Daughter getting bullied

veryskint_3

!!!!!!_here wrote: »

I think you need to tell your daughter to tell the nearest available teacher immediately every time something happens, it will be mentioned in the Staff Room and the other girl will become known to all the teachers. They are more likely to act based upon the child's upset at the time than comments from parents well after the event.

Thanks for your reply. My daughter has been told to do this and does sometimes but when she is telling teachers that this girl is "telling people to not be her friend" or "taking friends away from her" or thatshe is"crap at things" she sometimes gets told either keep away from her or stop telling tales or its not hurting you is it, depending on which teacher it is.

veryskint_3

ailuro2 wrote: »

as I said on the other thread about the boy of 6 who was being bullied, my DD goes to martial arts classes, her instructor tells them all to use the three Ps if they are being bullied - Parents, (news)Papers, Police.

Your little girl's childhood is being stolen away because of another parent failing to take control of their child, that must be heartbreaking for you, I'd get together with a few other parents and complain about the situation as a group to see if it helps any.


My nine year old DD's martial art is 'Kupso' which is very self defence based, but uses pressure points and locks to inflict pain to any attacker and control their ability to hit you.It gives you great confidence to stand up to people too. (I do it too now, and I feel I am a lot more confident in situations where I would have felt threatened before)

Some of Kupso is Tae Kwon Do based, which I know is more widespread in class availability than Kupso.
Pressure points are great little things for inflicting severe pain without appearing to have done anything - there's no punching involved - so hard to see! play the bully at her own game!.
Locks can swiftly turn a person round to face the ground but can be very simple to apply, and a verbal warning that next time she'll rip her whole arm off if she doesn't leave her alone might be what is needed to give her peace.Of course I'm not suggesting she do that, but sometimes your DD will have to use some acting skills to get the message home.

Thanks so much that is an excellent idea will see what i can do;)

veryskint_3

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

Thank you so much for your kind words .
By the way if you aren't already I would keep a diary of all the incidences of bullying this girl is doing towards your child. It may make the board listen more if there is a record of all of it but as I said I wouldn’t trust them to do anything. You never know though it might make their ears stick up and listen. If you do the diary and they do nothing if you can write to the local paper about their stance on bullying. Might make you feel better if nothing else :rotfl: .

If you need someone to talk to im always on here. I was bullied at school (primary) but was previously in an abusive relationship with mental abuse, but now NO-ONE gets the better of me. My husband told the headteacher that if nothing was going to change soon he would go over her head to the lea or the local paper. And believe me he will, he is the most laid back person but when rattled hes like a terrier:D

veryskint_3

Dill wrote: »

Sounds like a nightmare family! But even if the girl's mother is unwilling to do anything about her kids' behaviour(for whatever reason?!), it's very frustrating that the school are being a bit defeatist about it too.
The child has learned this behaviour from somewhere, and however manipulative and clever she is, they really shouldn't let a nine-year-old run rings around them!

They are. But i could sort the little monster out in a week or so.;)

Older_but_not_wiser_2

ailuro2 wrote: »

as I said on the other thread about the boy of 6 who was being bullied, my DD goes to martial arts classes, her instructor tells them all to use the three Ps if they are being bullied - Parents, (news)Papers, Police.

Your little girl's childhood is being stolen away because of another parent failing to take control of their child, that must be heartbreaking for you, I'd get together with a few other parents and complain about the situation as a group to see if it helps any.


My nine year old DD's martial art is 'Kupso' which is very self defence based, but uses pressure points and locks to inflict pain to any attacker and control their ability to hit you.It gives you great confidence to stand up to people too. (I do it too now, and I feel I am a lot more confident in situations where I would have felt threatened before)

Some of Kupso is Tae Kwon Do based, which I know is more widespread in class availability than Kupso.
Pressure points are great little things for inflicting severe pain without appearing to have done anything - there's no punching involved - so hard to see! play the bully at her own game!.
Locks can swiftly turn a person round to face the ground but can be very simple to apply, and a verbal warning that next time she'll rip her whole arm off if she doesn't leave her alone might be what is needed to give her peace.Of course I'm not suggesting she do that, but sometimes your DD will have to use some acting skills to get the message home.

I can vouch for the effectiveness of this form of martial art.

We are taught a version of it at work (prison), and it certainly can be very painful (I've been on the receiving end at training - ouch).

I'd also mention to the headteacher, and board of governors that if nothing seems to have been done you'll go to the local papers and inform them that their anti-bullying strategy isn't worth the paper it's written on. No one likes bad press.


If it was my own kids getting bullied, and nothing seemed to be getting done about it, I'd have a quiet word with the bullys parents, and make it clear in no uncertain terms that something better get done about it. However, I wouldn't advise that for everyone - I've got a lot of experience at diffusing conflict

veryskint_3

Older_but_not_wiser wrote: »

I can vouch for the effectiveness of this form of martial art.

We are taught a version of it at work (prison), and it certainly can be very painful (I've been on the receiving end at training - ouch).

I'd also mention to the headteacher, and board of governors that if nothing seems to have been done you'll go to the local papers and inform them that their anti-bullying strategy isn't worth the paper it's written on. No one likes bad press.


If it was my own kids getting bullied, and nothing seemed to be getting done about it, I'd have a quiet word with the bullys parents, and make it clear in no uncertain terms that something better get done about it. However, I wouldn't advise that for everyone - I've got a lot of experience at diffusing conflict

I will try that form of martial art. I have had a word with her mum about it and she hates confrontation ( including her daughter) therefore she never does anything about it.

Torby

Schools will nearly always say "they have policies in place to deal with bullying" and "its not really a problem at this school", in otherwords they only do as much as is required.

My daughter started Karate at 11 yrs old, it built her self confidence, developed her to the person she is today. She also learned that it's better to walk away when possible and ingore the taunts and threats and that makes you a stronger person.

One day in school when she was 14, there was a group of girls who were bullies and she couldn't walk away...typical girl bullies, hair pulling and scratching types....well...she had to defend herself...unfortunately the bullies were used to the hair pulling type of fights...so when the opportunity presented itself....one punch ended it there and then...one bloody nosed bully.

The school investigated and in private one teacher said "glad someone stood up to these bullies" official school line was "no bullies at this school"

In her last year (18 yrs old) a visitor came to the Scripture Union at the school...he was a British Karate Champion, he talked about his sport and enquired if anyone did marshall arts, she said she did....at dinner time they arranged a sparring match as a display...once the boys saw her they realised that her claims she did "quite well" at karate were confirmed. The British Champion commended her on her technique, also her kicks to the head were phenomenal...his words not mine.

She was currently training for her 2nd Dan ( 2nd black belt) when she left to go to university...unfortunately the club at her Uni were not disciplined enough for her, they didn't demonstrate enough respect for the Sensai or the Dojo, whats more she was one of the most qualified there!

Next year will be her last when she completes her LPC and starts in Law Practice...Karate equals inner strength, motivation , discipline and the knowledge that violence and bullying is something to be avoided...but at the risk of sounding a bit corny and quoting an old song...."when the going gets tough"

Karate, Ju Jitsu, Aikaido, Tae Kwando...any of them are good...she will make new friends, learn new disciplines...and woe betide any bullies who pick on a group of club members....you'll find the "older" ones in the club are very protective of the younger students....in fact sometimes a word from an "older" karate student works wonders!

I hope she goes for it, she will become a stronger person for it,and I wish her well

veryskint_3

Torby wrote: »

Schools will nearly always say "they have policies in place to deal with bullying" and "its not really a problem at this school", in otherwords they only do as much as is required.

My daughter started Karate at 11 yrs old, it built her self confidence, developed her to the person she is today. She also learned that it's better to walk away when possible and ingore the taunts and threats and that makes you a stronger person.

One day in school when she was 14, there was a group of girls who were bullies and she couldn't walk away...typical girl bullies, hair pulling and scratching types....well...she had to defend herself...unfortunately the bullies were used to the hair pulling type of fights...so when the opportunity presented itself....one punch ended it there and then...one bloody nosed bully.

The school investigated and in private one teacher said "glad someone stood up to these bullies" official school line was "no bullies at this school"

In her last year (18 yrs old) a visitor came to the Scripture Union at the school...he was a British Karate Champion, he talked about his sport and enquired if anyone did marshall arts, she said she did....at dinner time they arranged a sparring match as a display...once the boys saw her they realised that her claims she did "quite well" at karate were confirmed. The British Champion commended her on her technique, also her kicks to the head were phenomenal...his words not mine.

She was currently training for her 2nd Dan ( 2nd black belt) when she left to go to university...unfortunately the club at her Uni were not disciplined enough for her, they didn't demonstrate enough respect for the Sensai or the Dojo, whats more she was one of the most qualified there!

Next year will be her last when she completes her LPC and starts in Law Practice...Karate equals inner strength, motivation , discipline and the knowledge that violence and bullying is something to be avoided...but at the risk of sounding a bit corny and quoting an old song...."when the going gets tough"

Karate, Ju Jitsu, Aikaido, Tae Kwando...any of them are good...she will make new friends, learn new disciplines...and woe betide any bullies who pick on a group of club members....you'll find the "older" ones in the club are very protective of the younger students....in fact sometimes a word from an "older" karate student works wonders!

I hope she goes for it, she will become a stronger person for it,and I wish her well

Thanks i have took all the advice given on board and hopefully she will be starting karate tomorrow (thats if i can convince her to go) I hope that this will at least boost her confidence and self esteem.

Torby

Just wait til she sees everyone else all dressed up in their outfits and wearing their coloured belts and/or sashes, she'll want one!...she might be intimidated at first, but most clubs will let the kids try out for a few weeks before purchasing a Gi (white suit...lol) and if she starts to enjoy, she'll want the Gi.

My daughter was actually coaching the young ones before she left, so hopefully she'll get an instructor who understands younger students, its not all work in the clubs either, a lot of them have loads of fun playing catch, football, dodge ball etc...she may even meet other little girls she recognises but until now she hasn't actually mixed with.

good luck, I hope she enjoys it

Dick_here

veryskint wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. My daughter has been told to do this and does sometimes but when she is telling teachers that this girl is "telling people to not be her friend" or "taking friends away from her" or thatshe is"crap at things" she sometimes gets told either keep away from her or stop telling tales or its not hurting you is it, depending on which teacher it is.

Which is very demoralising for you and her, no doubt. I'd contact the Head about the teachers' attitude then, with names and examples of who told your daughter that and when, and perhaps throw in a mention of bullying being tolerated. That may wake them up to be more supportive.

Good luck.