Feeling guilty for wanting to be sahm,when children in school

Carmina_Piranha_3

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Apart from the boredom and loss of self worth I can't see any reason not to stay at home doing nothing all day. Ok its my idea of pure hell.

Ah well, we're all different. Personally my self worth isn't so fragile, and I'm happy as I could possibly be. If in a couple of years I fancy a part time job when my youngest goes to school then I will get one. If a complete personality change leads to me wanting to work full time in the field i got my degree in then I'll go for that. My self worth is not connected to my job in the slightest. we've all seen on this board that linking your degree and job with self worth isn't a great idea :rotfl:

Mrs_P_Pincher

All I can say is that when my daughters were small, my relationship with their father was so unstable that I felt I had to continue to work, even though my salary basically paid the child care, just so I would have a job and a way to support us if he carried out his constant threat to leave us. I missed the first tooth, the first steps and heaven knows what else as I wrestled with various child minders and convoluted care arrangements. The whole thing was a nightmare (for 14 years), it turns out they hated it all as much as I did (no lie ins in the holidays) and I would give anything to be able to turn the clock back. Present OH says that if we had had children he would have expected me to stay home. Get sad just thinking about it.

Stay at home and be the best Mum you can.

Mrs PP

tiamai_d

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Apart from the boredom and loss of self worth I can't see any reason not to stay at home doing nothing all day. Ok its my idea of pure hell.

Depends on what you base your self worth on doesn't it?

I'm a SAHM to a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. I find myself having to explain that I left work to look after my youngest who has mild cerebal palsy as people judge me as you seem to.

But see, I don't need a manager kissing my !!!! for me to feel good. My self worth is in me as a person, not my parenting skills, or the job I do or don't do.

I'd also like to meet a SAHM who 'does nothing all day'. They must live in a pit eh? Or be loaded and hire a cleaner and a nanny to actually look after the kids. Or maybe they have these wonderful kids that sit and read all day and a magic house that self-cleans.

soba

I've recently become a SAHM after running my own business for twenty years. I took a job afterwards - only part-time, 15 hours a week but involving quite a bit of travelling. We wroked out that after car expenses it wasn't worth me keeping the job. Added to that the big school holidays are coming up and I'd need to rely on family to look after the children for seven weeks, and that's something I'm not prepared to do. The only other alternative would have been childcare and that really would have meant me going to work for nothing. I used to do some voluntary work at the local school before my second child came along and I'd like to get back into that. Dream voluntary position would be working at the CAB, but that takes a lot of training and might lead to the childcare situation again. Anyway, just to say that I still feel guilty that my husband is working extra hours to keep the family but he doesn't seem to mind. Still stuck for an answer though when people I knew from my business days ask if I'm 'retired' now. It seems that they place a greater emphasis on the workplace than the home-place.

RoxieW

I personally would like something for me outside of the home - but if you'd be happy then go for it! Don't worry what others think!

*Louise*

tiamai_d wrote: »

and a magic house that self-cleans.

Oooooo - can I have one of them please??? :j

Gingham_Ribbon

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Apart from the boredom and loss of self worth I can't see any reason not to stay at home doing nothing all day. Ok its my idea of pure hell.

:rotfl: Oh my goodness. Doing nothing all day. Chance would be a fine thing. And the time to get bored...ahh bliss.

I used to get bored at work. When I was working in insurance I actually dozed off at my desk more than once. I can honestly say that as a housewife I don't have the time to get bored and I love what I do.

Self worth? Being the glue that holds the family together, being the one who kisses the tears away, being the one who provides a safe, happy, calm environment for my family? My self worth has never been higher.

thriftlady_2

I gave up work when my nearly 13 yo was born and have no intention of ever going back unless we have a big change in circumstances. I thank my lucky stars that I am a housewife every morning. It is the job I was born for and since my kids have all been in full-time education I love it even more:D

I love having the day to myself, to be able to decide what to do with it and not what someone else want me to do.

If you can afford not to work and your OH is fully behind you then why do it ?


By the way -I don't subscribe to the view that being a SAHM is hard work. Granted it is pretty exhausting when the kids are little but once they're at school life is good. You get the busy times chiefly the breakfast-off to school period and then the school pick-up-teatime-bed period which are of course just as busy for working parents. Then there is the morning which in my case is pretty busy -grocery shopping, baking, cooking, laundry, a bit of housework (not too much), gardening, library and errands. After lunch though is my quiet relaxing time where I read, surf the net, sew or just sit and think. I take a French class for a couple of hours a week which I love and is just for me. What is wrong with having more time to just be ?

liney

thriftlady wrote: »

After lunch though is my quiet relaxing time where I read, surf the , sew or just sit and think. I take a French class for a couple of hours a week which I love and is just for me. What is wrong with having more time to just be ?

When does your husband have 'time just to be' though? I work part time so that my husband doesn't have to work harder, plus i think it's good for children, both male and female to see that women work too. Nothing is for nothing, and if i had a daughter i would hate for her to think that her goal was to find a man who earnt enough to keep her at home.

At least you are honest though. I hear many other women justifying themselves by saying they don't sit down from when the kids get up until they go to sleep.:p

Mojisola

thriftlady wrote: »

After lunch though is my quiet relaxing time where I read, surf the , sew or just sit and think. I take a French class for a couple of hours a week which I love and is just for me. What is wrong with having more time to just be?

SAHMs need to have a few hours to themselves in the day because they start work again when the children come home from school.

And in answer to liney - OHs should be able to have time to themselves at the weekends and evenings because everything to do with the house should be sorted.

Also, it's not so much a woman finding a man to keep her as a partnership arranging their life between them. Friends of mine did it the other way and he stayed home while she worked. Their son hasn't grown up looking for a wife to keep him!