money after the event.

NBLondon

Izadora wrote: »

Maybe we've just got very boozy mates but trying to make sure that you've got everyone's preferred drinks/brands is a nightmare and very expensive.

Preferred brands? OK - I get that if you don't drink e.g. wine and your mates do then you've an extra expense and that's part of them being your mates (as long as it works in both directions). But if they drink e.g. lager and you are buying in a couple of slabs - you choose what you buy - you don't buy Budweiser for Barbara and Carling for Charlie and Fosters for Fred and Freda surely? So your approach is reasonable - if they want a specific brand, yep - they can bring it.

crmism

I suggest you treat the request with the contempt it deserves and decline to acknowledge it.

No-one who's invited to another's party expects to pay for their share or any of it, unless it's been made very clear beforehand. That's what hosting and friendship are all about, and common decency would expect no less.

What you did in taking along a bottle of plonk was quite sufficient but, if you want to return the compliment, why not ask your hosts to pay something towards it.;)

YelloJello

Wow....this is a bit cheeky of your friends! Did you ask them to host the party? When I go to parties, I always buy a bottle and ask if they want me to make anything, usually the answer is "no thanks", but have never been asked for payment. I would pay up, as it's not worth having bad feeling about, but your friends should be clear next time.

Smodlet

Acquaintances may well do this; friends would not. I think you need to redefine your definition of what constitutes a friend, OP. MytwitFakelook and the like do not define what a friend is; experience does that.

happyinflorida

Very strange to do this - I've never experienced this myself or heard of anyone doing anything similar.


I'd ring them up and ask them if their message actually means they want you to pay £6 and see what they have to say.

If they want payment, then I'd make it but I'd make a semi joke and say oh well I'll be charging you for the next party you attend - but I wouldn't because I think this is so ludicrous.