Hubbie cheating

k1mmie

I know exactly how you feel. hubby did the same to me after 20years of marriage earlier this year. Long story, but he told me he wanted to work things out (never went anywhere but said he felt life passing him by. blah blah blah) . They were calling each other but main contact via email, but I finally called her and talked to her. I had to do this so I knew whether the contact was still taking place and could not move forward unless I trusted him.

Trust your instincts, they are not usually wrong. I personally could not just leave it. I couldnt live with the suspicions, and feeling of deceit. It was making me sick.

I lost a stone in 3 weeks through all the worry. PM me if you want to chat privately.I wish you all the best.

shellsuit

annie_d wrote: »

Hya shellsuit.
Bad night. No sleep. Just trying to keep still inside till I have chance on my own next week to get to the bank. I am not going to rock the boat until I really have to.
I don't have the energy to collect evidence/proof to spy/ to watch. You know? I know what I know so soflty softly catchy monkey. I am lucky in that, unlike Poppy my children are grown up and have moved away so their day to day life is not affected.

Strong thoughts to you Poppy. There is such a lot of support on here, use it xx

Sorry to hear you're not too good annie!

You seem like a strong lady so I wish you luck that you can get through this xx

NoahsPennilessMummy

Hi

Don`t have any advice really but just wanted to assure you ladies that there is a life after all this is over.....and it is a better one.

My dh and I had a rough spell after ds was born.....I think he felt that ds took up too much of my time and there was no attention left for him( for some reason this seems quite common amongst men:rolleyes: )....but ds is autistic and needs my time.

Eventually dh left....with my best friend.....I was left on my one with 2 year old ds......I had a very rough 18 months on my own...got divorced...but I then met my oh and 18 months later am engaged and very happy:D

I agree they do mess with your self esteem....I still feel like it was my fault there wasnt enough of me to go round....but having children does change relationships and men have to start to realise this and grow up a bit.

Hugs to all who need them and stay strong:T

annie_d

You are right. There certainly is life at the end of the tunnel. I had an 18 year marriage that ended for different reasons and now this one after 8 years.
Life goes on, you just have to keep swimming, even when the tide turns.

Little_Pickle

I hope you're okay Poppy x x x x

RoxieW

You poor thing. I'd be devastated and I have to agree with dippychick I wouldn't have it in me to play it clever - I'd be at him with a kitchen knife! I'd prob be sobbing uncontrollably too so he may get an incling that something is up!
It sounds like you're carrying the whole family hon - I'm sure you will be better off without him. Any man who cheats , esp with a young baby - is the scum of the earth in my book!
I really hope he gets what he deserves - a lonely, miserable existence which you go from strength to strength!

Tashja

I hope everyone over here on this thread is ok ((hugs))

I have to agree I don't think I could keep my cool - I would probably murder him or something

Annie - ((hugs)) to you hun - I really hope things start to pick up for you soon.

T xx

Bungarm2001

OP, I am so so sorry you are going thru this, and the other ladies too. It is the worst feeling in the world when you find out that the person you love and trust most in the world has so little rspect for you to do this. I feel really bad for you.

Been there...done that....

What we have to remember is WE ARE NOT TO BLAME for the actions of these spineless rats.

I don't know why it is, but we always seem to blame ourselves, make excuses for him, and at the end of it all, the bloke always seems to come out of it all whiter than white leaving us forever wondering what 'we' did!! PLEASE get any thoughts out of your mind that you are somehow to blame. Repeat over and over again...I DID NOT DESERVE THIS...!

Thats the very first thing.

If he felt/feels left out and feels he's not getting enough attention from you?? Well, tough. What I say to men is TALK about your feelings of being ignored instead of using that as a pathetic excuse to cheat on your partner.

Thats the second thing.
Third thing....

As for confronting him with this? Well, you have had some extremely good advice on here. You will have to pin him down soon otherwise your health, mental and physical will deteriorate, believe me as one who knows. Never mind confronting the other person, she is a nonentity and not worth bothering with. If you have a go at her, HE will take her side as you will then be the villian. Besides which, it is him you are in a relationship with, not her. She's just a symptom of what is wrong with your bloke.

As others have said on here, the devious g1t will try to convince you that it is all in your mind, so be well prepared for this. IF he has any integrity at all, he MIGHT hold his hands up and come clean, but I'm reading this right, I don't think he will, sadly.

You have to have evidence, not only to confront him with, but to utterly convince yourself that yes, he is and has been cheating. It's a hard one to admit and I don't think you are quite there yet are you? Once it is all out in the open, then it becomes real, and up to now, I wouldn't mind betting that you are still in denial somewhat and you hope it will all go away.

It won't.

Sorry, but I am really being cruel to be kind here.

Do you have a real good mate, someone who you can tell all this to..someone you can trust? It would help you enormously to have someone totally on your side and to be there on the other end of the phone at al hours when you need a friend.

The next few months are not going to be easy, and as I said at the beginning, I feel really bad for you as I have been in your shoes. I wish you all the best...sending cyber hugs your way and wishing you strength to get thru, and you will you know!!

Keep your chin up gurrlll...we are women...we ARE strong.... :A

Oldernotwiser

shellyaspey wrote: »

poppy my heart really does go out to you really it does i know how it feels deep inside but like i said it may not be an affair he may be using a premium rate text messaging service i know some one who works for one of these the man thinks he is texting a woman when really she does not exsist therfore she will make excuses so she cant meet him just wanna give another perspective

Would this really be any better? Surely it's his intention and belief that's the betrayal?

pinkshoes

Well, I guess you could hire a private investigator to get lots of evidence. There's lots advertising on the internet i.e. http://www.suspected.co.uk/Matrimonial_Private_Investigations.html

They'll be able to get her address for you, so you can confront her with your child.

I wouldn't delete her number or anything. You ought to get everything in line to leave him before making him suspicious that you know!

Ideally, you would catch him in the act. Tell him that your mum/sister/best friend is down in the dumps and having woman's problems, and would he mind terribly if you disappeared for the weekend to stay with her and have a girly night in and cheer her up!

Give him a couple of days notice, so he has enough time to arrange for his "other woman" to come over.

In reality, just book a room at your local Travelodge for the night, then at about 6am, nip back home. You'll no doubt either catch him in the act, or he won't be there...

Another suggestion would be to just change the locks while he's out, then when he comes home and can't get in, thrown his belongings out hte window in a bin bag!