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Better_Days

KatieDee wrote: »

I really don't want to rely on medication. I know it works wonders for people and I think it's a very good option for some people...it's just not for me. I'm hoping something will click in to place and I'll be able to change my mindset, but I don't think this will happen. As you said, I can function, it's not a crippling disorder where I struggle to live life. I just feel a bit pants all the time and I've learned to adapt to live with this.

It maybe that rather than something clicking into place that you find that if you try to put into effect some of the suggestions that have been made, that the change in how you feel will be a process rather than a discrete event.

I also think you are underestimating the effect that this is having on the quality of your life. The difficulty with depression is that when you most need the help (via meds, CBT, counselling, exercise whatever) is when it is the hardest to take those things forward. Please don't settle for adapting to feeling pants all the time - really things can be a lot better for you. You do deserve better.

And btw - your choosing tomatoes anecdote made me laugh out loud. But it is an excellent example of how crippling depression can be.....where even minor decisions seem to be insurmountable.

bagpussbear

KatieDee wrote: »

Wine and chocolate is also very good for my mental health :cool:
Seriously though...you're bang on the money with your last comment. I feel as though I'm existing and I'm terrified that I'm going to look back on what should be the most frivolous days of my life and regret wasting it.

I keep hoping that some life event will make me feel better but that isn't a healthy way to live. I just wish I had further insight into why I feel like this. I've had a quick read about Dysthymia...absolutely no idea this existed but it sounds like I fit the bill. I shall resist the urge to perform an internet diagnosis but it's reassuring to know there's a name for what I appear to be feeling!

Would you recommend 5HTP? Did it have an effect on you?

lol at the wine and choc comment :rotfl:

I got on very well with the 5HTP (you can buy it from Holland and Barrett or online).

Obviously I won't say if I recommend it, as I'm not a doctor nor do I know of any other medication you might be on, but I will tell you of my experience and see how you feel.

It took it when I found myself going a little downhill (again) but I had really struggled to get off antidepressants, and had counselling (which helped me a lot) so I really felt I would be letting myself down if I went back on them again.

I felt a difference within 3 days of taking it, not any sort of 'high' or excitement but a general sense of well being, that actually things were going to be ok, I felt interested in other's day to day conversations, I thought about buying a couple of tops for work - silly little things like that that made me a bit more interested in the world around me.

Downside after a month was I felt quite sleepy during the day, not good in an office environment! I consulted advice on a mental health forum and apparently you do need to get adequate daylight every day whilst taking this, something which was difficult for me to do given I was not really getting a lunch break so wasn't able to go outside.

So I came off it, and my mood was steady. There's been a few times when I've taken it for a week to steady myself out. It's really helped me.

But that's just opinion, and personal experience, do your research about it Katie, you will find some information saying it can be dangerous whereas other people absolutely swear by it. See what you think.

But that is also where diet comes in, look for foods that naturally raise your serotonin levels.

I hope that helps a bit

Brighton_belle

krlyr wrote: »

If you find money influences your decision a lot, could you set yourself a 'luxuries' budget? OH and I have £100 each we allow ourselves to spend on anything.

This sounds a really good idea OP - if you did this, you might find you can allow yourself to be 'frivolous' with less agonising, as you will have budgeting for 'luxuries' so don't have to justify each individual spend, up to the that sum.

KatieDee

Better_Days wrote: »

It maybe that rather than something clicking into place that you find that if you try to put into effect some of the suggestions that have been made, that the change in how you feel will be a process rather than a discrete event.

I also think you are underestimating the effect that this is having on the quality of your life. The difficulty with depression is that when you most need the help (via meds, CBT, counselling, exercise whatever) is when it is the hardest to take those things forward. Please don't settle for adapting to feeling pants all the time - really things can be a lot better for you. You do deserve better.

And btw - your choosing tomatoes anecdote made me laugh out loud. But it is an excellent example of how crippling depression can be.....where even minor decisions seem to be insurmountable.

Thank you...I think it's very easy to just suck it up and move on when you're feeling down. I've had this mindset since I was about 18 so I've just gotten used to it. I shouldn't just make-do though!

bagpussbear wrote: »

lol at the wine and choc comment :rotfl:

I got on very well with the 5HTP (you can buy it from Holland and Barrett or online).

Obviously I won't say if I recommend it, as I'm not a doctor nor do I know of any other medication you might be on, but I will tell you of my experience and see how you feel.

It took it when I found myself going a little downhill (again) but I had really struggled to get off antidepressants, and had counselling (which helped me a lot) so I really felt I would be letting myself down if I went back on them again.

I felt a difference within 3 days of taking it, not any sort of 'high' or excitement but a general sense of well being, that actually things were going to be ok, I felt interested in other's day to day conversations, I thought about buying a couple of tops for work - silly little things like that that made me a bit more interested in the world around me.

Downside after a month was I felt quite sleepy during the day, not good in an office environment! I consulted advice on a mental health forum and apparently you do need to get adequate daylight every day whilst taking this, something which was difficult for me to do given I was not really getting a lunch break so wasn't able to go outside.

So I came off it, and my mood was steady. There's been a few times when I've taken it for a week to steady myself out. It's really helped me.

But that's just opinion, and personal experience, do your research about it Katie, you will find some information saying it can be dangerous whereas other people absolutely swear by it. See what you think.

