My hubby just walked out on me.

poppyscorner

Hi all,

I am normally a regular poster but havent been on for a while. I don't really know what to say but feel the need to start writing although I also don't really know what I want you guys to say about it either.

I am 25yrs old (26 next week) and I am/was married to a man 32yrs old we have 2 children together aged 5yrs and 1yr we have been together 7 yrs and he was married previously and has a DD aged 9yrs. Most of the time our relationship has been fine we have been married almost 3 yrs and we have gone through some really tough times together. We got together fairly quickly and I was pregnant 8mths into our relationship (a happy accident) nonetheless we were both happy with the news but tragically our daughter was stillborn at 31weeks in Feb 2002 our 1st son was born Feb 2003 and I reacted very badly to him being born I was really depressed and focused on the baby we lost as opposed to the baby I had to care for on top of that we also were neck high in debt it got so much that I very stupidly tried to end my life. My husband was so mad that he left me and proceeded to have an affair with my best friend at the time this all happened in a 2 week period in oct 2003 then he came home told me that he himself had been depressed hence the affair and leaving us. I agreed to taking him back and giving things another try.

We got closer and stronger we talked in depth about things that had gone wrong and two yrs later we got married all still great I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and our family his DD was a big part of our family and although I felt awkward around the ex wife I never let it show. We had our 2nd son March last yr and then my job came under threat I have always worked full time and he has always been happy with that.
Then I got offered a place at uni where I would go and do my training and work would pay me to go we discussed it and he was really supportive of me bettering myself I started the course in March this year and all was well till a few weeks ago when he goes all quiet on me won't speak constantly looks miserable hes always on facebook logs out if I go near him and then I find out hes been messaging a girl he went to school with now lives in Scotland we live newcastle area he asked me if I would mind if he goes to see a concert with her this weekend and stays at her house I say no way and he gets moodier still I have asked him till I am blue in the face what is the matter he has said nothing he is fine for weeks then last night he says he will tell me tomorrow (today) what is bothering him I cant take any more of it so I get up come downstairs saying nothing to him and just sit and try to work it out in my head.

Basically he came down said he didnt think he loves me anymore but doesn't know why and swans of to his mums at 3am and leaves me to get on with it.

He has came home later on today and said basically the same things again not sure what he wants blah blah. All I can hear is the same crap I heard last time he left I have warned him I am not sure I could take him back again but he wasnt really listening just talking about himself and what he was going to do next.

On top of this visit I've had a phonecall from his mother saying I expect to much he does a lot more than other blokes (he gets our kids ready for school and nursery most days and will not lift a finger to do anything else and apparently he resents this though he has never said so to me he is self employed as a roofer he works 10am till 4pm max) she also reckons that I shouldnt work I should be home looking after him and my children instead of trying to get a career of my own something we have also discussed and he wouldn't hear of but he obviously hasnt said that to her. she has made me feel like crap and I think personally he has some form of depression and apart from the fact I have stood by and watched this happen before the way he is sends alarm bells ringing he just sits there on the sofa won't do anything doesnt want to go anywhere wont get washed and lately I have to tell him to have a shave every now and again and even down to brushing his teeth.

So what do I do now ? I love him and hate him at the same time DS2 is too young to say anything but DS1 is devastated he idolises his father I have given him reassurance that its OK Daddy still loves him and I still loves him we just aren't going to live together anymore.

Of course there is the question about finances being a money saving site how will I cope as a single mum who do I need to ring ?
What do I do about university do I continue or give up ? I have all these questions and havent got a clue where to look for the answers.

I'm sorry its so long but thanks if you managed to read it all. A different outside view on it would be nice.

Thanks in advance Poppy x

r.mac_2

big hugs poppy. I'm not sure that I can say anything that will help but didn't want to read and not reply.

Someone will be along with some great advice soon - in the meantime make yourself a cuppa....

it sounds like you have had a tough time

davetrousers

For a 32 year old he is acting like a kid!

tuggy

Hi Poppy,

The first thing to remember is YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is a huge network of support for people in your situation, and I'm sure you have friends and family that can help you, even just to talk it over.

Only you can decide to stay at uni or not. Financially you may be better leaving, after all a degree is not the be all and end all.

I hope everything gets better for you!

sammy_kaye18

hugs poppy - im havign grief with my boyfriend too - all will be better in the end once you have found your bearings and gotten past teh fuzzy kind of 'what the hell is going on' phrase.

lots of hugs

Sam

galvanizersbaby

davetrousers wrote: »

For a 32 year old he is acting like a kid!

I would second that comment - was my first thought on reading your post!
Don't know what advice to offer other than sounds like you need a bit of space to get yourself together emotionally x

becky_sleaf

I have to agree with davetrousers...He is acting like a kid. You already have two children do you really need another!?

If he's that unhappy then you will be better off letting him. It might get better but long term these problems very rarely go away. As hard as it seems now things will get easier.

Cassa

I would try & keep on with uni if at all poss - it will greatly increase your earning ability at a later date.

You will be entitled to maintenance off him as well, not sure about tax credits etc. if you're at uni.

Best of luck. x

jay11_2

Aaw, (((HUGS))) from me too Poppy.

OK, looks like you need to break things down and deal with one issue at a time:

money: you said work are paying you to train, that's at least a good start financially. Then look on http://www.entitledto.co.uk/ to see what else you're eligible for. I'd also have a chat with your uni tutor, to get a bit of leeway until you've got childcare etc sorted.

Hubby: may be depressed, may be the end of the line for your marriage, or it may not be. Right now I'd take some time to reflect, and let things settle until you know what YOU want, before doing or saying anything else.

Otherwise, try to prioritise the different issues and sort the most urgent (money?) and go from there.

Hope things get better, Jay xx

Stephb1986_2

Hi Poppy Hugs!!

Contact CAB and see what your entitled to, if you need to move house then go to your local council and get on the housing list.

I cant think of anything else at the moment sorry

Take it easy

Love hugs and kisses

Steph xx

xxlaurissaxx

I have read and thought i would reply. I too agree he is acting like a kid. I think you would be better off without. If you've already taken him back and hes walked out again i wouldn't let him walk back in. Talk to your family and friends about support and work out if you can still saty at uni, maybe even talk to citizens advice. You will be eligible for benefits (Not sure what tho.) It will mean a better financial future for you and your kids. It will be tough but just stay strong for everyone.

Good Luck xx