Feeling guilty for wanting to be sahm,when children in school

Lunar_Eclipse

Broken_hearted wrote: »

doing nothing all day.

You are kidding right? It takes hours to run a family life, home and all that comes with it. Much longer than an average working day I assure you.

thriftlady_2

liney wrote: »

When does your husband have 'time just to be' though?.

Fair point, and believe me one we have discussed at length. I do feel guilty that my OH has to go to work everyday, but he has no desire to swap or even for us both to work part-time. This is the way it works for us

My daughter aged 8 is already mapping out her career and it doesn't include having babies or staying at home. I think I am the only SAHM my kids know so they see working mothers as the norm and me as a bit odd:D

Btw my husband gets a whole week to 'be' when he takes the kids camping and I stay at home doing very little indeed :rotfl: He loves going camping with them though and spends the whole year planning it. He is also about to buy a motorbike (again:rolleyes: ) on which he will escape for long rideouts at weekends without any of us.

Lunar_Eclipse

liney wrote: »

I hear many other women justifying themselves by saying they don't sit down from when the kids get up until they go to sleep.:p

Chance would be a fine thing! I sit down to eat tea with hubbie around 9 and then do at least another hour's tidying up/packed lunches afterwards.

But I've only been doing this since April! I definitely feel less stressed and whilst I empathise with the whole guilty feelings (about not earning financially), I am happy to put my hand up and say it is incredibly hard to be successful at work and home (if like me you were still also responsible for 95% of cooking, cleaning, children etc.) Where hubbies are around and happy to chip in with household duties it may be more manageable but my G*d do I wish I never went back to work when I did!

liney

Please don't think i'm being argumentative, but:

Mojisola wrote: »

SAHMs need to have a few hours to themselves in the day because they start work again when the children come home from school. Small children go to bed early - 7/8pm. You have the rest of the evening.

And in answer to liney - OHs should be able to have time to themselves at the weekends and evenings because everything to do with the house should be sorted. So you keep the children away from the dad who they haven't seen all week because he's at work so he can have a rest?

Also, it's not so much a woman finding a man to keep her as a partnership arranging their life between them. Friends of mine did it the other way and he stayed home while she worked. Their son hasn't grown up looking for a wife to keep him! Unusual circumstance. I feel that SAHM with children at school are compounding a stereotype, and putting extra pressure on DH to 'go out, bring bacon'. I remember watching a TV programme not so long ago where a couple were on the verge of losing their house. DW was worried DH would have a heart attack because he's working 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, yet she didn't work..... Extreme i know, but you get my drift. Why not share the pressure.

liney

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Chance would be a fine thing! I sit down to eat tea with hubbie around 9 and then do at least another hour's tidying up/packed lunches afterwards.

I work 2 and a half days a week, and manage to do all the housework on the other 2 days, and cook from scratch daily. You have to be cleaning, clean things!

thriftlady_2

I feel that SAHM with children at school are compounding a stereotype, and putting extra pressure on DH to 'go out, bring bacon'

I can see what you're getting at Liney, but I'm not sure that that is the prevailing stereotype these days. Judging by the number of comments I get about not working (surprise rather than criticism) I would say that I'm atypical rather than stereotypical.

When I was finishing my education in the mid 80s there was a strong expectation that I should have a career which I did for a while, but there was never any suggestion that being a housewife was an option despite the fact that my mum has always been happy at home (she combined it with being a JP for many years).

As I said before I'm the only housewife I know -apart from my mum and my mil all the women I know work.

thatgirlsam

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

You are kidding right? It takes hours to run a family life, home and all that comes with it. Much longer than an average working day I assure you.

i work 30 hours a week, im a single mum so i have to..
i have no problem with running the house aswell
in fact, when the kids are at school and im at work there is no-one here to make it dirty!

johnswife

I worked for 18 years before I left to have my first daughter ( 2more quickly followed) and I have never wanted to go back to work since.(She is now 18years old)
There have been times when We could have done with some more money but we managed on what we had without claiming benefits.
I have lost count of the number of times people have asked me if I worked.
My OH works long hours, sometimes from 6am and getting back at midnight, travels a lot. He is now living on the sofa after an accident, will be for about 2 more months and he is complaining of how bored he is.
I loved being a SAHM, I know it doesn't suit everyone but if you want to and can afford to just do it.

vixarooni

During my life, my mum has worked part time, and then she took early retirement due to unforseen circumstances, this was when i was 11.

My mother had me at 40, 21 years ago. Im all for a SAHM, for me the best thing about it was that when i came home from school, my mum was there. When i finished primary she would pick me up or i would walk to the shop she worked in around the corner. Then in secondary school she was always at home, and as a teenager it was soo comforting to have security when you got back home.

Im all for it, if its what you want to do and you can do it!

Gingham_Ribbon

liney wrote: »

Please don't think i'm being argumentative, but:
SAHMs need to have a few hours to themselves in the day because they start work again when the children come home from school. Small children go to bed early - 7/8pm. You have the rest of the evening.

Say the mum works from 6-9.30 with the kids, then 3-8 with the kids. That's an 8 and a half hour day NOT including the stuff she does while they're at school - ie the cooking, cleaning, shopping, sorting bills etc. It's not necessarily a shorter day than the husband - just working at different times with the bonus of taking the pressure off him at home as what would/should be shared chores if they both work are already done. So even if she only worked 3 hours while the kids were at school, that's still an 11 and a half hour day.


And in answer to liney - OHs should be able to have time to themselves at the weekends and evenings because everything to do with the house should be sorted. So you keep the children away from the dad who they haven't seen all week because he's at work so he can have a rest?

Surely having the household chores done means that he has MORE time to spend with the children as he's not having to cook/wash up/ iron/water the plants etc etc. If the work's done that leaves the evening for family time, doesn't it?


Also, it's not so much a woman finding a man to keep her as a partnership arranging their life between them. Friends of mine did it the other way and he stayed home while she worked. Their son hasn't grown up looking for a wife to keep him! Unusual circumstance. I feel that SAHM with children at school are compounding a stereotype, and putting extra pressure on DH to 'go out, bring bacon'. I remember watching a TV programme not so long ago where a couple were on the verge of losing their house. DW was worried DH would have a heart attack because he's working 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, yet she didn't work..... Extreme i know, but you get my drift. Why not share the pressure.

My replies in pink

I can't comment on a tv programme I haven't seen but the housewives I know work very hard and the children have very close relationships with their dads because the time is there to spend with them. And the dads dont' have the same pressures on them as if the mums work because they aren't expected to split the household chores as well as go out to work.