Hubbie cheating

k1mmie

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Rob_The_Bantam

k1mmie wrote: »

If you suspect something's going on, you're most probably right. And it can (and maybe will) be denied again and again, to the point where he will look you in the eye and lie rather than risk everything falling apart.

You are so right with this statement - trouble is when is enough enough?

Only the person on the receiving end can decide, I guess. Most people who suffer through things and only break it off when they've been relentlessly let down have one consistent theme to their situation: I wish I'd left sooner.

I'm 25 and have no kids, so I'm certainly not the best person to advise on these situations, but I can offer the perspective of someone who would sometimes treat his OH like garbage and then manipulate the situation to mean that he came out of it as best off as possible. Once that initial trust has gone, the person needs to make a call on whether it's recoverable. If it was a genuine slip, maybe it is. But you also need to be aware that for every bloke thats genuinely sorry to have done it, there'll be another three or four that will do it all over again.

When things came to a head between me and my OH, once I realised she wasn't going to end it, I was thinking about doing it myself. Not because I didn't love her any more, or because we no longer got on well etc, but because I didn't want to do that sort of thing to her again and couldn't guarantee I wouldn't. It was horrible to see what you can do to someone's self-confidence and attitude towards you and the fact that I'd made someone feel like that was sickening.

Alikay

Rob_The_Bantam wrote: »

When things came to a head between me and my OH, once I realised she wasn't going to end it, I was thinking about doing it myself. Not because I didn't love her any more, or because we no longer got on well etc, but because I didn't want to do that sort of thing to her again and couldn't guarantee I wouldn't. It was horrible to see what you can do to someone's self-confidence and attitude towards you and the fact that I'd made someone feel like that was sickening.

Thanks for your honesty in sharing the cheaters point of view - we often hear the cheatee's. Maybe you will be faithful once you meet someone you know wouldn't put up with it, and whom you wont risk losing. I tend to think our behaviour is not only down to what we are, but what we can get away with. And some people's consciences are not so well developed as others!

Rob_The_Bantam

Alikay wrote: »

Maybe you will be faithful once you meet someone you know wouldn't put up with it, and whom you wont risk losing. I tend to think our behaviour is not only down to what we are, but what we can get away with. And some people's consciences are not so well developed as others!

I think that hits the nail on the head. I knew I probably would get away with it, whether by not getting found out or by being forgiven if I was, and so went for it. If I'd have been looking at the relationship being over for certain if I was found out, I may have thought twice about cheating.

*Louise*

ailuro2 wrote: »

Gather more proof.

Then...


Swop your number for hers in the phone so when he texts her he will actually be texting you....? Reply fairly blandly, nothing to make him suspicious. Repeat phrases of previous texts etc.

Another thought for that.

Get a new sim card for your phone - text her and say it's your new phone number. (Can always eleborate and say as him that OH has the old phone, so she definitely wouldnt text it any more)

THEN change her number in his phone for your new number as well (so he won't recognise it.

That way, if they text each other, you will recieve ALL the messages and can choose to reply accordingly.

Rather sneaky and complicated...never tried it myself, but I would if the need arose.

Flicker

How are things with the ladies who were going through the 'finding out stage'??

I have to admit, that my bf and I started through an affair. At 15 I met a man who was almost 8 years my senior, I 'fell in love', which I can see wasnt love at all it was a hold that he had over me, he repeatedly beat me up, to the extent that one night he almost killed me by strangeling me, I should have gotten out. I was 15 and had been through a tough time before I had met him. I moved in with him a month before my 17th birthday, my parents were furious, they could see him for what he was, but if I am honest I was deluded.

I meet my OH on line and he lived about 30 mins drive away, we were just friends, and yes I kept it from my ex to an extent, my bf and I agreed to meet, he was in a relationship as was I, but we got on so well online, we were meeting as friends. When we met there was something between us, and we ended up kissing. We meet quite often after that, then he went on holidays for a fortnight with his ex and his parents. I missed him badly when he was gone, I ached for him to hug me. He came back and ended it with her. I didnt know how to end it with my ex, as I had tried to leave him before, and he always threatened to kill himself. I disappeared on the night that my bf left his ex, to see if he was ok, I got a call from my ex, he had found conversations that we had had on the computer. I stayed away the whole night and went home in the morning to leave him. When I got home I explained and he said he wanted me and loved me, I dont know why but I stayed, he had such a hold over me. I told him that I was confused and needed some time to myself, I went away for the weekend, I went with my bf, my ex worked this out, contacted me then my parents, my parents rang me and asked me to come home.

I went to my parents house and my ex was there, I ended up telling my bf that it was over and going home with my ex, its not what I wanted, its what I felt I HAD to do. I went home that night with my ex and the minute I walked through the front door, I knew I had done the worst thing that I could do. The next day my bf came to see me to leave my top back, and my heart broke, he was distraught.

He left and i sat in my house, knowing that I wanted and needed my bf, and knowing that I was only with my ex for fear of what he would do. I took an overdose, and very nearly died. I was rushed to hospital, and was kept in.

I got out of the hospital on the Tuesday night and put up with my ex, on the Saturday morning I woke up, rang my bf told him to come for me, packed a bag, explained to my ex what was happening and left.

They rest that they say is history, 2 years on Im with my bf, my ex is getting married and his ex has just had a baby.

I am happier now that I have ever been in my life, things have been hard in the sense that at one stage I felt like my bf didnt love me because he didnt hit me like my ex, now thats warped.


I know this has been long, but I wanted to show you the other side, and show you that things are most times never as they seem. I also posted the whole story so that when I said I was the cheater that you understood the whole circumstances.

I am ashamed of how we meet, and the fact that we both cheated, but I am not regretful, not one ounce, I am sorry for the pain that we caused to my ex and his though.

There were no kids involved, which on my behalf would have changed everything.

I hope you all well, and if your relationships are fixable and what you want then they succeed, and if you go seperate ways, I wish you all happiness.


Sorry for the long post.