But that is also where diet comes in, look for foods that naturally raise your serotonin levels.

I hope that helps a bit

Thank you for sharing your experiences...I'll have a read up and see if it will suit me. Sometimes just knowing you're being given a bit of a hand can make you feel miles better!

It really is fantastic to be a part of this forum and receive support from so many people. I already feel much better about things and have a bit of a plan going forward. Thank you so much for your kind words and if I find the magic cure, I promise I'll come back and tell you all

*max*

Regarding the spending money thing, I'm terrible for it too. I don't have much money, but the way I agonize over purchases that aren't strictly necessary is sometimes ridiculous! lol Funny enough, I have no problem spending for other people, but for myself...anything over, say, 20 quid and I have to weigh the pros and cons, try to find discount codes, look up endless reviews...etc. It's just a habit, but I don't think it's the worse one to have really, as long as you still treat yourself from time to time. The way I see it, anything I buy after so much consideration gives me much more satisfaction than if I just constantly bought anything that took my fancy.

I just haggled for my internet and TV for example, and got a very good deal, so I'm very happy about that! lol Especially since I haven't had TV for a couple of years. I'm never stepping outside again now.

krlyr

KatieDee wrote: »

We do have Netflix but my partner and I have a very different taste in films. I'm happy with classics such as Ace Ventura Pet Detective (:rotfl:) and Shawshank Redemption, where as he is more...avant garde??

Same here..we tend to take it in turns to pick, that way we both get something we like and then we both get something a bit new. And I save the real bad chick flicks for the nights he's away with work (or on the Netflix app on my phone in the bath!)

Better_Days

Just to add - my experience of anti depressants. They weren't 'happy pills' but they did stabilise my mood so that I felt I could cope. That period of stability and relief from the really low periods which washed over me like black waves of despair allowed me to build up emotional strength so that I could come off the meds.

One other thing - this may not be depression. The second time I was prescribed anti-depressants they didn't work - and it was because I wasn't depressed - I was eventually diagnosed with a neurological illness. I did have very low energy levels and as a result I was thoroughly fed up as it went on for years, but I wasn't depressed. As my GP said afterwards there is a difference between being !!!!ed off and being depressed.

So just be aware that there is a danger of ending up in a cul de sac of a diagnosis of depression. This is why it may be worth going to your GP and get yourself checked out. Ask for blood tests to check thyroid function, and all the other normal bloods. Your GP may recommend meds but at the end of the day it is your decision. Healthcare should be patient focussed and patient led.

BigAunty

view wrote: »

It's all about retraining and living in the 'moment'. I've lost the art, so many others do this without thinking, it comes naturally. I can almost guarantee the more you practice this, the more you'll enjoy what you do when you're in the 'thick' of it.

I agree with this - perhaps the OP would benefit from trying practices like mindfulness, meditation and yoga, for example, that emphasise how to live in the present moment rather than dwell on the past or worry about the future, finding joy in small moments, etc.

The first time I tried meditation and yoga, I didn't enjoy either, but coming back, experimenting with different types, meant I have found the best ones for me. Mindfulness also helps with promoting a more productive kind of attention, stopping the mind from wandering.

I have an interest in these and secular Buddhism (Buddhism as a philosophy, guide for life, way of living rather than as religion - many people believe the original Buddha was producing a template of how a civilisation should live and how to be happy and not founding a religion).

The OP has a misplaced belief, in my opinion, that she needs to 'do' whereas the above practices are about how to 'be' - how to enjoy the current moment, be happy with what you've got, accepting different moods and thoughts as fighting or resisting them causes extra problems, not getting dragged down in negative thought patterns and so forth.

They can teach you how to stop clinging onto things and experiences but also how not to flee from them too - promoting equanimity (emotional balance), mental calm, reducing restlessness, helping to provide insight into negative thought patterns, stop being judgemental, increase compassion, and so on.

I wouldn't say I 'enjoyed' my Vipassana meditation course but having little to do other than sit on a mat for up to 10 hours a day for 10 days, which is actually extremely mentally and physically gruelling, does show a person how much 'doing' masks mental chaos.

Activities are stripped away and then the person is exposed to their naked thought patterns and you get to see how they run amok (the 'monkey mind'). The whole point of this particular style of 'insight' meditation is to equip the person to understand how the mind can be tamed and how to eradicate the causes of suffering.

Also, one of the primary aims of meditation is to increase compassion (by reducing the amount of time and mental space given to self delusion, greed and hatred), and compassion towards others helps to promote happiness.

mountainofdebt

I'm wondering if its more of you being attracted to the 'thrill of the chase'.

So when you start to plan to do something you're all fired up and raring to go but once you've gathered all the equipment or on you're way, you're now bored with it, and too busy planning the next project etc to really fully appreciate the project you're supposed to be concentrating on?

What about if you forced yourself to see something through to the end and did the best you could do in that particular project?

aggypanthus

Katie, simply be kind to yourself as you are worth it.
is there something in your upbringing , giving you this attitude to treating yourself?
I have always been frugal, careful, and would feel I didnt deserve nice things, but since my breast cancer recently, I decided not to care, I am worth it, and I shall have cake, chocolate and new clothes, and Yes, I will buy both types of tomatos!
Go for a coffee and cake.
do you like children? Who cant be uplifted by a childs smile and giggle? Borrow one for a few hours.