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PS out of interest, and you don't need to be too specific, what is your job? Just interested as I feel my job controls how I do things in my personal life, as in the traits I need for my job dictate how I act. I'm trying to divorce the two as I think that may be part of the issue.
I work for a local government, in finances (recovery). I recently applied for another role though as I fancied a change (going back to the whole challenge thing). I won't find out for a while but I'm hoping if I'm fortunate enough to get the job, I might find it a bit more challenging.
I am very, very good at separating work and my home life. May I ask what your job is, or if you don't want to share, what traits you need to be successful in it?0 -
... like I'm supposed to feel amazing but end up indifferent. This puts me off visiting new places as I just remember how I felt and don't bother!
It's all about retraining and living in the 'moment'. I've lost the art, so many others do this without thinking, it comes naturally. I can almost guarantee the more you practice this, the more you'll enjoy what you do when you're in the 'thick' of it.
When you're wandering around on your hols and if you put this into practice and stop thinking about the next thing, you might find it becomes more natural to you and you'll find yourself slowing down and enjoying things more. I'm finding this, slowly. It's retraining my brain from what I've almost always ever known.
I work as an Exec Asst. Always having to look ahead, do 50 things at once, know what I'm doing, my boss is doing, race race race... plan plan plan. What is happening tomorrow, the next day etc.. when I'm at wonderful events I lose the 'wow, I'm so lucky to be in this beautiful spot, doing these amazing things'. Too much looking forward, this spills over into my personal life. I plan holidays waaaay in advance and have itineraries of itineraries! It's crazy, for me, and I'm trying to change this. Nothing wrong with planning, but constantly racing through something and looking to the next is only doing one thing.... aging me incredibly fast and I'm losing the ability to stop, look around and take in the "wonder".0 -
I'm exactly the same. I've been living practically like a hermit for a couple of years, I don't seem to want to do anything - and I'm hardly ever bored for some reason. The trouble is, it's very habit-forming, and the less you do, the less you will WANT to do. That can lead to loneliness in the future, because you won't have met anyone new in years. I'm quite happy with my own company, but I realise that may not always be the case, and I may feel very lonely as time goes by. So I've been consciously pushing myself to go out a bit more, walk through town, have a coffee in a nice place, accept people's invitations to do things - which I nearly always declined up until recently. I'm lucky everyone hasn't stopped asking to be honest!
It's very difficult to get out of the mindset that you won't be enjoying whatever you have set out to do, so I sympathize.
Re: the trip. I would suggest taking a very good camera with you and taking lots of pictures. You will be wanting to have nice pictures to look at once back home (or even buy a poster frame before you go, with the aim of framing your best pic), so it might spur you on to go places or visit sites you wouldn't normally have. It also gives you something to look forward to for after the trip.0 -
It is strangely reassuring that other people feel the same way though.
I'm so envious of these people who go cycling off-road on a weekend and seem to genuinely enjoy it. Likewise, people who go walking or visit famous places/buildings. I find myself doing this and just feeling at a loose end, like I'm supposed to feel amazing but end up indifferent. This puts me off visiting new places as I just remember how I felt and don't bother!
Frustrating, as I'm in a position to do almost anything I want to do...I just don't have the compassion to do it. I'm sure this is very frustrating for those who have lots of ideas but no way to facilitate them.
I'm afraid I can't give you any advice (although view seems to be on the button!) but wish you the best of luck in improving your outlook
I used to have two jobs. I just lived to work and had no life. There were no weekends (one job is part of a rolling 24/7/365 shift pattern) and it was just a desperate treadmill.
On what should be my living room wall, I have a massive office wall planner with my shifts on it for the rest of the year.
Everything goes on it - birthdays, wedding anniversaries, death anniversaries, medical appointments, days out, cinema and theatre visits - they have all got their little coloured spots.
Even grooming has a little spot (green
)
As it fills up, it's not just a reminder of what comes next, it becomes my diary. At the end of the year, I roll it up and tuck it away in a wrapping paper tube.
It comes in handy when the tax man wants to know which jobs started and finished and when.
Now I'm not living to work, I am determined to fill every square with something.
Even if it's just "8 x laundry" - like today.
I've booked overnight city breaks, tickets to see comedians, theatre trips and special screenings of live plays and concerts at the local cinema.
Right now, I'm making myself do this. There's no real enthusiasm at the moment but knowing me, I know I'll enjoy myself when I get there and at least I can say "yeah, I saw him in Manchester, he was very funny".
I really don't know what to suggest as I'm in the same boat too. :embarasse:huh: Don't know what I'm doing, but doing it anyway... :huh:0 -
I'm exactly the same. I've been living practically like a hermit for a couple of years, I don't seem to want to do anything - and I'm hardly ever bored for some reason. The trouble is, it's very habit-forming, and the less you do, the less you will WANT to do. That can lead to loneliness in the future, because you won't have met anyone new in years. I'm quite happy with my own company, but I realise that may not always be the case, and I may feel very lonely as time goes by. So I've been consciously pushing myself to go out a bit more, walk through town, have a coffee in a nice place, accept people's invitations to do things - which I nearly always declined up until recently. I'm lucky everyone hasn't stopped asking to be honest!
It's very difficult to get out of the mindset that you won't be enjoying whatever you have set out to do, so I sympathize.
Re: the trip. I would suggest taking a very good camera with you and taking lots of pictures. You will be wanting to have nice pictures to look at once back home (or even buy a poster frame before you go, with the aim of framing your best pic), so it might spur you on to go places or visit sites you wouldn't normally have. It also gives you something to look forward to for after the trip.
What a lovely suggestion, Max. I actually have a very good DSLR so will take this with me and make sure I take photographs of everything that grabs my interest. I love photos but I never take them!
