Selfish Husband- is his behaviour normal??

pinkpong

veryskint - You have just got to kiss quite a few frogs before you find a prince

Has that worked for you then?


Sorry couldn`t resist it.

completelyspent

pinkpong wrote: »

Sound like my husband, he never helped infackt the opposite. When my youngest one was screaming in the night (from 0 up to 7years old)and he did that most nights and days , he would run in his bedroom and beat him up & shout in his face. I had to physicaly stand in the doorway and block him ( he would never hit me though). I got very depressed and spent 3 years on antidepresants as I just could not sleep , eat or relax. I lots 3 stones in 3 months, I used to dream of killing myself. I know you`ll think I should have left, but it is very hard when they keep telling that you are no good and lazy etc.. Kids was classed as my job!
Once I left for a short holiday and he had to cope with the kids, this opened his eyes for a bit.

What I am trying to say that your hubby is unlikely to change if you leave him be like this, you will never get any help. You going on short hols. and leaving him with you DD might make him realise what`s involved. Most men don`t see things needs to be done they have to be told, obviously politly.

I found that I have to come up infront of him, ask him and stand there untill he does something.
There are some lovely men who do anything for their lovely wife, but I haven`t worked out yet ,how to get mine to do nice things for me. Perhaps I need a plastick surgery and blond hair, I am OK with boobs.

I hope you get your life sorted and be happier.

You don't need plastic surgery and blonde hair, you need a man who respects you for what you are and what you do.
You are worth more than that behvaiour.

Lunar_Eclipse

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, but I also don't think it warrants an 'immediate marriage over' response either. Obviously one makes a long term commitment when getting married.

So I suggest you talk to him and ask him why he doesn't help, espcially when you really need him to. There must be a reason.

But I'm also wondering why you felt you needed to do laundry at 1am and stay up most of the night cleaning the room, especially if you thought your daughter was ill and your husband incapable of looking after her? Why could it not wait until the morning, after a quick rinse through of the bedding in the bathroom? Unless you were so angry with your husband and thus trying to make a point (very understandable), I don't personally think that behaviour was rational either given the circumstances.

Also, some people are very hard to wake up at night! I would physically have to go and get hubbie to help me when one of ours is sick. Which brings me to my final point: 'Man Rules' that my beloved e-mailed me recently - ask specifically for what you want/need help with. I was gutted that my incredibly intelligent and caring husband needed such basic communication/instruction. So at his request, I give him direct requests that cannot be misunderstood. Not hints, they don't work. He simply doesn't notice all the jobs that need doing around the house, nor can he read my mind. Sad but true.

belfastgirl23

I've been following this thread with interest and have been debating with myself whether to post this. But I guess you asked for opinions and in for a penny in for a pound.

I kind of think you need to stop thinking about your husband and start thinking about yourself, for all sorts of reasons. What's coming across for me from your posts is that you're feeling pretty sorry for yourself and seeing yourself as your husband's victim. Believe me when I tell you I have been there myself but it is so self-destructive that you have to drag yourself out of it. All it does is lock you in a cycle of passive aggressive behaviour which is very negative both for your own self confidence and for your relationship.

I'm not saying this to hurt you but believe me once you realise that you have choices and can take control it makes a huge difference to how you feel. You need to recognise that you have made choices and can still make choices. You don't have to accept behaviour that you find wrong. You might choose to accept it. Or you might choose to take it up with him but that does mean you have to follow through. Up until now you have been choosing to accept it. I know you might reject this suggestion and say that you had no choice but you always have a choice. You could have left the sheets and apologised to the hotel the next day and offered to pay extra. You could have dumped the dirty sheets on his head. Or just left and let him deal with the problem. Ask yourself why instead you chose to sit in a launderette at the dead of night. Were you doing it to make a point? My experience with men is that this never ever works, they feel manipulated which means they can then afford to ignore anything said afterwards.

Anyway I've gone on long enough. Of course you need to figure it out for yourself. But I'd implore you to think about this since I didn't feel truly happy till I recognised my part in the problems I'd had and realised that I needed to take some responsiblity for solving them, blaming DH and casting myself as a martyr was never going to work for the relationship.

lisawaters

I would suggest he has depression. He won't get help but you should talk to your GP.

There's something basically wrong with the relationship.