Selfish Husband- is his behaviour normal??

maggirl

Im not going to put up with it anymore...it won't happens again. And as for sending a message to my little girl, well, I'm not sending any message other than I love her and care for her when she is sick??.... what message is he sending? that he is not a caring dad? Thats not my fault!

Perhaps I phrased the original question wrongly, I was just wondering if it was commonplace for men in particular to be so sluggish through sleep that they can't respond in a "normal" way. Or if he was just being a s**t, which is the more likely explaination.

Thanks.

Mojisola

maggirl wrote: »

And as for sending a message to my little girl, well, I'm not sending any message other than I love her and care for her when she is sick??.... what message is he sending? that he is not a caring dad? Thats not my fault!

Unfortunately the message your little girl may be picking up is that it is normal for a man to treat a woman and child so badly and that could affect who she accepts as a partner when she is grown up.

You and your daughter deserve better than this man.

poppyolivia

maggirl wrote: »

Im not going to put up with it anymore...it won't happens again. And as for sending a message to my little girl, well, I'm not sending any message other than I love her and care for her when she is sick??.... what message is he sending? that he is not a caring dad? Thats not my fault!

Perhaps I phrased the original question wrongly, I was just wondering if it was commonplace for men in particular to be so sluggish through sleep that they can't respond in a "normal" way. Or if he was just being a s**t, which is the more likely explaination.

Thanks.

Ohhh its defo not your fault thats for sure.....good luck Maggil and best wishes for the future, your daughter is lucky to have a mum like you!

frugallass

maggirl wrote: »

he was just being a s**t, which is the more likely explaination.

Thanks.

exactly - your little one may not have picked up on daddy's inability to become involved when there is parenting to be done, it sounds like the situation was traumatic enough for her to worry about daddy too! As long as she gets loads of love from mummy then that's the important thing for her.

daphne_descends

Oh there is no doubt he is a selfish sh*t. He sounds horrible, not helping you when your daughter was sick - who does he think he is that it's not part of his job as a parent?

But by putting up with it - your daughter will learn from your behaviour. So I hope for you and her sake you really don't put up with it anymore. Tell him to get his act together, you are both parents, and this sort of thing should be shared - you are also his wife, why on earth wouldn't he want to help you?

But really people do only treat you in ways they are allowed to. My partner would not even dream of pulling a stunt like that. I wake him up in the night if our son needs calpol (teething!) because he is better at giving it than I am. I could do it myself, but no, we are a team, giving calpol is his job, and if I have to be up, so does he. He would be more annoyed with me if I didn't wake him up.

maryjanethespider

Why were you trying to do two things at once?

Sort the child out THEN sort out the mess, it seems allthough your husband is a total ****er you sound like you panic a bit and get flustered with mess and a poorly child.

Mess can wait until you are sure you child is ok and stopped being sick etc etc.

As for the husband, a nice laced cup of tea with laxatives or peice of under cooked chicken then conveniently sleep through it.......

Chollita

I agree, you do sound like you panic a bit, but dealing with these little dramas is part of being a parent! So when it happens, try to take a deep breath, and do what needs to be done.

Must say, your OH sounds like an hijo de puta (there, I'll do the swearing for everyone!)

pww2004

I agree with BillScarab et al, not (hopefully) maletypical behaviour and completly bang out of order. In our house the only reason OH deals with more in the middle of the night is she is a light sleeper and I would miss the final call.

For me, if ANYONE needed help like you did I would do my best to help, but unfortunately nowadays all males have to be careful because of possible accusations

pww2004

I agree with BillScarab et al, not (hopefully) male typical behaviour and completly bang out of order. In our house the only reason OH deals with more in the middle of the night is she is a light sleeper and I would miss the final call.

For me, if ANYONE needed help like you did I would do my best to help, but unfortunately nowadays all males have to be careful because of possible accusations

*Louise*

maggirl wrote: »

Thanks everyone, especially the blokes who have replied. Its nice to know there are some decent ones out there who DO care about their families!

I reckon you would find that the majority of men are decent and help out. It's just the minority of not so good ones that we are more likley to hear about.

I know for a fact if I was in a similar situation, my OH would have been the one cleaning off the dirty sheets. If any of our kids are sick, he usually cleans it while I clean and comfort the little one. Our 3 year old has had night terrors for 6 months - and my OH has done his fair share of going through at 2am and stroking his head to calm him down.


maggirl - you know that something isn't right in your relationship. I'm not going to advise you to dump him or anything because people have to make their own choices. Whether you are going to be able to talk to him and sort things out, or whether he is depressed...you know him better than any of us.

The only advice I can give is for you to ask yourself.....what is going to be best for your daughter?

I wish you all the best

(((hugs)))