cheating - what now?

Almo

OP, here's some advice:

You must still have some feelings for your husband - by your admission you're still sleeping with him. You OWE him. So, cut off contact with this other man, for perhaps 6 months. During this time, you need to make a go at your marriage. Every time you think about the other man, put him out of your mind. Do what you can to put the spark back into your marriage and fall in love with your husband again. Your husband deserves that at the very least.

After 6 months, evaluate the situation based on you and your feelings towards your husband only. If you are no longer in love, and cannot see a future for the relationship, move out. Focus on yourself and your life. Assess what you want. Take some time just to be you, and be single again.

If, at this point, the other man is still what you want, well take some time to date him and get to know him provided he has been honest and upfront with his wife.

See where that goes.

My point is, if you do leave your husband it ought to be because that relationship is no longer viable, not because someone else has come along.

Now, I'd hazard a guess that the second you tell this other man you want nothing to do with him for 6 months, he'll be gone so fast that his back is just a blur.

For the record, I think what you're doing is awful. This man doesn't love you. As someone else said, you only heard from him again when he came back to his old job - it's not as if he was doing everything in his power to contact you when he had moved away.

Also, to other posters: the OP seems to want someone to tell her what to do. That's why the moralising and judgement is needed - she clearly doesn't have the strength to do it herself. There are plenty of people out there who are the same, who can't make decisions without being told what to do.

virgin_moneysaver

I would say to both the OP & feeling good - there are 2 threads running on here from wives & children being cheated on, denise & poppyscorner, try reading them & maybe you'll both stop being so selfish - what is wrong with people these days! - some people think they 'deserve' something & have to have it, blow to any consequences & who gets hurt & some people will not take responsibility for their own actions

I've been with my husband since my teens & this year we celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary - I've occasionally wondered what it would be like with someone else, & I've had opportunity if I had wanted to take it - but I've had self control, respect for my husband, respect for my kids, & just as important, self respect.

wendywitch

KittyKate wrote: »

I know you're not looking for a moral talk but I think what you're doing is absolutely disgusting.

If he loves you, how is his wife pregnant? Do you think he uses the same lines with her? Why is he sleeping with you both? Do you honestly think he loves you - after all, he left the first time, and is only sleeping with you now because he had to return for his job. It sounds like a convenient sh*g to me.

If you're not happy with your husband then deal with that as a seperate matter. You're not just looking at potentially destroying your marriage and kids' feelings you're also looking at destroying your lover's and his unborn child's.

If a woman did this to you you'd have some choice names for her. I'm sorry, but I have little sympathy - even if you think you love this man, back off, his wife is pregnant. What has she ever done to you? Back off - if you don't offer it on a plate, I very much doubt he'd leave his wife and kid, and that says a lot.

Sorry all if this seems harsh but I've seen far too many relationships ruined and kids hearts broken by greedy, dishonest men and selfish women.

Sorry I have to agree here Kittykate has said everything I think too

Stephb1986_2

wendywitch wrote: »

Sorry I have to agree here Kittykate has said everything I think too

I agree with Kittykate too, have you not even thought of what it will do to your own children never mind his and his unborn one! do you really think he will leave his pregnant wife for you? i dont think so.

And if he's cheated on his wife he will only do the same to you.

Steph

feedumall

kittykate is spot on why oh why do people think it is fine to destroy innocent peoples lives:mad: .a man who cheated ,got his wife pregnant and still carried on with his bit on the side.i would not wish him on my worst enemy,and have to much self respect to let myself be treated like this shame on you ,ok if you dont love your husband then sort it out not cheat on him with a work mate ,i married very young have been married 33yrs ,very much in love ,but even if i did'nt love my husband i would have more respect for him than you are showing your partner.

mymatebob

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I agree with Kittykate too, have you not even thought of what it will do to your own children never mind his and his unborn one! do you really think he will leave his pregnant wife for you? i dont think so.

And if he's cheated on his wife he [STRIKE]will only[/STRIKE]MAY do the same to you.

Steph

Maybe he will and maybe he won't, just speculation on your part.

feedumall

not speculation pregnant wife,having a affair with workmates wife ,not a good prospect for happy ever after is it

pantsdr

I dont understand why some of the posters insist on softening the blow/fluffing out the pillows for the OP. Everybody from the age of 6 onwards knows about right and wrong, and clearly this is very wrong SIMPLE. she knows what she ought to do, should have done from the start. But yet wants us to say 'there, there it'll all get better, you'l live happily ever after'. AS IF.

There's my advice.

feedumall

pantsdr:T :T :T :T

poet123

To be honest I can never understand why posters pose this kind of question. We all know right from wrong,so we dont need any input from others. Whatever the mittigating circumstances the OP considers exist,it is still wrong. She knows that, we know that...end of story.