cheating - what now?

spacecommander

CB1979 wrote: »

i don't do bashing, as soon as i post it's forgotten about there's nothing personal in anything i say on any internet forum.

also in theory the boards are for help but that's not always the case and ALOT of judgement happens, just some people have selective viewing of what threads are "helped" and which are "judged".

end of the day you don't know me & i don't know you, so never take anything to heart, it can never be personal between strangers on the internet

Yes, maybe people do have selective views of what threads are helped and judged, I don't think its hard to see whats happening on this one.

No I don't know you, I have visions of some form of beast sitting at a computer right now, however, maybe thats my imagination playing up....:D

Glad to see you don't do bashing, I'll take my hard helmet off now then...

completelyspent

I'm not sure if this has been suggested yet but have you thought about getting a job elsewhere? That removes you from having to see this other man on a daily basis and will give you some breathing space and a fresh perspective on everything. Maybe you are bored of life and think that it is your marriage which is the problem, when in fact it might be that you need to meet new people/have different challenges.

Glen0000

emmy05 wrote: »

was she planning on running away with this other person, or was it just an affair? i think theres a huge difference between the 2 tbh, and gd for you for staying together, i know i wouldnt be lol x

She thought the sun shone out of his !!!! and was "in love" with him. She now sees him for the lying !!!!! he is. He would have run a mile if she had actually packed her bags. Much like the OP's bloke. Most blokes will say any old !!!! to get their leg over. I hope to God the OP sees sence.

You say you wouldn't stay together, but when it actually happens you feel different. Losing my family would have broken me. The thought of my kid living in a broken home made me feel physcially sick. I could not do that too her, however much I hurt at the time.

floss2

Glen0000 wrote: »

You didn't brake your vows, your husband did.

My wife cheated on me 5 years ago. We are still together. it is not has not been easy, but better than divorce. I love her more now than the day I married her and she feels the same.

!!!! happens. It is how you deal with it that makes you a better person. People run away too easily thesedays.

We did stay together - for another 5 years......after renewing our vows, moving house twice & changing job to change his working environment. In fact he cheated again - with another colleague - and I wouldn't put up with it a second time.

floss2

Dippychick wrote: »

I agree - no staying power.

All made too easy by the Solicitors and money grabbers :mad:

I wish I had been a money grabber - I couldn't get a mortgage because he defaulted when he left & the BS started repossession proceedings, so me & the kids were forced to live with my mum. I got £2k settlement and no house after 15 years of marriage..... but i got the kids

And the solicitors bill would have been smaller if he hadn't kept moving house & not telling his solicitor...:rolleyes:

galvanizersbaby

emmy05 wrote: »

was she planning on running away with this other person, or was it just an affair? i think theres a huge difference between the 2 tbh, and gd for you for staying together, i know i wouldnt be lol x

I think it's great that Glenn0000 and his wife have managed to deal with the affair and stay together but I wouldn't want to suggest that anyone who walks away from a partner who is cheating on them in a marriage has no staying power - I think there are too many other factors to take in to account.
It's an old saying/stereotype but in my case a leopard never changes it's spots - my ex is in a new relationship now with a lovely woman and I know he is cheating on her - feel a bit sorry for her as she doesn't deserve it, I didn't think I did either but only now tbh have I really stopped wondering if it was my fault - feel I can just be relieved that it's not me in that situ anymore. He is a good father to our children, I don't dislike him now - just glad I made the decision to end the marriage

emmy05

i can see what youre saying, and tbh i have had it happen to me before, and i didnt stick around, why should i try to save the relationship when he couldnt be bothered anyway? im not a malicious person, but i dont waste my time on ppl who cant be bothered to play fair. id also have to look at myself and think im pretty worthless if im going to stick around with someone whos cheated anyway, but thats me.

shellsuit

I haven't been cheated on (there is a poster who I think assumes, because of some harsh replies, that I/we have been cheated on) but I was deceived for many many months a couple of years ago, which led to us splitting up.

We're now back together, I forgave which suprisingly was easy, but it's not as easy to forget.

If you are not happy in a relationship, isn't it wise to sort that out before contemplating an affair?

What happened to talking, instead of sneaking about behind partners backs and then trying to justify it by saying you're not happy in your relationship?!

I don't understand how anyone has the brass neck to have an affair while they are going home to their partners and pretending everything is rosey, let alone carry on sleeping with them.

I hope the people who are having/have had affairs, used protection, because if not and you were still sleeping or are still sleeping with your partner....well, that's just the lowest of the low thing anyone can do to someone else, it's scum.

galvanizersbaby

Glen0000 wrote: »

You say you wouldn't stay together, but when it actually happens you feel different. Losing my family would have broken me. The thought of my kid living in a broken home made me feel physcially sick. I could not do that too her, however much I hurt at the time.

I'm glad your wife saw sense Glenn0000 - you sound like a great husband and dad!
It was the thought of our 2 children that made me put up with the cheating in my case - my ex hubbie didn't want to be a part time dad and the kids mean everything to him - had to admit that it was a shame he hadn't thought of that sooner in the end though :rolleyes:

feelinggood_2

CB1979 wrote: »

so basically you don't want to be on your own claiming benefits.

how exactly have you stayed cos of guilt??
the guilt is caused by you shagging around

I'm still with him because I feel guilty for thinking about leaving. I was 17 when I took my vows, and at the time, I really did think this was forever. I didn't know how much I'd change. I feel guilty for cheating, but I feel even more guilty for considering ending the relationship - especially when he says that he'd never even look for another partner if I left him.

Someone asked if I was the OP, no, I'm not, I'm just someone in a similar situation.

And someone asked about me being cheated on - my husband cheated on me quite early in our relationship. It helped him cope with difficult emotions, and I'm not angry anymore. I understand his reasons, and forgave.

I'm not with him so I don't have to claim benefits. I'm with my husband because I do care about him, and want to try and save our marriage. However, I am desperately unhappy, and 'the other guy' gives me something to live for.