Feeling guilty for wanting to be sahm,when children in school

maverickangel

Be a SAHM and enjoy it.
I have the best of both worlds as am a SAHM and a lone parent, but lucky enough to have employment I can do when the children are in bed or I can take them with me when they're not otherwise engaged.
I feel far happier and fulfilled being a mum then I ever did in the employment role I had pre-children!
Don't feel pressured by the current fashion for worth being measured by economic reward.
I have been asked by a few well meaning souls if I'm going to "get a proper job" when my children are all in full time education. Short answer is, no, I'm not.
Do whatever works for your family. You only have one life..do what makes you and the family feel good.

LilacPixie

How many SAHM`s have children in full time school?

Well my mum did it, still does a guess but her children are way past the education stage. She gave up work while pregnant and hasn't been in paid employment since. Now my dad has retired with a good pension they just potter about and spend time with the grandkids.

Personally its not for me, I really struggled being at home so we compromised and I worked full time while OH worked part time around my work hours. Now I am on maternity leave OH has increased his hours alot but I find I am relying alot more on my parents for assistance than he ever did. I can only comment on my circumstances but I find being a SAHM alot harder than working in paid employment.

liney

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

My replies in pink

I can't comment on a tv programme I haven't seen but the housewives I know work very hard and the children have very close relationships with their dads because the time is there to spend with them. And the dads dont' have the same pressures on them as if the mums work because they aren't expected to split the household chores as well as go out to work.

Assuming DH isn't constantly working overtime/having a long commute/actually get's in before 7pm when the children go to bed/ because he has to take whatever work is available because he is soley responsible for supporting the family.

As i said, i work 2 and a half days a week, going up to 3 and half soon, but still manage to do all the 'housewifey' things. With modern conveniences like washing machines, hoovers, dishwashers etc, housework is not a full time job. Years ago when Mondays was wash day, Tuesday was baking day etc of course it was, but not now. I do not class the time i spend with my son in the afternoon after school and before bed as 'work' either.

For the record, my DH isn't keen that i go back to work full time though because he does like his home comforts: magically appearing clean clothes and food on the table, which he had to help out with before we had DS and i did a 50 hour week. So although i see what you are saying in some respects i simply doesn't buy the need for a full week to do all these things.

thriftlady_2

liney wrote: »

. With modern conveniences like washing machines, hoovers, dishwashers etc, housework is not a full time job. Years ago when Mondays was wash day, Tuesday was baking day etc of course it was, but not now. I do not class the time i spend with my son in the afternoon after school and before bed as 'work' either.

.

I agree;) especially as the kids get older, but if someone doesn't need to earn money and doesn't want to earn money and both partners are happy with the arrangement then go for it.

My OH would hate the thought of having to help with laundry, cooking etc too.

Carmina_Piranha_3

liney wrote: »

Assuming DH isn't constantly working overtime/having a long commute/actually get's in before 7pm when the children go to bed/ because he has to take whatever work is available because he is soley responsible for supporting the family.

i suppose we are lucky in that respect - my husband works nearby and is only out of the house for 9 hours a day so he sees his children at breakfast time and for a couple of hours before bedtime. he comes home for lunch sometimes too.

in the households i know where both adults work, or a single parent works they go shopping at weekends, they do the washing in the evenings etc. while we don't have to do that because i've done it while my husband is at work. he comes home at 5:15 to sit on the sofa with a pile of books for the 2 year old while i cook, or he can play on the wii with our eldest because eldest's homework is finished, he can do it when he gets in from school rather than going to a childcare facility for 90 mins.

in some families the housework is shared and the kitchen is 'his' responsibility to clean, while the bathroom is 'hers' etc. but i would rather my husband relaxed when he got in from work instead of washing the breakfast dishes.

it works for us, and that's all that matters. my husband has plenty of time for being him, and plenty of time with the children.

today he's taken the day off work and gone to alton towers with his old uni friends. one friend of mine who works is surprised that i don't resent him having a day of leisure on his own, 'wasting' a day's holiday. i think her life is more pressured than mine and she snaps at her husband if he hasn't cleaned the kitchen fast enough when he gets home from work.

i realise that not all working families are snappy and pressured, but i know which way i prefer things and my husband is happy too. when the youngest is at full time school i will probably look for part time work, but while youngest is small i feel lucky to stay at home.

Gingham_Ribbon

liney wrote: »

As i said, i work 2 and a half days a week, going up to 3 and half soon, but still manage to do all the 'housewifey' things. With modern conveniences like washing machines, hoovers, dishwashers etc, housework is not a full time job. Years ago when Mondays was wash day, Tuesday was baking day etc of course it was, but not now. I do not class the time i spend with my son in the afternoon after school and before bed as 'work' either. .

Call it what you like, looking after the children is a housewife's job and of course it's not a chore but it's not easy either, though I daresay it will get easier as they get older. Mine are still under 5. I defy anyone to say it's easy.

So it doesn't suit you. It suits lots of other families so what's the issue? Why do you need to 'buy' it? Of course it doesn't take every single second of the school day to get all the chores done. So what? And it doesn't mean that the working parent needs to do overtime to make ends meet. We live on a very basic income without feeling the need to earn more. I wouldn't assume that everyone who works long hours is trapped by wanting more stuff than they need, overspending etc so why would someone assume that having a housewife at home is putting pressure on a husband to work longer hours?

woozywendy

I have 2 daughters and wanted to be a SAHM. It took me 10 years and 5 pregnancies to have my children and I wanted to look after them. When my 1st daughter started full time school I got a job at lunchtimes for an hour and my 2nd daughter was looked after by her Nanna. I save this money during term time so I can treat my daughters in the holidays.

Penelope_Penguin

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Call it what you like, looking after the children is a housewife's job and of course it's not a chore but it's not easy either, though I daresay it will get easier as they get older. Mine are still under 5. I defy anyone to say it's easy.

It doesn't get easier - just "differently difficult" :rotfl: It's still as rewarding, though

Gingham_Ribbon wrote:

So it doesn't suit you. It suits lots of other families so what's the issue? Why do you need to 'buy' it? Of course it doesn't take every single second of the school day to get all the chores done. So what? And it doesn't mean that the working parent needs to do overtime to make ends meet. We live on a very basic income without feeling the need to earn more. I wouldn't assume that everyone who works long hours is trapped by wanting more stuff than they need, overspending etc so why would someone assume that having a housewife at home is putting pressure on a husband to work longer hours?

Well said GR :T :A When my children started school, DD asked why she couldn't go to Florida "like everyone else in my class". I told her that if that was what she really wnated, she could. I'd go back to work, she could go to day care before and after school, and nearly every day in the school holidays. But wouldn't that be a wonderful swap for 2 weeks as Disney :j Even at 5 she realised that it wasn't and now at 15 and 13 both children ares happy that they may not have had every material thing, they had as much time and attention that they wanted from their parents.

I've done 3 days at work this week (I usually do 2). I'm shattered, feel really drained, the children have hardly seen me, the house is a tip and I've only spoken with DH about practical arrangemnts for the family and household. I don't know how families where both parents work manage.

galvanizersbaby

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Call it what you like, looking after the children is a housewife's job and of course it's not a chore but it's not easy either, though I daresay it will get easier as they get older. Mine are still under 5. I defy anyone to say it's easy.

So it doesn't suit you. It suits lots of other families so what's the issue? Why do you need to 'buy' it? Of course it doesn't take every single second of the school day to get all the chores done. So what? And it doesn't mean that the working parent needs to do overtime to make ends meet. We live on a very basic income without feeling the need to earn more. I wouldn't assume that everyone who works long hours is trapped by wanting more stuff than they need, overspending etc so why would someone assume that having a housewife at home is putting pressure on a husband to work longer hours?

Looking after children under 5 isn't an easy option I agree (and they tell me it gets easier when they get older apparently ):rotfl: it could of course be a househusband's job (how very PC of me);)
I think the thing to remember is that different things suit different people and whether you have paid work part-time/full time or are a sahm we all work hard - just different types of work.
Given the oppportunity ideally I would love to work term-time only so I could be there for the kids outside of school hours but it's not financially possible for me at the moment - I work full-time and am on my own but I don't consider myself any better or worse than anyone else - most days I feel bad for not seeing my two when school finishes.
A lot of the other mum's seem to think I'm some sort of career driven 'supermum' because I have a good job and work fulltime, sadly the reality of the situation is 'needs must' financially.

thatgirlsam

Penelope_Penguin wrote: »

It doesn't get easier - just "differently difficult" :rotfl: It's still as rewarding, though



Well said GR :T :A When my children started school, DD asked why she couldn't go to Florida "like everyone else in my class". I told her that if that was what she really wnated, she could. I'd go back to work, she could go to day care before and after school, and nearly every day in the school holidays. But wouldn't that be a wonderful swap for 2 weeks as Disney :j Even at 5 she realised that it wasn't and now at 15 and 13 both children ares happy that they may not have had every material thing, they had as much time and attention that they wanted from their parents.

I've done 3 days at work this week (I usually do 2). I'm shattered, feel really drained, the children have hardly seen me, the house is a tip and I've only spoken with DH about practical arrangemnts for the family and household. I don't know how families where both parents work manage.

pp what if you couldn't afford any type of holiday, florida is an extreme example..
its a bit different for me, as im a single mum i don't have the choice to stay at home..
if i didnt work we wouldn't have any holiday, no brownies, swimming lessons, music lessons etc etc
i know that children shouldn't have every material thing and money doesn't buy love but my i want my kids to have good opportunity to learn and experience life, sometimes this does cost money..
its great if you have the choice, and im not knocking sahm's..
but given the choice i would still like to work aswell...
my kids are my life, but your kids also grow up and make their own way and i would like something left for me if that makes any sense