My hubby just walked out on me.

BallandChain

misty wrote: »

Glad you're feeling more in charge and more positive. I think having children kind of forces you to pretend things are ok and eventually they are and you're not pretending anymore.

It's great you have friends and family to support you - and you will be able to have well deserved break from uni for a few weeks.

You sound quite determind - and well done in tackling him about your concerns - I like the way he says you will discuss money - that's what you were doing wasn't it?

I picked up on that too. It means he isn't prepared to discuss money.

I think it is entirely normal to miss someone and love them as well despise them. I know when I split from my ex - I did miss him at times - however it onlyusually took a few mins with him to remember that actually he !!!!!! me right off!

That's so true!

Good luck for the future

CB1979 wrote: »

i reckon he's going up to scotland to see this other woman, see how it goes and then you'll get the real decision if he'll be wanting to come back!

That was my thoughts exactly when I read the OP's post. Don't let him back OP. I would like to think this other woman kicks him to the kerb and if you stand your ground and not take him back he will end up with no-one.

poppyscorner

Hi again,

not such a good day today emotionally that is anyway was working today so he picked the kids up as arranged this morning and we agreed to talk money tonight when I returned. I passed the placement with flying colours and was reported outstanding in most areas and very good in 2 so that was really good and they said I should breeze through the program they would be glad to have me working there when I qualified.

When I got home he was here waiting with the kids and we got them sorted and off to bed together. I asked him about us as he says he doesnt love me anymore but hasnt really explained why I am still no further forward he has denied that what his mother said was the way he felt and he said I didn't do anything to make he feel like that and that he still fancies me ??????? but he is really happy now he has left me.
He says he cant cope with family life something he always said that he wanted but he is not depressed at least not now he has gone. He was clean and had had a shave.

I am struggling to get my head around things I dont know whether to take him at his word or think hes playing games I still feel like I want answers but also feel that he is never going to give me them.

We then moved on to money and he wants one of our bank accounts (which I agreed to) on the issue of maintainance he was shocked when I asked him for £60 per week and spluttered a bit about it but when I asked him how much he had earned this week it was over £300 with nothing to spend it on of course he had had his night out last night with his mates and said he is trying to save for a place of his own I told him that wasnt really my problem and I didnt want excuses I just wanted support I also told him to get housing sorted sooner rather than later because despite the fact that he wants to live the single life he isnt a single man he has responsibilities and he isnt getting away from that he will look after our children and he is going to have them to stay because I am entitled to a life aswell he said he was coming down again tomorrow and would bring me some money with him.

I just feel like I am an idiot after he ran off the first time I should have known he would never stick it out when the going got tough, but I had him back and was stupid enough to believe he really wanted me and when DS2 came along that he wanted us to be a happy family I never wanted to bring my kids up as a single mum I know there are few people who would choose that option but I wanted my kids to have the upbringing I've had with a mum and dad who love each other and work as a team to give their kids a nice life I feel like I have given all I have to give and in some way I am not good enough.

I want to believe that someday I will settle down and be with someone else but I am not sure that I will ever be able to trust anyone ever again because I truly believed him when he said he loved me and I dont know how to pick the bad uns out right now I feel like I am wondering if there are any good men out there other than my dad.

I just dont know how I feel I am all confused about things and I want to pick myself up but I am just having one of those days everyone at home shouting their opinion at you and I just dont want to listen to them anymore.

jay11_2

Aaw hun, (((hugs)))
You had to give him another chance or you might always have wondered 'what if'....... Time to be nice to Poppy now.

Fab news about your placement, just keep focussed on the end goal and you'll be fine, just think how great it'll be when you're a professional earning decent money!

As for being a single parent...your children have a mum and extended family who love and care for them, families come in all shapes and sizes, and yours will be fine...you are obviously strong and caring, and children need that, and love, above all. Things will work out!

Well done on standing up for yourself...time he stopped taking the mickey and started meeting his responsibilities, WELL DONE!!

Try to just deal with today and let future relationships happen as they will,

love, Jay xx

Mips

He did you a favour.

