cheating - what now?

pantsdr

melancholly wrote: »

i suggest everyone typing in insults goes back to their prefect little lives where they never do anything wrong..... :rolleyes: because clearly they must be whiter than white themselves since they are so keen to cast stones.

Just to finish cos i'm bored quite frankly of this thread and the cotton wool clan that sit on the fence. Ive not thrown insults, nor have I professed that I am any sort of moral angel. I 'offered advice' without being nasty now its up to the OP to deal with the consequences of her own actions be they what she expects, wants or not.

calleyw

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Sorry Calleyw - I wasn't suggesting that your husband would lie to you - apols if you took my post that way x - was just making the point that a lot of men would say the same and not be sincere :mad:

I did not take it that way.

And yes you are right there are a lot of men and woman out there who say that sort thing all the time.

Yours


Calley

CB1979_2

I LOVE MSE

You Women Rock!!!

galvanizersbaby

CB1979 wrote: »

I LOVE MSE

You Women Rock!!!

CB1979 - are you male or female - you seem male today but some of your other posts seem female - or do you share a userid?:D

CB1979_2

i am indeed MALE! lol

just makes me laugh how people take things so seriously and personal on an internet forum.

and once you girls get on sides all hell breaks loose!

galvanizersbaby

CB1979 wrote: »

i am indeed MALE! lol

just makes me laugh how people take things so seriously and personal on an internet forum.

and once you girls get on sides all hell breaks loose!

Sorry - no offence intended!

I can't believe this thread's still going tbh with no sign of the op - I expect she will have left the husband and kids and the pregnant wife will have had the baby before people stop posting on this one - certainly something a lot of people have got heated about :rotfl:

KittyKate

I've been reading through this thread; and I have to say I am glad that there are people out there who agree with my (admittedly harsh) initial posts on the matter.

AT NO POINT have I directed a personal insult at the OP nor have I wished any ill on her. This is an internet forum - all opinions are welcome - and my opinion is based on morals, and experience (I have been cheated on - not by my current partner, I hasten to add, or I'd never marry him!). It hurts and the hurt never quite goes away. I trust my fiance implicitly, but I find it quite hard to make friends with women now, as I see many 'loose' women out there (women who go out there and just take what they want and damn the outcome). Of course, men are to blame too, but it's all too easy to say 'it takes two to tango'. WHEN will someone, anyone, admit liability, control themselves?

If I had any problems in my relationship or life I'd deal with them - not go an sleep with another man. What does that achieve? Women who run away with another man are running out on themselves really. Your problems are not solved by running away, your new man doesn't 'understand you' more, your loyalty should be, and always be, to your husband, that is, until a time you decide he will no longer be your husband (and inform him of the fact...)

Having an affair isn't an escape in the long-term nor is it a 'try before you buy' scenario. Having your husband as a catch-net is so utterly disrespectful. If you're unsure, if you still love him, then TALK TO HIM. You made your marriage vows for better and for worse. Bl**dy stick to them!

I have at no point launched a personal attack on anyone and will never. I am unhappy with another poster's suggestion that posters like myself should go back to our perfect lives - no, my life is far from perfect. I have a lot of pain. But rather than turn my back on my partner I work WITH him - that's what a partnership is. I could never imagine lying or cheating on the one person who means the absolute world to me.

I've seen a LOT of excuses on here - my personal belief is that there are NO excuses for an affair. There are reasons to split up, yes - reasons to talk, reasons to get help - but NEVER valid excuses to go out and sleep with another man and lie to your husband. Ever.

Sorry for the long post - as you can all probably tell I feel extremely passionate about the matter - and when children are involved, all the more. I might offend the OP or other posters with my views, but I will never attack anyone. Morals apply in all walks of life.

BallandChain

feelinggood wrote: »

I've not read the rest of the thread, just wanted to answer a question asked.

How did I end up having an affair? The relationship with my husband is very complicated. We started 'going out' when I was 14 and he was 27. I was sexually abused as a kid, and didn't have a clue about healthy relationships. OH is a decent man, but wasn't prepared for the ups and downs of a young and emotionally unstable girlfriend. We had a bit of a shared encounter with another woman, which left him feeling hurt (turns out she wanted me and only me) and so he had a retalitory affair. He kept it secret for over a year, and then brought it up to hurt me. I forgave him. The deception hurt, I remember all the lies and times when he was missing. Following the hurt, I managed to stay faithful until we married. After 10 months or so of marriage, we moved 250 miles away. I was lonely (but in denial - didn't want to admit I 'needed' people) I started looking for 'something'. A lot of tears later, we sat down and worked things out. No more cheating for a while, until we decided to have a bit of 'fun' seperately. With OHs consent, met 'the other guy'. Both married, we discussed it and agreed that it was just a bit of fun - no emotion. Little did we know we'd fall for each other. And thats how I ended up in this big mess

Oo-er. :eek: