Daughter getting bullied

veryskint_3

My daughter is 8 nearly 9 years old and has been bullied by the same girl in her class ever since they both started school at the age of 4. I have been in to school numerous times over the years and have even confronted the girls mum (who i went to school with!!) the school says every time i go in that they will deal with it and when the mum was confronted she said she would TRY and deal with it, but all the time saying "im sure my daughter doesnt do that". The girl in question has not bullied my daughter physically but she does it mentally, by chipping her confidence away and after 4 years ive had enough, she tells other kids not to invite my child to their parties (but they still do) not to be my daughters friend and pulling anyone she makes friends with away from her. Most of the girls in the class are scared of her as she is very inimidating and most mums in the class,classes above and classes below have had dealings with her, but they do not approach the mum or headteacher about it just telling their kids to ignore her which does not work with mine as she insists on following her. I was recently in a meeting with the head, my daughters teacher, head of school goveners and my husband, now the school said they will do all they can to stop this and the other girls mother said the school could do whatever was in their power (but she has free rein at home so pointless really). But this is a last ditch attempt by myself as im sick of her coming home brokenhearted and wondered what steps i could take or tell the school if this doesnt work (the bully is still doing everything she was told off for by the way) but i am giving it a little time to see what they will do. As the next step is to move schools but i dont see why my daughter should have to move when she is not causing the trouble. Please help!!

emmy05

this is really bad to read, and im sending your daughter huge hugs. If i were you, i would honestly inform the LEA is it? I cant understand why this is happening still after such a long time, you could try one last time with the head of the school and threaten that you will go above his/her head, as thats what id definately do........ or just go straight to above them anyway. The head at my sons school knocks any kind of bullying straight away on the head, so i couldnt imagine something like this continuing on. I honestly wonder if some schools deny it happening due to them not wanting a bad name over it, bullying is a very serious matter and i do hope you manage to get things sorted out x

pandora205

Hi

This is a very difficult situation for your child and for you as parents. It does sound like the school have tried to deal with this without success. Perhaps they can seek advice from their support services?

As a parent it is difficult to know what to do. The best book I have come across is now out of print but is still available second hand through Amazon. It's called Fighting Bullying and Teasing by John Pearce. It is written for parents so that they can help their child deal with teasing, etc and has lots of ideas for home use. This isn't to suggest that your daughter is causing the problem at all but it does give some strategies for her to use when bullied.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h_/203-7789721-6859133?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=john+pearce+bullying+and+teasing

alwaysonthego_2

Can they not remove the child and put her in a different class from your daughter. Your daughter has the right to feel safe at school. I think that you need to start by writing to the school (keep a copy, send recorded delivery, cc copy to governers) and ask them what they intend to do about the problem and that you hope it will be rsolved promptly. Give them 14 worknig days to reply.

edit: I would think about taking your daughter to karate/kick boxing, not to be violent but to build up her confidence

Mojisola

veryskint wrote: »

The girl in question has not bullied my daughter physically but she does it mentally, by chipping her confidence away and after 4 years ive had enough ...

but they do not approach the mum or headteacher about it just telling their kids to ignore her which does not work with mine as she insists on following her.

This is the bit that would worry me - why does your daughter still want to be friends with her when she has been so horrible to her?

The school certainly should be doing something about the bully but maybe your daughter needs some help to rebuild her self-esteem - otherwise she may spend her life latching on to the local bully.

emmy05

edit: I would think about taking your daughter to karate/kick boxing, not to be violent but to build up her confidence



brilliant idea, this teaches them how to cope with pressure as well, i 2nd this x

alwaysonthego_2

Mojisola wrote: »

This is the bit that would worry me - why does your daughter still want to be friends with her when she has been so horrible to her?

I read this as the bully follows the op's daughter

Mips

You just have to constantly reassure your Daughter that this is NOT an issue with her, it is the Bullies problem. Perhaps explain that the Bully might not be very happy with herself and likes to be mean to make herself feel better?

They are very young, and it must be awful for your little girl but if she can just try and shrug it off and try not to let it affect her esteem or confidence, whilst you try and get the Bully sorted out with the School...

.. hopefully it can all stop and the Bully will get bored.

whatatwit

Hi, very difficult situation for both you and your daughter.
Is your daughter an only child?

My DD who is 15 is an only one and has had similar troubles since starting school. It seems that no sooner has she made a good friend then along comes another friend and suddenly 3's a crowd and my DD feels left out.
Unfortunately, things have not really improved and this still happens. Nothing physical happens, it's just verbal and if my DD does happen to shout back, she usually gets told off, often because she really does have a go back.

Sorry that I cannot be more positive or come up with a solution for you, some kids are just the ones who struggle to make and then keep friends at school.

PS...I love the piccie of Dan.

veryskint_3

Mojisola wrote: »

This is the bit that would worry me - why does your daughter still want to be friends with her when she has been so horrible to her?

The school certainly should be doing something about the bully but maybe your daughter needs some help to rebuild her self-esteem - otherwise she may spend her life latching on to the local bully.

My daughter has had some major upheavels in her life as her 2 half siblings came to live with us as their mum committed suicide so i think she may be a little scared that i will go and do the same, although we have done loads to try and boost her confidence and the school does too, and the councilling services are arranging some councilling for all of them. But my daughter makes friends so easilly and i think she thinks that when the girl is being ok with her if my daughter tries really hard to be her friend then it will all stop. But as we have told her the best way is to keep well away from her and play with someone else.

veryskint_3

whatatwit wrote: »

Hi, very difficult situation for both you and your daughter.
Is your daughter an only child?

My DD who is 15 is an only one and has had similar troubles since starting school. It seems that no sooner has she made a good friend then along comes another friend and suddenly 3's a crowd and my DD feels left out.
Unfortunately, things have not really improved and this still happens. Nothing physical happens, it's just verbal and if my DD does happen to shout back, she usually gets told off, often because she really does have a go back.

Sorry that I cannot be more positive or come up with a solution for you, some kids are just the ones who struggle to make and then keep friends at school.

PS...I love the piccie of Dan.

Thanks for your help. My daughter is the youngest of 4 and the same happens to her, when she actually plucks up courage to tell the other girl off the other girl goes and "tells"on her (her version of course). So then again im up at school telling them not to tell my daughter off for sticking up for herself.

P.s Thanks about the comment on Dan hes mine and my daughters hero.