You can't see it yet, but you will

virgin_moneysaver

well, you gave him a 2nd chance & HE blew it - you've got nothing to reproach yourself for & now it's time to just concentrate your energies on your boys & yourself -& you're right to make it clear that he can't turn the clock back & become the same single man he was before the children came along - I bet at times you thought you had 3 boys not 2!

all the very best - we are all here when you need a sounding board

hugs from another mum of 2 boys xx

mdhughes03

Hugs Poppy
If you can try and read your posts as if you were reading a stranger's words I think you will be quite impressed with yourself! You are still a relatively young woman but you are raising two lovely children, and starting out in a new career which it sounds like you will excel in. You obviously have your head screwed on when it comes to the money and practicality side of stuff and despite having been hurt so badly, you've managed to make sure your kids aren't affected by it and laid down the law to the ex about money/visiting etc. You are obviously a strong woman and I hope you come through this even stronger and eventually meet a man who appreciates and deserves you.

what can hubby say? "I live in my mum's sitting room, and spend my time on facebook". ooooh

yoni_one

Poppy, YAY to you for clearly laying out your very reasonable terms, especially remembering to factor in some free time for yourself (given that he has taken a greater period of free time for himself without consulting you).

I'm so sorry that you are having to manage your family in a way that is not of your choosing, with the best will in the world we can end up exactly where we don't want to be through no apparent fault of our own.

One area that does strike a chord with me is telling you that he still 'fancies' you (even tho he is happier now he is no longer living with you and facing all his responsibilities). There could come a point in the not too distant future when, after his current 'honeymoon' period is over or has troubles of it's own, he may turn to you for emotional (and/or physical support). If that happens, before you do anything please carefully consider if his short term needs are worth the potential long term consequences to you. When we are feeling low it can sometimes be easy to confuse 'fancy' with a stronger emotion and come to deeply regret it later on.

It is little wonder your head is all over the place right now, gift yourself permission to be confused, things will become clear for you eventually. Also please try not to beat yourself up too much for having accepted him back before, it is to your credit that you were willing to give it another go, it is he who has let you down, not you - and hopefully you have learned the bigger lesson now without regrets over 'what if'.

It may seem hard to believe right now but there are many good men out there, some of whom get trashed on by women in the way you have been by your OH. It would be pretty damaging if all people were tarred with the same brush as those who have little respect for others. Just give yourself some time to sort yourself out and let that side of things take a natural course.

You have so much to focus on right now, congratulations and well flippin done in achieving success on your course!!! May that long continue.

*Louise*

Well done Poppyscorner

Sounds like you held your own and told him whats what. Congrats on what sounds like a mature and amicable discussion.


PS...'still fancies you' means he would still want to sleep with you if you gave him half a chance. Sounds like he wants the comforts of married life, but the ability to turn away and be single whenever it suits him.

Good luck - and for the future as well. I know it will be a while before you feel you can trust another man..but believe me - there are a lot of decent ones out there!

Just take your time...the right one will be there for you.

((hugs)))

poppyscorner

mdhughes03 wrote: »

what can hubby say? "I live in my mum's sitting room, and spend my time on facebook". ooooh

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: sorry but I found that hilarious it literally made me laugh out loud.

Thank you all you are all so kind xx

misty

I don't blame you for still feeling pretty raw - especially if you have seen him. I think sometimes we plan the conversatin in our heads and what we will say and then they don't respond the way we expect and you feel annoyedt your.

Brilliant news about your placement - give yourself a pat on the back. It's easy to miss the good when hard times are happening - but you've done brilliantly.

How good of him to still fancy you!! Tell him your finding him pretty unattractive right now - what with his roving eye, tight wad ways and inability to act like a man! What he means is - he still wants $ex but without the responsibility of everyday life.

It's difficult when you want answers but trying to analyse why he has done something and what he nmight do in the future will only lead to madness as you can't predict or believe what he might say.

You're doing really well and some days are going to be harder than others but don't lose track of what you have dealt with and achieved as it's pretty amazing