The walking through town/drinking a nice coffee thing is also an excellent idea. I often trivialise things..."Katie, you don't need a coffee/cake from that adorable cafe...it's £6! You could buy a whole jar of coffee for that...think about your mortgage, think about your bank balance, stop being frivolous!". So...I either give in and feel bad because of the cost or I don't do it, just reinforcing my boring lifestyle!
I should add, I'm not struggling financially so shouldn't really be thinking this way. It's the MSE way, I'm telling you! Brainwashing!
Something that bothers me, and this is REALLY silly, is when I'm doing my weekly shop and I see a couple choosing a DVD to purchase/watch. It seems like such a lovely thing to do but whenever I start looking at the DVD's to copy their behaviour, I find myself thinking about how expensive it is for something I'll watch once, and how there are probably hundreds of films on that night for me to watch! But...it's the experience of choosing something and getting excited for it that I think I crave. I just seem to talk myself out of it every time.
An insight into KatieDee's mind eh? Sorry about this!0 -
It does sound like you have a type of 'low level' depression - look up Dysthymia on the internet.
I'm not sure I can offer you any quick solutions, I've suffered from depression a fair bit of my adult life and can only suggest you might want to look into eating healthier, or the right things (bananas are very good for mental health!). But I also took a supplement called 5HTP which did help me for a while when I was determined not to go on antidepressants again.
I bet it feels like you just 'exist' most days. Horrible feeling :-(0 -
Gingernutty wrote: »I used to have two jobs. I just lived to work and had no life. There were no weekends (one job is part of a rolling 24/7/365 shift pattern) and it was just a desperate treadmill.
On what should be my living room wall, I have a massive office wall planner with my shifts on it for the rest of the year.
Everything goes on it - birthdays, wedding anniversaries, death anniversaries, medical appointments, days out, cinema and theatre visits - they have all got their little coloured spots.
Even grooming has a little spot (green)
As it fills up, it's not just a reminder of what's come next, it becomes my diary. At the end of the year, I roll it up and tuck it away in a wrapping paper tube.
It comes in handy when the tax man wants to know which jobs started and finished and when.
Now I'm not living to work, I am determined to fill every square with something.
Even if it's just "8 x laundry" - like today.
I've booked overnight city breaks, tickets to see comedians, theatre trips and special screenings of live plays and concerts at the local cinema.
Right now, I'm making myself do this. There's no real enthusiasm at the moment but knowing me, I know I'll enjoy myself when I get there and at least I can say "yeah, I saw him in Manchester, he was very funny".
I really don't know what to suggest as I'm in the same boat too. :embarasse
Different reply, as I don't want a huuuuuuge quote box above!
I really admire the way you plan your life...as view said, I feel as though sometimes I do a bit too much planning, but it seems as though filling your time up seems to help.
Perhaps I should copy your lifestyle but not plan the things as minutely as I do? Book things when I fancy them, try and know what I'm doing and when. I'm awful for birthdays/anniversaries, etc, and wish I could be that person who makes effort and sends cards to family and whatnot...I'm just rubbish!
I think this thread shows how people cope in different ways and it's so interesting to read about your thoughts and feelings on the subject. Thank you so much for your replies so far!0 -
It's all about retraining and living in the 'moment'. I've lost the art, so many others do this without thinking, it comes naturally. I can almost guarantee the more you practice this, the more you'll enjoy what you do when you're in the 'thick' of it.
This is soooo important. I have a bird feeder in the garden and I find sitting watching the birds very therapeutic, as does watching my chickens scratch around. It is like a form of meditation - being intensely aware of the moment.
OP if you can find things that for you enhance that sense of heightened awareness, then you may find it easier to be appreciative of things that you do in other aspects of your life. It can be likened to going back to a childlike state of mind in wonder of new experiences. As adults caught up in busy lives we can forget to stop and appreciate that we have so much. For example - a tree - the beautiful texture of the bark, the graceful branches, all the different hues of green in the leaves, the ephemeral blossom, the sheer number of years taken to grow, the life giving oxygen they breathe into the world......
Susan Jeffers puts it beautifully:'As we turn off the sound and move into silence, the dancing can begin. We finally hear the music of our soul, and it is this that gives us peace. As we listen to the music of our soul, we mysteriously and wondrously hear the music of everyone else's as well...and we are at one with the world.'It is a good idea to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that all its shy presences may haunt you and possess you in a reverie of suspended thought.
James Douglas0 -
Your a long time dead, spend some money on yourself and dont be tight and miserable.Its not like your on the dole, there no need to live like that.
I also think you sound depressed, have you thought about CBT counselling?0 -
What a lovely suggestion, Max. I actually have a very good DSLR so will take this with me and make sure I take photographs of everything that grabs my interest. I love photos but I never take them!
There you go, there's something you can do. Anywhere you go, take your camera with you. If you're walking around somewhere, the scenery is always changing so you can keep your mind preoccupied by thinking about what your next photo will be of.Something that bothers me, and this is REALLY silly, is when I'm doing my weekly shop and I see a couple choosing a DVD to purchase/watch. It seems like such a lovely thing to do but whenever I start looking at the DVD's to copy their behaviour, I find myself thinking about how expensive it is for something I'll watch once, and how there are probably hundreds of films on that night for me to watch! But...it's the experience of choosing something and getting excited for it that I think I crave. I just seem to talk myself out of it every time.
My partner does exactly what those couples do except he does it in Poundland. The DVDs on sale are obviously not going to be chart DVDs or as recent as those in a supermarket but they do only cost £1 so even if you only watch it once, it's very cheap and you can still get to enjoy choosing the DVD and looking forward to watching it later.0
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