Selfish Husband- is his behaviour normal??

maggirl

Hi, haven't posted here before but just wanted to get a "feel" for if Im being unreasonable or over the top in what I expect from my husband.

In general day to day life he is quite a self centred person, but sometimes he does things that I feel are so selfish that I don't quite know how to deal with him and my feelings towards him when he does this.

He has never been very helpful with my little girl, after she was born I had mild post natal depression (although I didnt realise this at the time) He didn't help with anything, no help around the house, no night time feeds, very little help with the baby at all, and this has continued.....she is now 4 years old.

She is a lovely child, but there are the inevitable times when she is ill during the night or sick and he never ever helps, just leaves it all to me. A few incidents really stick in my head, one in particular, not so long ago, when she was being sick in the night and I was trying to stop her being sick and cuddle her, but try and clean up too and I was crying and begging him to help me, as I couldn't manage to hold her and clean her up, and do all the other things one handed, like getting her some water to sip or extra towels, etc I just needed a helping hand and he just completely ignored me and carried on sleeping, just leaving me to it on my own.

On Saturday night, something similar happened. We were staying away from home, in a centre parcs type place (lodges set in woods etc) my little girl had a lovely day but HE was in a bad mood for some reason and went to bed early (at 9.30) while I watched a film. I went to bed at 10.30 but heard a funny noise in my girls room, she had wet the bed and messed it as well. She was sitting up, half asleep, just about to start crying. This was really really unusual, she has never ever done anything like this before, she must have picked up a tummy bug. So I was in a panic, shouting for him, grabbed her, tried to clean her up (she was crying,obviously, and shivering and really upset as I had to get her clothes off to wipe her down) and I was also trying to (one handed) get the sheets and mess off the bed. I called him at least five times to come and please help me, and I know he heard me, as he was telling me to be quiet and just get on and sort it out, and I had to stop calling him as my little girl was getting more upset when he wasnt coming to help. Once I had cleaned her up, the warmest place was to pop her into my bed (next to him) he just woke a bit, then got annoyed with me as I was asking him if he had any pound coins for the laundry! I ended up having to root around the car in the dark looking for loose change then stand in the freezing laundry on my own at 1am washing the sheets and mess while he had a nice sleep. He didnt even ask when I got back from the laundry if everything was Ok, or if my little girl was OK, or even get up to make me a cup of tea (which I would have done for him).

As I stayed up most of the night to get the bedroom clean I was shattered this morning but this morning he was making out it wasnt such a big deal and could not understand why I might be annoyed with him for not getting up at all to help me. His attitude is, well its sorted out now so why make such a fuss?

Am I being unreasonable?

Curv

maggirl wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable?

You already know the answer to that, don't you?

FWIW, your husband's behaviour was disgusting and if I were in your shoes, I'd be thinking about how much easier my life would be without him in it.

BillScarab

No, he is. I don't know what else to say really but it takes two to have a child and it should be both of you caring fro your daughter and bringing her up.

I'm trying to think what my wife's reaction would be if I tried this.

tinkerbell84

Curv wrote: »

You already know the answer to that, don't you?

FWIW, your husband's behaviour was disgusting and if I were in your shoes, I'd be thinking about how much easier my life would be without him in it.

:T :T

Why do you put up with it, OP?

frugallass

First of all,you are not being unreasonable at all - don't let him make you think you are.

You refer to your wee one as 'my little girl' not 'our little girl' - does his behaviour make you feel that you are the only parent in this relationship or was she the result of a previous relationship?

You need to establish what his problem is - what is he like when it is just you and him together? Have you approached him in a subtle way, to see if there is something bothering him?

Be strong x

poppyolivia

Please don't think I'm being horrible but why the hell are you with him? You would be better off as a single parent! He sounds like a right lazy sod...what will your wee lass think with the way he behaves and with mum getting upset????? You deserve more than that!

maggirl

Thanks! I know he is a selfish so and so and this is the final straw.

I can handle him being selfish with me, but not my little girl.

Sometimes his behaviour is so bad that I wonder if it is just me being hysterical, I was wondering if it was a sleep thing, i.e. that once he is asleep he finds it difficult to be woken up but this is no excuse.

Thanks for confirming what I already was thinking, it helps to have a second (or multiple!) opinion.

shellsuit

If that was my OH, he would have been wearing the dirty sheets over his head!

What planet is he on, hearing you and your daughter in distress and struggling asking for his help?

Do you do anything with your husband without your daughter, like a night out every so often? Is he selfish in other ways or is it always to do with your daughter?

Sounds like he resents her to be honest

elainew

I would have rubbed the dirty bedding in his face!

jinky67

Unfortunately the swear filter wont let me say what I want......
he is possibly the most ignorant/selfish/self centred man I have never known.:mad:
Why and how on Earth have you put up with this for this length of time?

davetrousers

maggirl wrote: »

He has never been very helpful with my little girl,

I take it he is not the father.